Well... its almost over!

My Sistafriends, My Family, My Friends...
We laugh together
We cry together, and
I can always count on you to have my back!
Thank you for your hugs, your honesty, and most of all your love! You push me when I need to be pushed, and you hold me up when I need it most, you encourage and support me to be GREAT!

I love yall!!!

This Holiday Season has been disappointing and interesting... those are the word that come to mind as I try to describe it. I am glad it is almost over, and I am looking forward to 2009... I am so done with 2008 and... some people, places and things also!!

Wishing everyone a Happy 2009!

-WonderWoman

Xmas has passed...

I was re-reading my blogs from the last few holiday seasons... damn depressing, huh?
Well this season was similar in circumstances, and I planned to just wait it out until it passed.

Well I am almost thru the holiday season, and this year just like last I boycotted some events and dinners, but not as many... progress (smile).

One more holiday and then back to our regulary programmed lives...

-WonderWoman

Random humorous thoughts today...

I had an eventful weekend with my son... what don't get you locked up can only increase your already twisted sense of humor and bring you to church for an extra dose of praise and worship as you let go and let God. This is one of those Mondays... when you wake up and say to yourself I trust that it will get better. Laughter is therapeutic, and thats why I hang out with so many humor specialists (some take their humor to the stage to share with the world as professinal comedians, while others share their humor with friends, family, and strangers that happen to cross their path). I started my morning off filled with funny thoughts. First it started on the radio show when we did the news report about the G.W. Bush shoe attack incident in Iraq over the weekend. Then as the day has progressed I had a new twist on a common phrase that I shared with a friend and figured I would share with you also. So that brings me to some of my comical thoughts so far today:

• I think I have the next physical fitness phenomenon in the making... the next Taebo if you will imagine with me. G.W. Bush doesn't typically impress me, but his quick shoe dodging skills not only impressed me, but also inspired me. It inspired me to develop this fitness technique- G.W. Bush Shoe Dodging. The technique would include two people/sparing partners- one person would be the shoe thrower (simulate shoe throwing) and the other person would dodge and block. This could be done in repetition with some dynamic moves incorporated both for the thrower and the dodger... this could be another form of martial arts or even an Olympic sport... oh this could be huge! I betta copyright this TODAY!

• Sweet Dreams... this is a phrase commonly said to someone one their way to get some ZZZZs. I have a new twist to it... I would prefer to have a savory dream instead of a sweet dream. This twist came to me when was I was on IM Chat. This was the exchange:

Friend: NAP TIME
me: savory dreams... cuz sweets can give u cavities... savory fills u up...lol

Well those are my humorous thoughts so far today!

-WonderWoman

Dreaming...

Last night I had one of the most vivid dreams that I can remember. Most of the time I do not remember my dreams, or definitely not so vividly. This dream reminded of some valuable aspects of my Being:

• I tend to gain energy from the energy and passion of others.
• I am drawn to people who are aware of their passion and driven by it. My closest friends are passion and purpose driven people (even if they don't realize it sometimes), and they are definitely a part of my support team that keeps me motivated, inspired, and reassured.
• I thrive in interdependent (not dependent) relationships that are establised because of mutual respect, appreciation and admiration for each other.
• Writing is very cathartic for me, and creates a safe space for my authentic self. I am ME through my writing. In my dream my passion for writing brought my purpose to the light for me to understand and to guide me. It also deepened my connection with my life partner (that I am getting ready for... he ain't here yet but he's on the way... smile) and brought Tyler Perry and Oprah into my life.

This dream awakened me in a way that I really needed!

-WonderWoman

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance.

This morning on the radio were we talking about relationships, during our Book Club segment. We are reading The Audacity of Hope, By Barack Obama. We have been discussing the last chapter, Family, and this is my favorite part of the book. Everyone should add this book to their book collection.

The conversation moved into discussing the disproportionate ratio of marriageable women to men. One of the co-host... the only male involved in this part of the discussion said, "Women need to step their game up..." as it relates to the reality of the disproportion. He said that men are being more strategic as they find a partner. Of course his statement in the studio with three women... got intense. My reply was and is... WE BOTH NEED TO STEP OUR GAME UP! Men need to stop taking advantage of the fact that a "good" man is in high demand. And women need to stop operating from a deficit mindframe. Women, as we age, we are facing the "statistics" and starting to wonder if we will crap out in this game of finding the "right" life partner. We have to stop accepting less than what we deserve all in the attempt to not be alone. We also need to have the audacity to hope that with an open heart and by decluttering our lives of relationships that are not "right" in our lives that we will be the love we seek and have the love we deserve.

The last few months, I have been at a place where I realize that I am tired of the "for right now" relationships (incl. friends, family, and others), and I need to really open my heart and realign my energy so that I can connect with Mr. Wonderful Brotha for WonderWoman. As I stated in prior posts, I am detoxing my life these days, and staying hopeful. I have ended some relationships and redefined others, as I make room for peace and more love. I am blessed beyond words to have so many loving people in my life... I am realizing I need to get out of my own way and I need to be the love that I seek.

