Tis the season...

Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (NIV)

Tis the season... to be merry and appreciative. The holiday seasons can be a very melancholy time for many people, because of loss, financial woes, and other circumstances. I know I have had a melancholy spirit during the holidays for the last few years. I work hard to shift my perspective... and for the most part this helps and my overall mood is filled with joy and appreciation for what I do have. The valleys of being a Single woman and mother hit most during the holiday seasons so it's only natural to feel a bit humdrum at moments. the moments that I typically feel humdrum are:

• Showing up to holiday events, and people looking at you like... her she comes again... ALONE. When my stepsister with 800 kids, never worked a real job a day in her life... shows up to the family dinner engaged and a year later he is still there and now her husband... that's can be a bit depressing for me. I almost boycotted the family gathering this year or was thinking about bring a rent-a-man for the gathering. I haven't brought a man with me to holiday dinner in many years. I am the last SINGLE person in the clan of 11. Hell now even the grandkids are showing up with husbands and wifes. Even my father is starting to wonder when will I...
  
• Ending Christmas Day... ALONE. The excitement of Christmas morning with my sons usually ending by noon when they leave to go to their father's house. I am happy for them, because they have finally made healthy adjustments to their new family circumstances.
  
• Making the decision to have Christmas dinner for ONE... or going to a friend's house for dinner. I appreciate the kindness of others to offer a seat at the dinner table for the singles... LOL. I feel welcomed and that makes it easier... but her in-laws give me that look of pity.... poor thing, so sad... What others think about me don't usually impact me much, but during this time of year I am feeling some of my own self pity. Not what I want to feel, but just being honest...
  
• New Year's Eve... I have been home ALONE for the last few New Years Eves... journaling about my hopes for the new year, eating my favorite snacks, watching the ball drop and falling asleep watching movies. Now that my sons have gotten older... New Year's Eve game night is not as appealing to them, so they usually are with their father and cousins. Going out single on New Years Eve was fun at 25, because I was out with my single friends, but not as much fun these days at 30+.

In seasons passed my melancholy mood was driven by those quiet times alone wishing that I wasn't. This season, my personal circumstances are still the same... debating on whether to occupy the single seat at my friend's dinner table or make a small dinner for one and watch movies. What will I do for New Year's Eve, etc.

This year my melancholy mood due to my circumstances are also filled with sadness, because I really wanted to be in Alabama with my family for Christmas. The day before Thanksgiving tragedy hit my family in Alabama really hard, and I really just wanted to spend Christmas with them. My Mom has been going home to Alabama for Christmas the last few years.... and that has changed the traditions of my Christmas quite a bit, but I give her the gift she loves the most... a plane ticket home. I give it knowing it makes her so happy to be there. This year I wanted to join her, but my sons wanted to spend Christmas in Boston because that's the tradition they have grown to expect... and I couldn't imagine not waking up on Christmas morning with them. So I made a hard decision and decided to not go to Alabama this season to be with my mom, grandma, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I will get down there soon...

All of this to say... I am as thankful for life, family, and friends as I have stated in prior posts. Even when I am in the space of feeling humdrum around the holidays... I am thankful, because each year is truly filled with new possibilities. I am truly blessed, and in due time and due season... change happens! This holiday season, tragedy has reminded me about how much I love my family... with their craziness and all. The dilemmas I face this season, also reminded me that I am where I am suppose to be, even when it doesn't feel good. This too shall pass, because it always does.

Prayer: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Thankful and Blessed,
WonderWoman

This song...

This song truly reflects some of what has been going through WonderWoman's mind the last few weeks. I have been so busy and have not had a lot of time for reflection. I am loving Alicia Keys new CD, and this is one of the songs I keep on repeat. Feeling a bit overwhelmed these days, being a Superhero is not easy, and there are days that I need some rescuing too.

But I have a few days off this week, to try to get some personal life stuff done so I can feel less overwhelmed.

Alicia Keys - Superwoman lyrics
Album: As I Am

Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
State of humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
Better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
As I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
I can fly
We can fly, Oooohh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Five Years later...

I feel like my life has come full circle in so many ways. I just came from dinner with SistaFromAnothaMotha and we both had a moment when she asked, "What were we doing five years ago?" We paused, reflected, and both said "WOW" at the same time. Then we sat silently for a bit, because five years ago was definitely a turning point for both of us. We both had recently changed courses in our lives and was entering a new frontier. Our lives have always typically been very different, but this was the first time that we were at a similar place. We had never been single at the same time, but at this point we were, because the relationships we thought were "forever" had recently ended- for me it was my decision and for her it was his decision.

This was the first time in my adult life that I was living my life my way. I made some mistakes along the way, but "WOW" five years ago was the beginning of an awesome trip. Bringing me today... FIVE YEARS LATER.

My ipod shuffle usually lands on a song or to that connects with my thoughts. "Take me as I am" by Mary J. Blige came on when I started typing this blog. The lyrics to this song resonate with me on so many levels- family, love, and work. The verse that I sing from my heart is:

She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they help to make she
She's been lost and found
But she's still around
There's a reason for everything, yeah

Let me take myself to bed. I could blog about so many aspects of this journey... as a woman and all of my many roles in my world. At the core of it all, I have finally found peace in who I am and love for who I am... so yes, the world will have to "Take Me as I am"...

Peace,
WonderWoman

Take Me As I Am
By Mary J. Blige
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Empathy vs. Compassion

How do you respond to this statement, if it comes from a Grown Person that you work with who takes forever to get work done, and now others are calling her on it?

"I don't like feeling stupid in front of other people? I don't feel like we are on the same page."

