A Gift in a MorningWakeUp Call

In my dream... The phone rang at 8:30A.M. I thought it was going to be my Daddy. I stumbled out of bed to answer it, never even looking at the caller ID, because the crust in my eyes clouded my vision (yeah, I am still fabulous even with crustations...lol).

Well it wasn't my Daddy. It was actually my ex (I will call him WonderfulSoldierBrotha... I mentioned him in my last post). We still stay in touch, but over the last year the communication has been few and far between.

It was good to talk WonderfulSoldierBrotha. He called to say THANK YOU for me being me. He also shared with me how much our relationship impacted him and has gotten him through some ruff spaces. He thanked me for letting him go because he needed the space and because right now he knew he couldn't be the man that I needed and deserved. He said SORRY that he was not able to be there for me when I needed him most.

Our conversation was only about 15 minutes, but it was a gift to me this morning even if it was only in a dream. He is truly a man of few words, but I can imagine that when he opens up his heart he would say SORRY and THANK YOU. I will always care about him even though our relationship is in the past, because he is a WonderfulSoldierBrotha. I know that I had closure before this morning, but this morning wasn't about closure it was about reassurance. It was a gift to hear someone else share their perspective of WonderWoman and reminded me of what I have to share in a relationship. It reassured me that I am a WonderfulWoman and also reinforced my courage to stay open for Right4MeWondefulBrotha. Given my last post, this WakeUp Call dream came at an interesting time. No... WonderfulSoldierBrotha is not Right4MeWonderfulBrotha i guess, because we aren't together. Relationships are truly for a season, some longer than others and our season has pasted.

When ever I think of him and our experience I think of Whitney's... And I will Always Love You...



A little background of my relationship with WonderfulSoldierBrotha-

• We started a relationship shortly before he deployed to Iraq (NationalGuardsman completed a 1 year deployment). The months before he left for Iraq were amazing and those memories were very sustaining.
• He had my heart and we stayed together during his deployment. Care packages and emails were our major source of communication. It was difficult because simultaneously I was going through a very difficult time in my life. I shared some of it with him, but it was best that I not share everything because he really needed to stay focused so he could come home safely. I missed him the most when I just needed a hug and he wasn't there to give it to me. I learned a lot about love and some of the simple ways to give and receive love during his deployment.
  
• A year later he came home a very different man (withdrawn and emotionally hot and cold which was too unpredictable for my taste). I never doubted his love for me, but the relationship wasn't able to really pick up where we left off because of his difficult transition back to civilian life, and he and I were both different people from when we first met. We held on for about six months or so after he got home, but there was rarely enough time for us to spend together to reconnect beyond a day here and there. I was able to wait for him during his deployment because I really wanted to and I had great anticipation of his return. It was hard for me to accept the truth at first: he truly needed space and I needed more than he was capable of giving me. I willingly made the sacrifice while he was away, but resentment was settling in, because its one thing when actual distance keeps you apart, it harder to deal with when the person is not physically far away, but emotionally far away. I loved him too much to hold on when he really needed me to let go. Letting go was hard, but it was truly the best gift for both of us.
  
• A year has pasted. I have learned even more about love during this year since our relationship changed. I have gained some wonderful gifts because of my season with WonderfulSoldierBrotha.

He reminded me that there are some WonderfulBrothas out there (he truly is an amazing man).

I also realized that being a WonderfulBrotha doesn't equal Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. That was a hard lesson but one I cherish. It helped me realize what I really need in a relationship.

I regained faith in love. I experienced true love with him and my heart grew bigger because of that experience.

My relationship with my father grew stronger during this time in my life. I gained more insight into the experiences my father had as a Vietnam Vet. My Daddy helped me understand what WonderfulSoldierBrotha was going thru while he was away and My Daddy was truly my confidante when he returned. This journey allowed my Daddy and I to have conversations we wouldn't have had, and my love and admiration for my Daddy grew stronger. HERO really means something to me now... the sacrifices men and women make as soldiers are truly heroic.


I learned how to pack a serious care package (you would be amazed at how much I could fit in a box).

I met some friends I would have never known because we shared the experience of having a loved one deployed overseas.

I learned how to let go... because of love. Which reminds me of a verse in Heather Headley's song- In My Mind, "They say if you love something, you've got to let it go. And if it comes back, then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know, That it was something you had to go through to grow."

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As you can tell from my last few posts, I am in an interesting reflective mode. This mode has shown me that I am ready for Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. The real question is... Is he ready for WonderWoman? Hmmmmm...

-WonderWoman