As I declutter and make room in my life for new possibilities in my life, I have been reconnecting and meeting some intriguing people. I am at a good place in my life, and though some days don't feel good... I know I am moving forward in the right direction. I just have to get out there:

• I have committed to go to more social events with my broader network of friends. I love facebook, because I have been able to reconnect with so many people from my past and I have started actually catching up with some folks beyond writing on their wall that we need to catch up. Each time I go out I realize how disconnected I have been, and I meet new people everytime. I have been kinda been just staying in my comfort circle and its time that I expand my circle.
• I also have been actually telling people I know that I am open to being introduced to friends, friends of friends, etc. if they know of someone that might be a good possibility. I can get thru a cup of coffee with just about anyone, and if nothing else it will give me more variety for my blogs (smile). I have been thinking about the online dating thang, but I just don't know about that...
• I am spending more time with my family (biological and soulconnected). This holiday season I am looking forward to spending time with my Daddy. I haven't seen or spoken to him as often as I think about him... and I just miss him. I am redifining my relationship with other family members so that I can appreciate our love for each other without excluding them from my day to day life (just talk to them and see them in dosages that make sense for me... smile).
• I am adjusting to being a mom of 16 and 12 year old boys. We are finding ways to spend time together that honors their stages in growing up. I am letting go more, and figuring out my coaching role for each of them.

I know I am moving in the right direction... I just have to let go of what was or "shoulda been", accept what is, and ask the Universe to guide toward what will be...

pg. 115 of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle
"How to be at peace now? By making peace with the present moment. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. It cannot happen anywhere else. Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do or choose to do, or rather what life does through you. There are three words that convey the secret art of living, the secret of all success and happiness: One With Life. Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

-WonderWoman

Tis the Season...

This week is the beginning of the Holiday season, and for the last few years this has been a humdrum time of the year for me also. I love my family and friends, more than I could ever put into words, and I love spending time with them. The holidays tend to highlight my many mixed feelings...

happiness
gratitude
fullness (literally and spiritually)
sadness
loneliness
frustration
hopeful
blessed
contemplative
and the list could go on.

Today, I spent time with a woman who is in a state of contemplation, regret, and doubt. She sought me out today, because she and I stopped really talking a couple of years ago. I was hesitant at first to spend time with her today, but my spirit whispered to me and reminded me I released my anger with her and she seemed like she needed something that was bigger than our human experiences together. She needed someone to talk to, and as God's love representative I am reminded that listening doesn't have to cost me anything. After spending time with her today, I came home and decided that I would start this Holiday season differently from years past.

I acknowledge that the season puts the spotlight on some things in my life that I am not satisfied with, but I will rejoice and enjoy time with my family... because last year taught me so much about me about preciousness of time with family. I am not fully ready to manage the 20 questions of when I will find "that special someone" at family gathers... ughhhh but this year I won't boycott Holiday dinners :-) I think I will prepare my own 20 questions, like... if you are so concerned about me being single, why haven't you introduced me to some potential partners?

This week of thanksgiving... I am rejoicing and grateful for the blessings in my life (even those circumstances or situations that have been painful or are painful right now).

I am grateful for...

• My first heartbreak and heartache, because the recovery of that time taught me the most valuable lesson... this too shall pass, I will be just fine, and I came out on the other side wiser and stronger. Each time after that, I still went thru the process... but I always knew that in time I would be just fine.
  
• My days of real poverty as a young mother, because I got on my feet and even in these financially trying times I am facing these days... I know I will recover and things will get better it will just take discipline, time, faith, and hope.
• The haters and doubters, because I learned to not defined myself by what others thought of me. That was a hard lesson because as a teenage mother everyone had so many negative thoughts about me, my future and the future of my family. Those times planted the seeds of some negative self talk that I still have to silence with the truth to this day. As my sons grow up and make their own mistakes, in the still of the night I still hear those voices of not being (fill in the blank) "enough" and I push thru the anxiety of not doing this or that "right". Today I am defined by my purpose, my growth, my strength, and my courage to keep striving to be better and better... that is what defines WonderWoman.
  
• The relationships that didn't work out, because each time I learn more about myself and what I need and desire in my perfect partner. Today, I am hopeful that as I continue to get ready for my life partner... he is somewhere preparing himself for me also. I am encouraged to keep my eyes and heart open for my "Barack" to complement my inner "Michelle" ;-). Thank you Daddy for always being able to make me feel better, just with your hug and edification. I am so loved, and knowing that gets me thru!

I will get thru the Holiday season... hopeful for what the future will bring into my life, and enjoying the present.

So Blessed and Encouraged,
WonderWoman

I'm a work in progress...

The space I am in the last week or so is not really even about someone else, as much as it is about me... and the fact that I am a work in progress. I have lost myself to an extent along the way these past few years. I am so much more than the roles I have in my life, and the more my roles stop reflecting what I desire in my life the more I have to face that truth. When things are not going as I would hope within my roles, the negative self talk begins to dominate that is a set up for self-destruction. Avoidance is the coping strategy that I turn to first, and it serves me for a moment... but it always leads to chaos eventually.