My patience and compassion is really low these days. My first response was, "Did you finish the task they are asking you about?" Her response was, "No". Then I asked, "Do you believe you are stupid?" Her response was, "No (with an attitude)!" My next response was, "What do you want from me? What am I suppose to do about your feelings? For me this is a job, and task completion comes first, feelings are secondary to me. So task completion is all I want to focus on at this point. We spend more time dealing with adults' feelings around here than we do on task completion and that is inefficient. Hell I am FEELING frustrated talking to you right now, but I have to in order to complete the task... so can we move on?"

This wasn't the first or the tenth time we've had this same conversation about one thing or another over the last few months... so my snapping was from a please of... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

The definition of Empathy is:

• Empathy- Should not be confused with Pity and Sympathy and Compassion.
• Empathy (from the Greek εμπάθεια, "to make suffer") is commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and directly feel the emotion of another. As the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another's mode of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of emotional resonance.

I am a very empathetic person. I am also a person that doesn't have a lot of patience for foolishness. So I definitely don't confuse empathy with sympathy or compassion. I can understand how you feel and understand why you feel the way you feel... but I don't believe I have to put up with foolishness just because I understand why it exists.

I have compassion for adults that are WORKING THRU their "issues", because hell I have mines and I respect the hard work it takes to WORK THRU things. Especially given the "issues" are things you want to avoid and not DEAL WITH because it makes you feel inadequate. WORK THRU and DEAL WITH are the key phrases! Recognize, Accept, and Do something to change it. I can support that.

My frustration in this situation is more from a place of.... please don't bullshit me and expect me to rub your back to make you feel better, if you are not going to do your part... especially not at work. Work is work... Personal is personal. You know you need to get your shit together... so get it together. I will take time to help you get it together (if I can), but I don't have patience to see you just talk and talk about how you feel and yet you don't use that same energy to get it together.

Empathy is exhausting given my extroverted nature. I usually have time to unplug, but lately I have been working long hours and that is effecting my approach with people. When I am feeling empty it is harder for me to have compassion for others.

I don't want to be a mean person... but I will also not tolerate foolishness.

WonderWoman Needs a HUG and REST!

Vulnerability...

IS SO DAMN HARD!

On the surface I am open, but going a layer or two deeper... I am more guarded then I have been ready to admit to myself. There are a few people in my world that, when I am ready... I know I can take a deep breathe and let my guard down with them. Last night I took a deep breathe and shared some stuff that I have been holding for a while now. I jumped. I feel the weight lifted and in my heart I know I will be okay no matter the outcome.

Fear is an amazing thing, and I try hard to acknowledge its presence yet not be held back by it. Some days I do it better than others. The process of taking the deep breathe... jumping... and being vulnerable out loud... was laborious for me. The discomfort and avoidance was there, yet the supportive push that I needed was received and appreciated. I found myself fighting back tears half way thru the jump, at the point of no "take back". The tears were because I knew I couldn't turn back even when I wanted to (at one moment I wanted to close my eyes and go back in time 10 minutes and not jump), yet in my heart I knew it was safe so I pushed passed the fear.

As I said in my last post... my heart and mind have been at war for quite sometime. Last night I realized how much I have changed. What I realized last night was that it was so hard for me to let the tears fall. They were not tears of sadness, they were tears of fear... I am jumping and today I need someone there to catch me. I use to cry for therapeutic release frequently, and SistaFromAnothaMotha has been through many of my therapeutic cries. I have been through my share of difficult lessons, but I don't want to be so guarded that I deny what is in my heart. To choose to jump, and admit my desire for someone to be there to catch me... leaves me feeling so vulnerable.

Today, I choose to push passed the fear... acknowledge the discomfort and work hard to follow my heart. My heart won an important battle against my mind last night. I finally WonderWomaned up.

Pushing passed the fear,
WonderWoman

Jump...

Tonight, the reality of an internal battle I have been dealing with has left me feeling really uncomfortable and I know I need to WonderWoman Up for real this time. I feel like I am on the low of an emotional rollercoaster ride. For quite sometime now, my heart and mind have been at war. My heart keeps nudging me to jump and trust that I will be safe. I have been so afraid to say out loud... my heart's truth.

This past year has been filled with moments that defy the current reality. I have felt confused for a while now about what is next... and this state of discomfort is really hard for me. The cave of avoidance has housed me for a while now... but I have to come out and face the truth.

Brain Dump...

I need to get the whining out....

• My neck has been hurting lately... hmmmm stress and tired will do it
  
• I have been working long days
• When the day ends I am too tired
• Some nights I want Right4MeWonderfulBrotha to hold me til I fall asleep
  
• I am an emotional sponge and when those close to me are not okay, I feel it too
• I need some ME TIME
• My house is a mess and I don't know where to start... little time and energy by the time I get home to even deal with it.
  

And now the celebrating begins...

• I am going to the Pats game in TWO DAYS!!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
• I love my DVR... last night I caught up on some of my TV watching
  
• My boys are smiling (My 15 year old can be moody, but MommyGut says he's doing fine)
• I smile
  
• I know that I am loved and respected... the essence of love is so beautiful
  
• I am WonderWoman and on purpose
• I am so blessed. My friends and family propel me forward... directly and indirectly
  
• I am where I am suppose to be
• I know patience is a virtue, and I am growing to be a more patient woman. Sometimes I yearn to hit the fast forward button, but as I grow I am learning to value the process and can find more patience...
  
• Despite the alone nights, I feel optimistic... Right4MeWonderfulBrotha is on the way

I can't go on vacation, but the next best thing for me is...