In my About Me section I say, " I am enjoying my life and the many roles I have in this journey. My most amazing accomplishment at this point in my life, has been the blessing of motherhood, because it has shaped fabulous ME." Well, I am truly grateful for my life and all that comes with it, and lately I have been struggling to deal with my dissatisfaction with things in my life. I really try hard to not be ungrateful, so sometimes I deny my dissatisfaction. I want more from my life and my relationships with my family, with my friends, and yearn to have a loving relationship a life partner. Relationships strengthen me in so many ways, and they also drain me at times. As a woman I have been doubting myself and some of the whys and whynots:

• of love- just tired and disappointed....
• of motherhood- I feel like my logic model for raising my children is not working... my inputs are not producing the outcomes for my 16 year old as I had hoped.
• of daughterhood- I thought I would be doing better then I am right now, and I feel like I am not being the best daughter I can be these days.
• of familyhood- I struggle with the balance between boundaries and just not being a "good" family member.
• of friendhood- I have been so blah lately... I fear I am not being a "good" friend either...

My most recent Revelation...
It's amazing how looking at my struggles with my 16 year old son has brought to the surface some deeper issues with how I relate to men in my life. My biggest frustration with my son is that he is not living up to his potential, and his self centered ways have been very self destructive for him. As his mother I really struggle with the "I-am-not-a-good-enough-mother-syndrome" that most women face as mothers, and feeling like its my fault when he fails. I know failure brings lessons, but its hard for me to separate what are my son's burdens to bare and what are mines as our relationship changes. I know I have to keep teaching and coaching even when I think he "should" know this by now... but it's getting harder to do that and not begin to be resentful. He is becoming a young man, and I know I have to give him the space to be his own person and I know I will probably not agree with some of his choices. He continues to start off strong yet finish poorly, and resists my support and guidance all along the way. I was so angry with him recently and more importantly hurt, because I believe in his potential so much that it just breaks my heart when he falls short of his best. I recently had a revelation that the hurt I feel comes from a deeper place. I have been here before... believe in a male and hoping they would be more than what they showed themselves to be... my father, my brother, my sons' father, and my last few Ex-boyfriends. I pay into the love bank and just don't get the return I sometimes hope for...

In my last post, I guess you could tell... my heart hurts and I feel sad these days. But it is so much bigger than YOU or my son... it is really my frustration with myself. I am frustrated with myself for putting so much of ME into relationships... to the point where I begin to loose myself. And I also am realizing that I need to check myself... when I invest myself into a relationship, what is the return that I am hoping for... because I am not always honest with myself about what I hope for or need as a return on my investment.

Forgiveness is the gift I am working on for myself. Forgiveness of myself most of all. Some relationships in my life have to change, and that's not a bad thing... it just is what it is. I need to put me first and remind myself of my priorities:

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

I have to remember that as I work on becoming a better WonderWoman... I will have to recognize the valleys, learn the lesson, and come up out... wiser and better!

-WonderWoman

Troubles by Alicia Keys

My Soul Cries...

The high of seeing unimaginable possibilities come true with the election of President Elect Barack Obama also made me really take a look at where I am and reminded me of what I seek in my life going forward. I admire Barack and Michelle's genuine love for each other, and seeing that reminds me of how much I want that in my life. I am single, and I want my "Barack", someone that I can believe in and together we are better than we are as individuals.

The Sunday before the election, I realized that I could no longer deny how I was feeling about YOU... and we are not just friends in my heart, so I have to let YOU go. I don't want to hate on YOUR happiness and I want to free my heart so I can find my happiness. I am blessed in so many ways, and our friendship has truly been one of those blessings. I have compartmentalized my feelings for YOU for too long, and that has to stop because its not authentic. After seeing the unimaginable happen on November 4th, I have to let the hope I had for the change in our country be the same hope that I have for healing my heart and finding the love I desire and deserve. My Daddy said only a fool would not choose me, as only my Daddy would say. Thinking of YOU as a fool, makes me feel better for a moment... but I really have to get past feeling like I am the fool.

I have passed the denial stage (finally), and taking on the the angry/sad and "what I can learn about myself to make me better" stages at the same time. I had to make a new Itunes Playlist... IWillGetThruThis. Two songs that really speak to how I feel right now: Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys and This too Shall Pass by India Arie...

Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys




The lyrics that sum up how I am feeling right now:
Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be


This too Shall Pass by India Arie



The lyrics from this song that really speaks to my heart:
My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized
that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

-WonderWoman

It's a New Day!!!

I am loving this song!!!

Will.I.Am - New Music - More Music Videos

It's a NEW DAY!!!

HOPE and JOY!!!

This is a IM chat I just had with a friend of mines who just a few days ago shared with me that he was so disgusted with the last election that he was not HOPEFUL with the 2008 election. I am sharing this chat, because it really captures not only my thoughts about this historic victory and movement, but also captures the paradigm shift that is possible and needed in order for us the "be the change... we want to see"...

November 5, 2008 around 11am
me: whoooo hooooooo

President-elect Barack Obama!!!!

DJ: You are drunk.

me: drunk off of HOPE and JOY!!!

and i am going off of about 3 hours sleep... and was at the radio station at 5:45am

DJ: I thought it was E and J not H and J.

me: lol

DJ: You taking a nap or are you up for the day?

me: i am taking a nap in a few

i haven't really been able to sleep since sunday night

so i am running on fumes and naps for the last few days

DJ: Damn playa. Since Sunday?

me: just restless i have been anxious for the last few days about what is coming next for me in my life, and the results of last night

DJ: Really? Why so?

me: i have done voter education work for years off and on and the apathy in our community justifiable to a point was disheartening to me. I have been inspired these last few months, as millions of people registered to vote for the first time or committed to voting again after not voting for years. Some of these citizens said they would give voting another chance w/ this election because they wanted to believe that we have to do better than we have been doing for the last 8 years. I know this experience at this time has helped to turn the tides for a better tomorrow. Individuals can feel the power of not only their vote but their power to hold policy makers accountable for what is just and fair in our nation.

i dont think one man or the government alone is going to save us from our woes, i am not naive enough to think that.

but i do believe in the power of grassroots movements and this is the beginning of a new time for our generation to lead.

damn i think that is going to be my blog for today...