... GOING TO SEE THE PATRIOTS ON SUNDAY!!!

When I visualize my prosperous life that is continuing to unfold... being a Patriots season ticket holder is a part of the visualization. I am still working hard and dreaming BIG. In the meantime...

I am delighted to go to a game when I can... and Sunday I am going to see the Patriots vs. Browns game. My SuperHeroFriend surprised me with two Patriots tickets. I wish he could come with me, but he has to work (sad sad face). I wonder if he knows how much this surprise means to me, and how damn excited I am.

Since he won't be able to go with me I am bringing SistaFromAnothaMotha with me. I am soooo excited!!! I was aggravated at work earlier today and then remember that I am going to Foxboro on Sunday and it made my mood 10x better. SistaFromAnothaMotha and I went to New Orleans when the Patriots went to the Super Bowl (what a trip... we didn't go to the stadium, but watching the game in New Orleans was amazing and partying after the VICTORY was soooo much fun!... oh the memories). So I am happy we are finally going to a game together. We were on the phone earlier planning our gear for Sunday and I got more excited!!! I might have to get a new jersey. I have a Corey Dillion jersey, but he's retired so maybe I will finally get my Bruschi jersey. Then we were trying to figure out if we will tailgate on Sunday... hmmm we will see.

SuperHeroFriend- THANK YOU!!! and we will have to catch a Pats game together next time! You know I LUV football, and that's why this gesture is soooo damn hearting of you... lol. Edit 10/8/07- you actually did go with me to the game- Parking $40, DunkinDonuts coffee $4, watching you get busted trying to smuggle snacks and a drink into Gillette Stadium... PRICELESS.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY (dancing),
WonderWoman

Where does the time go??

I feel like my last post was only a few days ago, but truly it was weeks ago. Life continues to be very busy. My cup is still "half FULL". I could definitely use a bit more, but I am moving in a good direction. God continues to amaze me! Just when someone else's "humanness" seems too unbearable... 'something" happens... an aha moment, or the storm settles... and that "something" is just enough to keep me pushing forward and not choking someone... oops I mean negatively responding to someone else's actions... wink.

Work has been very busy and filled with some interesting aha moments. I am where I am for a reason, and some days the reason is crystal clear... and on other days I need reminders. This week was filled with purposeful reminders that I have been preparing for this work for quite some time. I am there to share my talents and grow, and I can't loose sight of that no matter how exhausted I feel. I am planning to take some time off soon... yippee!

On Saturday, I volunteered at a fundraiser with another superhero... and he was awarded the Pursuing Your Purpose Award. You know you are in a place of favor when you are "pursuing your purpose". I continue to be reminded of how blessed I am to have some amazingly purposeful folks in my life. He has stepped out on faith to pursue his dream and purpose, and that is so inspiring.

Well let me take myself to bed.

Everyday is filled with new possibilities...

Peace,
WonderWoman

The Light

I am recovering from my exhaustion, and just trying to hold on to my "cup is half FULL" perspective, and work on replenishing my cup to FULL. I was just sitting tonight thinking about some things, and my psychic IPOD music shuffle played this song and it really left me in a contemplative mindstate...

The Light
By Common
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Much Luv,
WonderWoman

I feel... EXHAUSTED!!

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my friend and telling him about the random foolishness going on in the lives of people around me and about how as much as I care about them, I also can't deal with how their foolishness impacts me. He said something like... you carry a lot of weight from other people. How does that make you feel? When he asked me I didn't really have an answer in that moment so the conversation moved on, but the question has lingered in my mind since then.

So as this statement and question lingers in the recess of my mind... life goes on and I have been feeling more and more "weighed down" these days. So I think if he asked me that question TODAY... I would say EXHAUSTED!

I have a lot going on right now, some good stuff, some frustrating stuff, and some stuff that is testing my patience. My current state of mental EXHAUSTION is clouding my perception right now. I NEED A VACATION!!!

As I have said in past posts... I am truly blessed to have some really good friends in my life. I can count on them to be there for me when I am need them. Like when I am feeling EXHAUSTED, because I know I can find one of them to release it, vent and/or problem solve (when I am ready).

I am truly BLESSED. Right now I know my cup is half... FULL. I truly believe that this too shall pass. I just really could use some "weight loss", a comforting hug... and a VACATION!!! I need some rejuvenating so I can replenish and not feel so depleted.

Well I guess I should go to bed... that could help with the EXHAUSTION, huh... smile.

Blessed,
-WonderWoman

Recent Adventure...

I went to Six Flags again... yippee. This time I went with my SistaFromAnothaMotha. We hadn't gone on an adventure in a while, so it was great to hang out with her.


A Few Memories from our Adventure to Six Flags:

• Stopping at Marshalls- Swimsuit $5, Coverall $12, ticket to SixFlags $50... anticipation of getting on rides that make you scream with fear and excitement... priceless.
• The thrill rides of the day: SuperMan was closed for the day... big pouty face...

Typhoon (WaterRollercoaster) and
Tornado at the WaterPark:

The Catapult was the scariest ride of the day...

• I forgot we had my camera so I only have a few pictures. We took a picture with Scooby... he's such ladies man...lol

• We ended our adventure with... FRIED DOUGH and COTTON CANDY!! What is a trip to an amusement park without it...

I had so much fun! But we were exhausted when it was time to go. We were there for almost 7 hours. I still have to go back at least one more time this season, because I still have never rode on the SuperMan... and I just have to do it!

Peace,
WonderWoman

A Gift in a MorningWakeUp Call

In my dream... The phone rang at 8:30A.M. I thought it was going to be my Daddy. I stumbled out of bed to answer it, never even looking at the caller ID, because the crust in my eyes clouded my vision (yeah, I am still fabulous even with crustations...lol).