DJ: Oh snaps. [as I said in the intro of this blog... DJ was not feeling HOPEFUL a few days ago.]

I agree. Obama has the potential to inspire an entire generation of black leaders to actually LEAD.

me: yes and not be self-proclaimed leaders but actual shepherds of change and justice

DJ: Exactly.

And it's about time too.

me: i am tired of so many "experts" and "leaders" who don't do sh**

"leaders" who only protect their personal interests...

DJ: No one has been doing sh** since are leaders started getting assassinated.

me: i truly believe you have to willing to sacrifice for freedom and justice... and some have died for it. if you can't push past the fear than you can't stand for too long before you run and hide... behind titles and BS

DJ: Well "they" gave us a few crumbs off the table.

To shut us up and that's exactly what we did.

me: yup for almost 3 decades!

DJ: Now we see we don't need their crumbs. We can have a seat at the table.

me: this election was a slam dunk

and that is huge, no doubt or question

not a "well he just barely did it"... WE DID IT!!!

DJ: Yeah I can't wait to hear lil black kids start saying they want to be president.

Not they want to be a basketball player or rapper lol.

me: i just hope that the millions of new voters don't think their job is done

the work just begins after elections are over

DJ: Yep.

Well let me get some work done.

me: lol

yeah i am going to take a nap

holla at u lata

DJ: aight. peace.

Well I am going to really go and try to get some rest...
-WonderWoman

Indescribable...

On this AWESOME historic day, November 4, 2008 I started my day at 5am. Well actually earlier than that because I could not sleep. I recently joined a morning radio show and close to the end of the week as we would announce "how many days until election day", I was getting tired of waiting. I was just ready for this day to hurry up and get here. Well it is here and I woke up several times before I got out of bed at 5am to get ready to go to the radio station. The show starts and 6am... I still can't believe I am doing this. I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!! But I have been having a great time on the show.

Well this morning felt different. As I got dressed and heading to the station I felt this knot in my stomach... my anxious belly began early this morning. Then when the show started at 6am and the callers started calling in to report their invigorating experiences at the polls as they waited in line to cast their vote... I connected with others that had the same anxious indescribable feeling in thier belly. This is an AWESOME time for the United States, and we are going to do it... I can just feel it in my belly.

I was saying to one of the co-host on the radio show, that I truly can't imagine Barack Obama not being elected as the next President of the United States. I have never gone into something with such optimism and not at least explored the possibility of the "what if" it doesn't happen. I usually at least think about the "what if" scenario, at least once... as a way to prepare myself for disappointment. This experience has changed me at a deeper place, beyond the election and the roles of policy makers, policy enforcers, and policy interpretors ... this is one of the few times in my life that I have experienced the truth of what HOPE is.
Webster's definition of HOPE:
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence

I expect with confidence that Senator Barack Obama will be elect the next President of the United States. I don't predict it... I expect it. Because WE have united for change, and it is that Unity that give me HOPE.

I can't wait for the announcement....

Dreams do come true...

When I saw this episode on Oprah I was brought to tears. This is all about dreams and the loving support of others to help make dreams come true. This is a video of a 16 year old phenomenal singer that is singing in NY with Celine Dion which is her dream come true. They sing "Because You Love Me" and dedicate it to Charice's mom. As I listen to her sing with Celine I remember and celebrate all of the people in my life that I would dedicate this song to because collectively several people in my life have been my inspiration and my strength when I am weak.

Charice and Celine Dion Sing "Because You Love Me"



So Loved,
WonderWoman

My OtherMotha/Shero has been reading my blog...

and reminded me that I have been on this leg of my journey for a while... She described my last six months or so as the winter season and spring is beginning. She said that the seeds are getting ready to bloom. She also informed me that she has been catching up on my blog. Actually I think she must have read all of my blogs for the last year recently... because she craftily used them to... encourage me. Some things I am grateful for...

• Yesterday I accepted a j-o-b that is truly heaven-sent not just because I have been stressing about financial stability but because the work taps into my personal journey and feels "right" for me at this point in my life. It's work that matters, and the work environment promotes balanced living so I can keep my priorities in order. Cheers and thanks for new beginnings.
• I am embracing my moment of change for a healthier life-mind, body, and spirit. I have been using my TurboJam DVDs... I get to dance and have fun and it has been helping me release the stress and negativity for the last few weeks (my goal is to get to a point where I am doing 30 minutes of cardio six days/wk). I am eating more veggies, and getting better about finding alternatives to my love of desserts.
  
• I am more joyful and my smile these days is more than the surface smile I have been walking around with to keep those that care about me from worrying... it is truly a soul smile... I am so GRATEFUL!!
• Distractions have their role, and lately I realized that my recent distraction doesn't really fit into what I ultimately want for myself. So I ended a relationship last Tuesday that did not serve my best interest... and actually intensified my feelings of loneliness because he just wasn't Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman. I will be patient and not settle.

-WonderWoman

It's a Beautiful Day...

Thursday and Friday were Breakthru Days FOR REAL!! Wednesday night I couldn't sleep and I have come to appreciate those still moments of the night. They are the times when the noise in my head gets quiet and I can open my heart and communicate with God, through the tears I feel a deep sense of comfort. On Wednesday night as I cried, all I kept saying is "God I trust you, I trust you. I surrender to your will for me. No matter the outcome I know I can trust in your guidance, if I just listen and act when you guide me to act." If you read my last few posts, things have been heavy to say the least for me. All along the way though when I was able to quiet the negative talk, I would get clear about what is most important for me... my priorities. Doing this would remind me that I knew I would get thru "it" (losing a job, dealing with health issues, feeling lonely, and facing the junk in my trunk... to be more specific).

I am an experienced valley dweller and I am a stronger more gifted woman because of my experience. Today is a beautiful day because I claim it and commit to seeing the assets around me and not spend so much energy on the challenges I am facing. Mary J's song Beautiful Day from the No More Drama CD has been on my mind for the last few days. I am so grateful that I can see the truth... It's a Beautiful Day!!!

There isn't an actual video for this song, but I wanted to add it so I found this on YouTube:

It's getting more CLEAR...

Over the last few months more an more areas of my life seem unclear and unstable. I am feeling as if several pieces of my life have been tossed in the air and I am unsure of how the pieces will fall into place. One of the pieces that really just brought my life into perspective was a recent health scare that I have been facing for the last few weeks. This brought some of my deepest fears to the surface. My fears of:
*not being strong "enough"...
*not being good "enough"...
*not doing the "right" thing...
*not being able to take care of my family, and not being there for my sons when the need me most...
*being alone when I yearn for a life partner through the good and bad times. I am tired of going thru the bad times ALONE. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be "ok"...

Well, yesterday I was relieved to hear "we didn't see any thing on the images that would lead us to believe that these abnormalities are cancerous". I still have to follow up with a Breast Specialist and deal with some other health issues, but I am so relieved and thankful that I have the opportunity to get my body healthier without having to also battle with the Big C. I am so GRATEFUL!!! I have to get serious about my priorities (see my last post).

My Gratitude

• I am grateful for God's Grace and Mercy! I could never give enough THANK YOUs to God for his loving arms. He loves me in spite of my faults and offers Grace and Mercy to pulls me thru.
• I am grateful for God's whisper when fear and uncertainty wake me from my slumber. He reminds me that he holds me in his arms and I WILL get thru the obstacles of life with his love... just trust him. I am realizing that right now God's arms are the ones I need most, and Mr.WonderfulMan will come when I am ready. I will take better care of my mind, body, and spirit because this is the vessel I was given and I have to do better.
  
• I am grateful to have so many amazing people in my life that inspire me because of who they are and how much they care for me.
  
• I am grateful for past lessons that showed me that I may fall down, but I can get back up again, so I know I will get back up again this time too!!!
• I am grateful for my love of writing, because these days journaling is often the only places I have been able to "let go" when I feel afraid.
• I am grateful for great music. My Itunes is like a soundtrack of my life, which is why I love to post songs that speak to the moment more eloquently than I can.
  
• I am grateful for my son D's smile. I am proud of him for making better connections to his gifts and talents. He reminds me that growth doesn't always look pretty and the rainy season is needed in order for amazing flowers to blossom. I luv u D! He inspires me to take my own advice these days...
• I am grateful that I get another day to become better than I was yesterday.

My Prayer Today: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Well I need to get going and start my day. Happy Friday!!!
-WonderWoman

My Reminder...

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

Around my birthday I reassessed my priorities, and this post is just my reminder. I have been taking steps to get my life in order based on these priorities, and in the midst of these changes... fear has made it hard for me to move sometimes. I have to trust that as I LET GO... I will be able to push past the fear of:

• the unknown
• making the "wrong" decision
• not being able to adequately take care of my family financially and emotionally
• moving the rock because I am not comfortable with what might be underneath

I push past these fears most of the time, definitely with the help of others in my life, because my negative self-talk can be so disabling sometimes. My friends and family are truly God's love representatives in my life and I am so GRATEFUL!

-WonderWoman

Thankful that I am NEVER ALONE!!!

This video is my hearts song... I am at a critical place in my journey and in the silence of the night, when fear wakes me up out of my sleep... God comes to me in a whisper and for the last week or so he has been reminding me that I have to embrace the journey and trust him. I have to remember that this is a journey, so I have to stop asking "why?", and instead ask "what is the lesson and what do I need from this?"

NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT- Marvin Sapp



To my Friends and Fam- THANK YOU!!! I have some amazing people in my life, and I am so GRATEFUL!

Sistas- take care of your mind, body, and spirit. Pay attention to what is going on with your body and we all need to just get healthier. My body has been talking to me and is forcing me to get serious about my journey to better health.

Grateful,
WonderWoman

Break Ups are Hard...

I am in the final phase of my break up with my J-O-B. To disengage from a community is hard, and so bittersweet. I will miss the daily, "Hi Ms. G" and the regular check-ins with students as we pass in the halls. Its been harder to let go than I thought it would be. Hardest part has been trying to think about how to say "see you later" to students that I have connected with during my time there. I have been avoiding it, but next week I have to face it. I will have to schedule lunch visits with some particular students... I will miss them!