Well it wasn't my Daddy. It was actually my ex (I will call him WonderfulSoldierBrotha... I mentioned him in my last post). We still stay in touch, but over the last year the communication has been few and far between.

It was good to talk WonderfulSoldierBrotha. He called to say THANK YOU for me being me. He also shared with me how much our relationship impacted him and has gotten him through some ruff spaces. He thanked me for letting him go because he needed the space and because right now he knew he couldn't be the man that I needed and deserved. He said SORRY that he was not able to be there for me when I needed him most.

Our conversation was only about 15 minutes, but it was a gift to me this morning even if it was only in a dream. He is truly a man of few words, but I can imagine that when he opens up his heart he would say SORRY and THANK YOU. I will always care about him even though our relationship is in the past, because he is a WonderfulSoldierBrotha. I know that I had closure before this morning, but this morning wasn't about closure it was about reassurance. It was a gift to hear someone else share their perspective of WonderWoman and reminded me of what I have to share in a relationship. It reassured me that I am a WonderfulWoman and also reinforced my courage to stay open for Right4MeWondefulBrotha. Given my last post, this WakeUp Call dream came at an interesting time. No... WonderfulSoldierBrotha is not Right4MeWonderfulBrotha i guess, because we aren't together. Relationships are truly for a season, some longer than others and our season has pasted.

When ever I think of him and our experience I think of Whitney's... And I will Always Love You...



A little background of my relationship with WonderfulSoldierBrotha-

• We started a relationship shortly before he deployed to Iraq (NationalGuardsman completed a 1 year deployment). The months before he left for Iraq were amazing and those memories were very sustaining.
• He had my heart and we stayed together during his deployment. Care packages and emails were our major source of communication. It was difficult because simultaneously I was going through a very difficult time in my life. I shared some of it with him, but it was best that I not share everything because he really needed to stay focused so he could come home safely. I missed him the most when I just needed a hug and he wasn't there to give it to me. I learned a lot about love and some of the simple ways to give and receive love during his deployment.
  
• A year later he came home a very different man (withdrawn and emotionally hot and cold which was too unpredictable for my taste). I never doubted his love for me, but the relationship wasn't able to really pick up where we left off because of his difficult transition back to civilian life, and he and I were both different people from when we first met. We held on for about six months or so after he got home, but there was rarely enough time for us to spend together to reconnect beyond a day here and there. I was able to wait for him during his deployment because I really wanted to and I had great anticipation of his return. It was hard for me to accept the truth at first: he truly needed space and I needed more than he was capable of giving me. I willingly made the sacrifice while he was away, but resentment was settling in, because its one thing when actual distance keeps you apart, it harder to deal with when the person is not physically far away, but emotionally far away. I loved him too much to hold on when he really needed me to let go. Letting go was hard, but it was truly the best gift for both of us.
  
• A year has pasted. I have learned even more about love during this year since our relationship changed. I have gained some wonderful gifts because of my season with WonderfulSoldierBrotha.

He reminded me that there are some WonderfulBrothas out there (he truly is an amazing man).

I also realized that being a WonderfulBrotha doesn't equal Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. That was a hard lesson but one I cherish. It helped me realize what I really need in a relationship.

I regained faith in love. I experienced true love with him and my heart grew bigger because of that experience.

My relationship with my father grew stronger during this time in my life. I gained more insight into the experiences my father had as a Vietnam Vet. My Daddy helped me understand what WonderfulSoldierBrotha was going thru while he was away and My Daddy was truly my confidante when he returned. This journey allowed my Daddy and I to have conversations we wouldn't have had, and my love and admiration for my Daddy grew stronger. HERO really means something to me now... the sacrifices men and women make as soldiers are truly heroic.


I learned how to pack a serious care package (you would be amazed at how much I could fit in a box).

I met some friends I would have never known because we shared the experience of having a loved one deployed overseas.

I learned how to let go... because of love. Which reminds me of a verse in Heather Headley's song- In My Mind, "They say if you love something, you've got to let it go. And if it comes back, then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know, That it was something you had to go through to grow."

--------------------------------------------

As you can tell from my last few posts, I am in an interesting reflective mode. This mode has shown me that I am ready for Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. The real question is... Is he ready for WonderWoman? Hmmmmm...

-WonderWoman

Reflections: He Is

Last year my Auntie sent me this Dr. Phil book, Love Smart. A relationship I was in was coming to the end of its season... Wonderful Brotha, Wrong Time kind thing. That relationship renewed my faith in Brothas, but taught me that even a GoodMan might not be the RightMan for ME. I was sharing my situation with my Auntie, and this prompted her to send me a book... not a gift card to go clothes shopping or some good chocolate to help me feel better... just a book...lol.

When I got the book, she called me and said, "I know you think I am crazy, but if you don't read anything else in the book you have to read two Chapters- "The Character of Him" and "The Character of You". So trusting her wisdom... I read those chapter and a few other, and even did the exercises. I didn't finish the book, but I have picked it up a time or two to skim through section... over the last year. Anyways, I was going through my books last week to get ready for a book donation and came across this book. I opened it up and saw a wish list that I created.

The Man for ME

• He will love and respect me for my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weaknesses he will even find endearing. He will appreciate my quirks and extroverted nature.
• He is a Man that I can share all of myself with... my hopes, my dreams, and even my fears. He is confident and able to share his hopes, dreams and fears also.
• He is a kind and empathetic man in his special way.
  