Preparing my heart and mind to LET GO...

-WonderWoman

Work That...

The first few days of school have begun, and I have been so glad to see the students coming back after having a good summer. I cut my hair over the summer, and I am loving my wash and go... so of course students noticed the change. Several of the girls said things like, "Ms. G it looks nice, but why did you cut your hair. You have "good"/"long" hair. Why you want it short? I wish I had hair like yours."

In those short moments I remember the reality of Black girls hair and body image complexes. I reminded them that I am so much more than my hair. One student was hanging out with me for a little while so I let listen to one of my favorite Mary J songs: Work That from the Growing Pains Album. We had a really good conversation about the message in this song and the need for all of us to love and celebrate our beauty!

Remember that we are teaching the next generation, through our actions not just our words. We can't tell young women they should love themselves and we don't love ourselves.

YES WE CAN... YES I WILL!!!

Michelle Obama's speech inspired me... Barack Obama's speech moved me and filled my soul and spirit with renewed hope... I am so excited to do my part to be the change we are moving towards.

I watched Barack Obama's speech with my sons and though they don't fully understand how I feel, but as I spoke to them to explain why I feel so inspired and hopeful... I also was reminded of why I have chosen personally and professionally to be the agent of change that I continue striving and working towards.

Webster's definition of HOPE:
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence


I HOPE that as a nation we will stand together and vote on November 4th for the change we need... and after that moment I HOPE that as a nation we will continue to stand together and do the work and support the policy changes and do the work that needs to be done. We need to make our individual commitments to change in our self, our families, our communities, our nation.

YES WE CAN... YES I WILL!!
WonderWoman

Transition...

Today I choose to remember that I am “here” for a reason…

I often encourage young people to find their inner superhero, and today I choose to remember my own advice. I have been feeling stuck and afraid to move for a while, and I have begun to get unstuck and I am ready to move. I will use this time of transition to enhance my inner superhero. Today, I am reminded of Marianne Williamson's passage:

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I found my passion and purpose over the last two years through my work with children and adults at varying places on their personal continuum of happiness and super heroism. Lately I have deepened my understanding of some of my triumphs, trials and tribulations as I move on this same continuum. It is from my own experiences that I have been able to relate and support students and adults as they face their fears and strive to be better today than they were yesterday. Sometimes I have felt like a fraud when I am encouraging others to do what I am often afraid to do myself... to be "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous". I am in another transition on my own continuum and transition is often a scary place for me. Life is a spiral. Sometimes I feel like I am going up the spiral and sometimes I feel like I am going down the spiral.

Today I wrote a farewell letter to my colleagues announcing that I will be leaving the school I have been working at for over a year. I am taking a risk and leaving my current role in search of a role that is better suited for me to be "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous". I am not sure what my next piece of work will be, but I have been blessed to work with colleagues and leaders that believes in me, and I have an opportunity to find a role that is aligned with my strengths and will continue to help me grow into my purpose.

I have been feeling really ambivalent about leaving my current job, because I feel sad that I am leaving students and colleagues that I care for deeply. I celebrate many successes over the last year or so in this work and I also have felt out of balance personally and professionally for quite sometime now. Circumstances sometimes force you to make a decision and get unstuck. I am shifting my perspective about my current space. I am moving up the spiral and I feel excited. Every day is filled with new possibilities and I will push past my fears. I am blessed to have wonderful friends, family, and colleagues and I will remember they are my source of strength and encouragement as I move forward and continue to embrace the superhero in ME.

Blessed and Encouraged,

WonderWoman

One of my favorite Days...

Happy New Year/Born Day to me!!! Today I woke up feeling more hopeful than I have felt in a while. My New Year has begun and I am excited about the new possibilities ahead of me.

I have been really thinking a lot about what are my personal priorities as I think about my life and make some decisions as as I move forward personally and professionally. Reflecting on my last year has been a process, and it has also pushed me to get focused on my priorities vs. others priorities. This month I am focusing on reconnecting with myself and trusting God's guidance. I am ready to get out of my own way...

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me


Thanks to you family and friends who shared in my Born Day weekend. Some highlights of my weekend:

• I went to Merengue Restaurant for dinner with some friends. I love good comfort food with my amazing friends. I had enough left over for lunch and dinner the next day.
• I rested... the week was long and I was exhausted, so on Saturday I just chilled and then went out with my sons that evening.
  
• I enjoyed spending time with my sons and some of our "healthy" debates.
• I saw a few films at the Roxbury Film Festival. The Festival was wonderful and I really enjoyed the movies that I saw- Of Men and Boys with Robert Townsend and Steam with Ruby Dee.
• I now share my Born Day with the official Ruby Dee Day in the City of Boston. She received a City of Boston Citation that officially announced Ruby Dee Day... that was inspirational in so many ways. Elder Black women inspire me and leave me hopeful. They remind me that I have decades left to be more and more wonderful and fabulous...
• I ended my Born Day with one of my favorite things... Lemon cake from the Cheese Cake Factory... yummy!

Thank you to my friends and family for sharing one of my favorite days/weekends.

Inspired and Loved,
WonderWoman

My Pilgrimage to Alabama and back...

I stayed up the whole night before my early morning flight to ATL, then we rented a car and drove to Alabama (4.5 hour drive).

Highlights from my pilgrimage:

• During my drive I got a marriage proposal at a gas station from a brotha in need of a dental plan. That was different... I had to say NO! He was not quite my type, but I do love a SouthernGentleMan... teeth are a requirement (lol).
  
• Reconnected with my cousin over a Sonic Milkshake and french fries.
  
• As always, enjoyed my slumber party with my Grandma/shero, and our drives are always fun!
  
• Fell in love with my little cousin QJ. He and I spent two days together. It was hard for me to say good-bye. I hope his mother gets it together and give him and his little sister what they deserve... love and stability.
• Danced, laughed, and cried as I remembered my Auntie... RIP Auntie P
• Creating more memories with my family across five generations!

It was a bittersweet trip to Alabama, and I always come home more grounded in the legacy of strength from my Grandmother and other family members.

So Blessed,
WonderWoman

I can be...

... So much more emotionally open in writing than I can be verbally.

A friend just called me after reading an email about my a la Summer Adventures plan that I sent and then came to check out my blog. She and I talk regularly, yet she just told me how it takes reading my words to truly understand how I am feeling, because I seem distant and silent lately. She quoted a phrase I use often to say the feeling outloud but not really deal with it outloud... "it is what it is".

A typical "feeling" conversation these days:
I say- this or that happened. i feel pissed/hurt/frustrated/angry/disappointed/insert other feelings i don't like to feel.
s/he says- wow. that sucks/that's not okay/she is ridiculous/ he is stupid/insert other empathetic statements following a typical "this sucks" rant!
I say- it is what it is... (change subject)

After she said this to me... I realized that I am getting more and more emotionally silent, even with those I lean on most. Some of my silence is because I don't want to hear myself or my feelings outloud, other times I am just trying to stop complaining so frequently and re-living events that frustrate me. I realized its harder for me to get past my frustration if I re-tell/re-live an event more than once. So if I told one person than I am really trying not to then re-tell/re-live it more than that.

So in some ways when I am asked how I am doing, that is why I say what ever I am feeling at that moment and then change topics... and other times I do this because I actually... don't want to deal with it outloud.

I will be okay... and one way I know that for sure is because I have finally said OUTLOUD and via email (smile) that I need others to help me come out of the valley. Blogland has been my written outloud place to express somethings when I am ready to at least write them down... thats what I appreciate most about blogging.

Well I have done enough sharing.... wow 3 post in two days, and 1 post on my BMU Blog. I am exhausted with all this feeling stuff... lol.

Moving toward the light out of the cave,
WonderWoman

A la Summer Adventures

Hello Friends and Fam,

The last few months have been filled with emotional highs and lows for me... and I am ready to work my way out of the valley... and one of the things I need to do is get excited about things I can change. I haven't been satisfied with some of my current circumstances... and one of the things I have been complaining about is not going on vacation... so I am vacationing at home this Summer... a la Summer Adventures. I would love to have friends and family along for my adventures so I wanted to share some of the things I am interested in doing and if anything sparks your interest let me know, because I could use the company. Pack a picnic basket and cooler and enjoy some of the free or damn near free things going on in the city... Simple things with good company are always spirit boasters for me.

Things I want to do this summer-

• face my fear of water by going kayaking (maybe even take a class (http://www.paddleboston.com/paddle_school/introkayak.php);
  
• definitely spend more time at the ocean;
• taking swimming lessons;
• go to motorcycle class to get my license (no bike but something I have always wanted);
• of course my usual pilgrimage to Six Flags at least twice (once to enjoy the waterpark and another time to hit the rollercoasters).
• Enjoy many of the local events around the City.

Some cool stuff to do: http://www.searchboston.com/happenings.html.

Let me know if you want to roll with me on any of my Summer Adventures... we can catch up and have fun! Also, I haven't figured out what I will do for my Birthday weekend (August 3rd), but I am taking some days off from work and when I figure it out I will let you know.

Remembering to keep reaching higher,
WonderWoman

RIP Auntie...

Auntie, your pain started long before your heart began to fail you physically and caused your body to deteriorate. Your pain probably started before I was born, because your journey was hard for as long as I can remember...

Ur life sure ain't been no crystal stair... pain and addiction left destruction on your journey. Yet for all the things "wrong" on your journey... you showed me some things that have helped to make me a better woman and mother. Your pain and despair created an awareness for me that deterred me from the path of addiction. I saw first hand that you loved your children and family, yet addiction could be stronger than your love at times. In spite of the stronghold of your addiction you, the love you shared with George was so deep, and that lives in my heart and faith in love. Beyond the surface and chaos you shared that rare true love... Thru thick and thin yall never walked away from each other. When everyone was telling George to let you go, he stayed and was the best father and husband he could be thru it all.

Loosing George Thanksgiving 2007 broke your already weak heart. I look at pictures of the two of you at family reunions... yall were the life of the party. Today, I know your pain is gone and your spirit is free to meet your true love again. Tell George I said "wassup". Tell Granddaddy, I am sleeping in his t-shirt tonight because whenever its time to go to Alabama is bittersweet because "the house" just ain't the same without him.

You know our family, so the planning for your homegoing will probably have some drama flavor added to the mix. I am trying to coordinate the travel plans for folks up here. I wonder who will sing your song... smile. I will hold YourBabyBoy when I see him, and pray he gets passed his anger and have love around him to support him when the grief gets real hard.