• He will appreciate and respect my children, family, and friends.
• He is a Gentle Warrior! He's Protective, but not a rage-filled person.
• He has vision for his life and purpose. He is motivated. We are a powerful team!
• He is supportive and encouraging, especially during those times when I am down and need a supportive push... he is there and in tuned.

I wrote this list a year ago, and at the bottom I wrote the song title... He Is, by Heather Headley. This is probably the first "wish list" I wrote about the Man for ME that didn't include his physical attributes... just his soulful attributes. Was this a sign of maturity... or maybe it was the requirement for the activity in the book... I can't remember...lol. Either way, this list still stands true for me. These are the soul attributes of the Man for WonderWoman.

Some of my peers, ask the question are their any GoodAvailableBrothas left? I believe in my heart there are GoodBrothas... the available part is getting harder to find...lol. Well, reading my wish list a few days ago has left this song on my heart....

He Is
By Heather Headley


The day will come when WonderWoman connects with The Man for ME. Until then I will keep believing he is out there. Today I Choose... to feel optimistic!

Much luv,
WonderWoman

Like Sweet Morning Dew...

I found this website with music videos that I can add to my blog. I am so excited about this. I had an interesting conversation about this song recently, so I am adding one of my favorite... songs to my blog. When this song comes on I can't help but turn it up , get my head nod on, and get to singin' in my own special way...LOL!

Never thought that being a Brotha's Nig... could be so endearing...


Mary J. Blige - I'll Be There for You/Y ...

Born Day Weekend... a Great Kick-off to a Wonderful New Year!

My New Year has begun! My Born Day Weekend was FANTBULOUS! Akunamatata... a weekend of no worries... and doing what makes Wonder Woman smile- hanging out with family and friends (w/o drama); steak and chocolate cake; amusement parks; good company; lots of laughter!

Highlights of my BornDay Weekend

Friday
*Inspired by Bishop- I started a new Blog... BabyMommasUnite (BMU)
*Banana Bread French Toast with my Brother
*Dinner with CasBlog, MySistaFromAnothaMotha, and Brit... steak and chocolate cake (yummy)
*The restaurant staff sang Happy Birthday to me (First time I ever went to one of those chain restaurants on my actual Birthday... it was on my list of things to do so this year I did it... smile)
*I was kissed by a Moose

Saturday
*Anxiousness/excitement about my visit to Six Flags... I woke up at 5:30a.m. (going on 4 hours sleep, because I couldn't wait for the day to start... giddy smile).
*I finally got on water rides at Six Flags. I usually don't go into Hurricane Harbor.
*I had a lot of fun in Hurricane Harbor at Six Flags!
*Inhaling a lot of water on the Cannon Ball ride... I think my nose is still burning, but it was fun!
*DC Comic Store... My new Wonder Woman stuff- a tote bag (so fly!); Wonder Woman bobblehead; wristband; keychain, and new t-shirt to add to my collection!
*Everyone had FUN! It was a rocky start... who says only teen and pre-teen girls are moody...

Sunday
*Anxiousness/excitement about my Party. I haven't had a party (w/ decorations) in a really long time.
*Going to IParty... I always get carried away
*My tiara.. I loved it!
*CasBlog found a SuperHero that represents her well... Isis
*Having my Party at Big Funny Sunday (comedy showcase) was so much fun!
*DDoC... those dudes are hilarious... Much luv, yall made my day (http://www.myspace.com/dynamicduocomedy)!
*Learning about all the different occasions that you can use handclappers! Very multi-purposeful... who knew...
*Seeing my Mother LOL... because she is famous for her closed mouth chuckle




My New Year Ahead Forecast
*New Beginnings=== Full of New Possibilities!

Much luv and Gratitude,
WonderWoman

I RELEASED IT...

I remember when I was really young, my aunt was very upset because someone did her WRONG... and my Grandmother told her to RELEASE IT. At the time I didn't understand what that meant. Then one day many years later, I went to my Grandmother for counsel because someone did me WRONG... she said the same thing to me... RELEASE IT. At that point I understood what it meant intellectually, but it was really hard for me to RELEASE IT. Forgiveness of others is truly the best gift you can give to YOURSELF. Forgiveness is not about the other person, its about you not holding onto your anger,or pain,or the unforgivable WRONG. Holding on to these things hold you back. I know this in my heart now, not just in my head. I have gifted forgiveness to some folks and for some folks I have had to forgive them more than once. Forgiveness is never easy, but I learned a long time ago that its harder to carry the weight of anger than it is to RELEASE IT.

Yes, WonderWoman has been in total reflection mode.

Well just a moment ago I RELEASED IT. I was on the phone with a person that did me WRONG and I lost a lot of respect for her because she lacked of integrity and backbone. Lying about yourself is one thing, but lying about me is something totally different. I befriended her which doesn't come easy for Wonder Woman. My SistaFromAnothaMotha, my Momma, and a few others thought I was insane for befriending her, because of the circumstances of our relationship. But the truth is that I befriended her... due of the circumstances. Hell I wasn't seeking her friendship and for many years our paths hardly ever crossed. I was doing well not to have to speak to her too often. Life changes and due to some of our commonalities(that I wouldn't chose but they are what they are), our paths joined at one point. The friendship began and ended after about a year...

Long story short I was hurt by her actions, but I was even more angry at myself for trusting her in the first place. Integrity in a friendship is very important to me, so there's no going back on that one. But the reality is that I have been holding on to this for over a year. Today, I RELEASED IT... because holding on to the negative changed my mood when I would see her (I hadn't seen her much after this happened, but in the near future we will be seeing a lot of each other). I am a GROWN ASS WOMAN so dinging her in the mouth is not a good look. So in true GROWN ASS WOMAN fashion, I would exchange hellos and keep it moving, but then I would feel the anger and be back in that moment every time... that doesn't suit me. I am DONE with that moment in the past, but when I would see her my anger brought me back there. I have moved on, and I am truly too blessed to be stressed...

I have elevated to another level in my life's journey over the last year, and holding on to that anger, just doesn't fit with me given where I am and where I am heading.

Will we be FRIENDS... NO...
Will I be at PEACE with the past... YES...

I don't always get a chance to remember the moment that I RELEASE IT... I am glad I was able to blog about it... it will give me something to look back on in the future.

Much Luv and Gratitude,
WonderWoman

Milestone Moment....

In my last post I mentioned that my Born Day is an important time for me. Well it really is my New Year, and I typically treat it accordingly... with reflection of my year passed and gaining insight of my hopes and dreams for the new year to come...

I am still in the reflective phase... and I am not ready to blog in detail about it, but I am moved to share this with you...

I have climbed in my bed twice already tonight with the intention of going to sleep, but my mind can not be still. Today was a magical representation of my year... I got a little day job work done, and then the rest of the day was so synergistic (yes, I googled it and it is a word... lol).

I am so blessed to have my Dream Partners, and with them I truly am a better ME... I write that with tears in my eyes because if this past year is representative of the new possibilities for me... than I am in for a wonderful adventure. A few posts back I mentioned how being able to dream again has been a blessing... I have yet to find the eloquent means to put that statement into words that could truly represent how true this is for me.

To Dream Again is a Blessing...
if I was a poet, I would write the most amazing poem
if I was a singer, I would sing the most amazing song
if I was a composer, oh the melody would be a gem
if I was a painter, the piece would be my Mona Lisa
Can any of these mediums represent the truth of this statement...
TO DREAM AGAIN IS A BLESSING!
TO DREAM WITH YOU IS A GIFT!

Casblog- our meeting today really reminded me of why I know Synergy and Solutions is destined for great success. Our collective gifts and talents are the makings of wonderful possibilities. Thank you for dreaming with me!

Bishop- the church is real. What we come up with together... is truly The Secret. You know me well enough to appreciate this statement... towards the end of the night I was just speechless (an unfamiliar state for me). Thank you for dreaming with me!

Casblog and Bishop- as individuals we are so gifted and talented, and as a collective we are a mogul force destined toward monumental success. I have believed in The Secret before it become a commercial concept... and as I dream out loud with you... I know the Universe is responding. Let's remember our powers and do the damn thang!

Much luv and gratitude,
WonderWoman

It's what keeps me...

young at heart!

My two favorite holidays: Mother's Day and my Born Day- August 3rd (Yes, WonderWoman is a Lioness Warrior... LOL)!

In my 20s I didn't enjoy my favorite holidays as much as I had wanted to. Hell, I was so busy going through my 20s... for those in my world... you know my 20s was filled with a WHOLE LOTTA... lessons (retrospective view... damn I am so blessed to be done with those times).

For several of my Mother's Days and Born Days in my 20s I wanted to enjoy my favorite holidays, but life just seemed to consistently have some lesson planned for me that got in the way of me choosing to enjoy my favorite days. Once I accepted the gift and responsibility of my own joy and happiness... life has been sooooo different.

Well when I was turning 28, I was in a better place on my journey to being the GROWN ASS WOMAN I am today... and my Born Days are usually very defining moments for me. So I decided that going forward I would honor my milestones of growth in ways that made me happy.

Each year since, I have consciously chosen to spend my Born Days doing what I want to do. So I have spent the last few Born Days doing things that truly keep me young at heart.

Some things I enjoy doing that keeps me young at heart:
**Teddy Bears- Build a Bear is one of my favorite places in the world
**Watching Old School cartoons and educating young ones on the best of... old school cartoon toys- My little Pony, Care Bears, Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny... to name a few that come to mind this early in the AM
**Amusement Parks- my neck still hurts sometimes from my car accident earlier this year... so no rollercoasters for me this year... sooooooo sad
**Playing Kick Ball- the fence was first base, the cement stool at the checker table was second base, and the corner of the wood frame was third base... out to Howard Ave was a homerun... Damn I loved my suburban/hood (safe given the times... yet soooo ghetto)... that park was like our own private back yard...
**Hanging out with friends and fam from back in the day- remembering the adventures... we really were good kids... just adventurous (I swear!)

So last year for my 30th Birthday... I kicked off my Girls Night Out with...My Build a Bear Birthday party... OMG that was so much fun! My kids were too embarrassed to come to my party... so I kicked off the evening with some of my friends that don't get embarrassed so easily... Casblog, my SistaFromAnotherMotha, Ms. HydePark, UMBPartnerInCrime and her partner. We had soooooo much fun! Then I went on a weekend trip... I went with high hopes... but unfortunately the highlight of the trip was watching Flavor of Love marathon and finally making it home. But no regrets... I just know my limitation with group weekend getaways... smile.

And this year..... drum roll....
I am having a Wonder Woman Born Day Cookout/ Get Together... I am sooooo excited. I found party favors and everything... My boys probably want to have me committed... LOL. We may even walk to the field not to far from my house for a old fashion game of Kick Ball... yippee!

So to all the GROWN ASS women and men... enjoy what keeps you young at heart... because we all need it.

Hugs and Luv,
WonderWoman

My Soul Smiles

As a mother I work so hard through the joys and pains of raising my two sons. Like most mothers I live on faith that my boys will grow up to be amazing Black men of character and excellence. I dream of the day I can proudly see the wonders of their life. I pray that they grow and have this same positive vision for themselves. Some days I shake my head and wonder... like yesterday their father took them to get their ears pierced (I will elaborate on that at another time), and I was not PLEASED to say the least. Others, including their father, reminded me to let it go... and this is a part of their pathway to self discovery toward manhood.

Growing pains are inevitable, and I know my sons will make other decisions that I will not necessarily agree with. I strive to live by faith and the belief no matter what they go through and what challenges they face, that positive change is always possible. Lord knows I made my share of unfavorable decisions... and through it all I have grown to be the GROWN ASS WOMAN that I am today. I pray that my sons can appreciate the truth of human triumph... and believe that with God's love and grace... and my love... they truly will be wonderful Black men of character and excellence.

Tonight my soul smiled. I was with my friend and his mother... and was able to witness his Momma smile and rejoice as she watched her son in his excellence. I could feel her joy. In that moment I was blessed with the Soul reminder... The struggles of raising boys to men are not in vain... because true triumph reigns. Other human souls continue to show me what my Daddy showed me a while ago... that you can rise from "the bottom" in true heroic fashion. God's love and grace, and a Momma's love and faith... are the makings of amazing human souls.

Much love to all the Brothas out there making their Momma proud... continue to be amazing Black men of character and excellence.

Love and Hugs,
WonderWoman

Daddy's Love

Daddy's Love and Daddy's Hugs
By WonderWoman

You are forever there for me
Giving me Daddy's Love and Daddy's Hugs
You are my guardian angel here on earth
The most profound lessons you have taught me
Have been without words
But with your actions, your courage and your perseverance.
You are truly my HERO
You showed me that change is possible,
And because of your example I know that
Today, I can choose...
To learn and grow, and be better today than I was yesterday
Thank you for choosing many years ago to love yourself enough,
And because of your choice and God's will
I know the true essence of my Daddy's Love and my Daddy's Hugs

I love you Daddy!!!

Hey Blogland,
I don't consider myself a poet, but this is a poem I wrote to my Daddy and I wanted to share it with you in honor of Father's Day. Reading this poem brings tears to my eyes, because behind these lines are so many emotions. My father is truly an amazing man! I am Wonder Woman because I know my father's strength and courage lives in me. I pray that my children realize the strength they innately possess within them through their lineage of great men.

Father's Day is not always a joyous occasion for some. For some it is a reminder of loss and sadness. My GrandDaddy passed away a couple of years ago around Father's Day. I miss him so much, yet I feel at peace because he is no longer suffering. He was ill for a very long time, so his death was truly bittersweet. His death has not been easy for my mother in particular, because she is truly a Daddy's Girl. GrandDaddy we miss you!

For my Friends and Family that feel grief and sadness this time of year I send hugs and love to you.

Hugs and Luv,
WonderWoman

I need to Wonder Woman Up

I need the courage to say out loud what is truly in my heart. I need the courage to say it simply because it needs to be said... Today, I need to choose to take my truth lasso and wrap it around myself and tell him about the war between my heart and mind. He matters to me and that is so scary, yet when I am with him I feel safe.

Today, I pray for courage... and understanding. This is not easy for me.

Synergy

I just finished my cereal dinner (at 11pm)... hey don't judge me, my boys are with their father this week... lol. I was checking my email... and then I felt the urge to find words for my current state of being. I have been trying to figure out the appropriate words for weeks now, because I wanted to blog about it. The closest I got to it was my brainstormed list of feelings a few blog post back. As I drank my milk, it became crystal clear... its synergy!

syn·er·gy- (snr-j)n.The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

Synergy is an amazing thing! When Casblog and I were sitting together to come up with the name of our business, Synergy and Solutions, I knew the name was powerful. Today, I can truly recognize the magic in the word as I experience it in my life.

For the last several months, I have been stepping out of faith in so many areas of my life- personally and professionally. Faith and a dream are carrying me through these days.

Dreaming use to be so scary for me, because I felt alone and/or unsupported. Many years ago, I began to truly live in my faith and understanding that I am never alone or unsupported, because God knows my heart and is always there even when its seems no one else is... I know I can always count on God. So my faith has shown me that I am never alone or unsupported, but dreaming remained a scary thing for me. I would test the waters every now and then, but in some ways I was too caught up in my present circumstances and living my crazy life to dream. Looking back, not dreaming was at the cornerstone of my internal struggles with where I am now and where I wanted to be.

Recently, I began to reflect on how different my life is now even from just last year. I was drawn to read my journal from last year. During that time, I was truly in a valley... so I decided to spend my Easter 2006 weekend in solitude (which can be hard for me at times... I am a true extrovert). In hindsight, I am so grateful that I listened and took the time for myself. That time of solitude was the next step that I needed in order to make a breakthrough out of the valley. In my journal entries, I wrote about my struggles and my mental state of despair. I released my struggles to God, and at the end of one of my entries I asked God to help me dream again!

I can truly say when I released my struggles to God, he took care of SITUATIONS in ways that I could have never imagined. He took care of ME as he always does... and Today I am able DREAM again.

God's grace is amazing! One realization that I had recently, is that not only am I dreaming again, but Today, I choose to... dream with others. The SYNERGY that currently exists in my life between me and my dream partners is phenomenal!

My friend, sometimes says how blessed he feels to have such amazing people in his life.... ditto.

A mustard seed of faith and willingness to dream... WOW!

Forever Grateful,
Wonder Woman

Sane folks please stand up!

SANE FOLKS please stand up! I just can't take it! Cameron Giles a.k.a Cam'ron was on 60 minutes... with his dumb ass commentary on "stop snitching". Where was Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton for this insanity? Where were the protest and the media outcry? Where are the SANE FOLKS?

I don't watch the news much these days, because I don't know when it happened, but "reputable" news media now promote "jerry springerish" news. Is it that news has changed or are we truly a "jerry springerish" society. I believe we have not gone that far and I ask that all the SANE FOLKS please stand up!

I hate to even post the link about this dumb ass, but I know it will be forwarded to me in a email at least 10 times today with my peers commenting about how "stupid" Cam'ron is, but I truly feel we need to do more than just comment in an email forward. SANE FOLKS please stand up!

I am a true fan of comedy and love a good laugh... it always gets me through the day... but this sh*t ain't funny and I am outraged. The ideology behind dumb ass's commentary about stop snitching is costing lives... and is so much worse for the Black community than what Imus said... SANE FOLKS PLEASE STAND UP!!!!

Here is the link to CBS News in case you are like me and don't really watch the news:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/19/60minutes/main2704565.shtml

Please comment on this blog post... What I would like to see is the SANE FOLKS STAND UP and in your comments please offer a possible means for the SANE FOLKS to stand up!

-WonderWoman

New Beginnings

If you read my last post... you know that WonderWoman has been feeling overwhelmed lately. Well, Friday was my last day at my "old" day job... and this week I will be in orientation for my "new" day job.

A friend asked me how did I feel today, since I left my "old" day job. I definitely am very happy to be able to move on because my last job was becoming too toxic. I am excited about the new possibilities with this next phase of my career. I am excited to do "smart" work again, and to feel like my skills and experience will be better utilized on the day job.

I am looking forward to orientation, because it will help ease my transition... and clear my mind a bit so I can get focused on my new day job.

Today, I Choose... to stay open to new beginnings.

-WonderWoman

Damn... All these feelings are overwhelming!

My brain dump of emotions and feelings that I am feeling simultaneously... in this moment:

EXCITED
HAPPY
RELIEVED
BITTERSWEET
AFRAID
SAD
AMAZED
AFFIRMED
VULNERABLE
UNSURE
CURIOUS
OPEN
CLOSED
DISAPPOINTED
CONFUSED

OUT OF CONTROL
WANTING
STRESSED
JOY
DETERMINED

ANXIOUS
COURAGEOUS
ON PURPOSE
GRATEFUL

APPRECIATED

MISUNDERSTOOD

BLESSED

Wow!!! That was therapeutic.

I work so hard to learn, grow, and be a woman ON PURPOSE... God knows I have come sooooo far. I am grateful! Truly I am! If you read my last post... so many good things are happening in my life. This GROWN ASS WOMAN is moving forward... God's grace is in abudnance, dreams are becoming reality, my friends inspire and encourage me so much, and my family continues to stand in the gaps for me so that I can follow my dreams. I am sooo LOVED and BLESSED!

I will take some time over the next few days to RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE (damn I need a release).

I need to honor my own advice... STOP, BREATHE, ENJOY THE MOMENT!

This post helped a lot... even the uncomfortable feelings have their place right now so I will stop trying to deny them. I will not be afraid to be HERE in this MOMENT with ALL of my feelings, even the ones I want to fast forward through.

-WonderWoman

I choose... to catch up on Blogger

WOW... I haven't blogged in sooooo long. I forgot my username... to many online accounts to keep up with all of them. So tonight I decided to sit here until I figure it out... so I did... and I am here blogging.

Recap since my last blog...
The Holidays have passed. My mood got better.

I have been extremely busy.

• With my mommy job- My son turned 15 years old last week... to catch you up and so you don't wreck your brain doing the math... yes, I started my mommy job very young.
• It's official I am an entrepenuer... a friend and I started an consulting business . We finished our first consulting gig... it was well received by our client. It felt wonderful to complete our first project and have such positive feedback. It definitely made me realize the possibilities with this work going forward.
• the day job...
• looking for a new day job... and found one... YIPPEE! I start at the beginning of April.
• helping my friend with his "one man show"- Confessions of a Black Man. Showtime in 6 days! It has been hectic pulling it together, but with humor... and the excitement of bringing his vision to reality makes the hard work all worth it. I have learned a lot over the last few weeks about theatre production, laughed a lot, and I look foward to showtime. I have a good feeling about this...
• I was in a car accident at the end of January. I was rear-ended by a stolen rental car (that is a long story...). I had a terrible neck sprain (whiplash) and I am still recovering. It's been a slow recovery, but I am getting there. My "good" days are beginning to outway my "bad" days. I started physical therapy very soon after my accident and that has helped move the recovery along. Having physical limitation has taught me a lot about myself. I don't do so well with limited mobility... it makes me crazy (which is out of character for me... lol).
• A good friend came to visit me from Florida in February. After her visit I began to really think about the law of attraction- "We attract whatever we choose to give our attention to--whether wanted or unwanted". The law of attraction places no judgement of "good" or "bad". I have understood the law of attraction intellectually for quite some time, but living in that understand has not been easy for me. So I can say that for the last few weeks, I have been shifting my thinking about a lot of things... and the universe is responding to my mind shift.
  
  
  TODAY, I CHOOSE... TO HAVE JOY IN MY HEART NO MATTER WHAT TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS I AM FACING. I KNOW THAT WITH THE CREATOR'S GRACE AND MERCY... ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
  
  EVERYDAY IS FILLED WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES!
  

So this is the jist of what has been going on with Wonder Woman... I have written my username and password down this time... so Wonder Woman will get better about blogging.

-Wonder Woman