Though we haven't been as close over the years. Please know it is not because I didn't love you. Between the miles, and some of the drama of your circumstance... in my adult years our relationship was distant. You were a part of my foundation, and I thank you for your spirit. We had some fun times when I was growing up and during family reunions... dancing, talking, and your spunk was contagious.

I am blessed that I was able to see you in February. It was hard for me to see my spunky Auntie debilitated... so I hope you can forgive my quietness. Once, I got passed my sadness, and we started reminiscing in the living room about your life and the different family moments... I was able to see past your condition and remember how much fun I had with you.

Your a legend... fun, spunky, take no mess, love filled woman. I have stories of my Auntie letting folks know... she ain't the one to tested ;-)

Your addiction masked your true love filled spirit at times, and my cousins and our family have suffered because of the ugliness of addiction. I know you loved them and us... I never doubted that. When I would be in Alabama you always welcomed my children and I into your home and offered us whatever you had. I love you for that.

All of the women in my life helped to shape me... your thumbprint in my life is:
-You reminded me to enjoy moments because those memories get you thru hard times. Because of our memories I always knew you were more than the mask of your addiction. Like my father, you helped make my heart big and deep because I am able to still love you even when I didn't always like and respect some things that you did.
-You reminded me to seek enlightenment and love instead of dangerous escapes to deal when the pain of my own journey has been so unbearable at time. You reminded me of this thru your experiences. I wish you and my cousins didn't have to be that example, because at your core you were a loving mother. I pray for their healing... God continue to carry them and be the light they need.
-The love you shared with George reminded me of my favorite love story... "There Eyes Were Watching God".
-You sparked my love of ice cream, when you use to take us to the Ice Cream Hut when you lived on Alaska St. Our late night ice cream dining... I still do that til this day.
-Dancing is always a freeing experience for me and you were one of my first dance teachers.


In honor of my Auntie... Someone singing one of her favorite gospel songs... I won't complain


I love you Auntie...

-WonderWoman

Closure

Closure is a challenge for me in some aspects of my life, and sometimes I know its for self serving reasons. A truth I am realizing... when I don't close the door completely, then I still have the option of reverse. I know how to close doors, I've done it when I was ready to do it. Am I just not ready, or is it fear??

Hmmmm....

Uh Oh...

I slipped out of neutral... into reverse last week (see my neutral post)

But I am back in NEUTRAL because that's where I need to be... in this moment.

As I work to not avoid feelings that nag at me sometimes... sadness and loneliness is not what I want to feel so I try to ignore them when they show up. In the truth of acknowledging the presence of my feelings and letting them pass... I have been feeling lonely. I have had quite a bit of solitude the last few weeks, and most of the time by choice... but the last week or so... not always by choice... just circumstance.

One of my theme songs...

and the song that inspired the title of my blog- I Choose by Indie Arie

NEUTRAL has it's purpose

A little while ago I had a conversation with a superhero friend about the metaphoric role of Neutral in life. At the time of this conversation, I was down and I couldn't fully grasp the metaphor... but time has passed and I didn't let go of the pearl of wisdom that he shared with me. I am realizing more and more that NEUTRAL truly has it's purpose.

These are some of the purpose of NEUTRAL on your car (I got this online, and only posting for metaphoric purposes... consult someone who knows the automotive details about NEUTRAL on your car for driving purposes... cuz that ain't me... lol)

• Neutral is not a gear.
• This can be used for example if your car stalls while moving, you can shift to neutral, restart the engine and then shift back to drive.
• it disconnects the engine from the transmission, this allows the vehicle to "freewheel", works great also if your car is parked in a garage for example and you want to roll it frontward or backward a foot or 2 for example, rather than starting the vehicle and wasting gas you can place the transmission in neutral and push the vehicle.
• Neutral is also used as a space between Reverse and Drive, that keeps you from accidentally shifting into reverse from drive without pressing on the button on the gearshift first.

These are some of the purposes of NEUTRAL in my life, these days...

• I just need to "disconnect the engine from the transmission" for some matters- I feel like some things have stalled in my life and I just need to shift to neutral, restart my engine... and then I am ready to move forward. This is not a permanent state, just a necessary position to help me restart for these particular matters.
• "Freewheeling" for some other matters- I am just "freewheeling" for a short distance before I switch into gear... "reverse" or "drive" which one, I am not sure? Sometimes its as clear at it seems which gear I should be in for some matters. God's whisper is saying I need to be still in neutral and I may need to go in reverse in order to get back on track... and that's okay for some matters. But for now I am just "freewheeling" until its time to move in either direction.
  
• Neutral is also there for me as my protection from accidentally shifting into "reverse" from drive in a few other matters- As much as I don't like going "backwards" sometimes I do it because its familiar and/or as a distraction... those are the times when "reverse" is not the best gear. When I slip back I can always go back into N and then into "drive"...
  

Some reminders of people, things, places I am grateful for:

• sharing some time with my sistafriends... to vent, remember "I ain't the only one going thru", be encouraged, be reminded of our fantabulousness, and most of all... just be for a little while...
• my Daddy's Hugs. Sometimes I drive an hour to see him... just for a hug, and to be Daddy's Little Girl for a moment... NEUTRAL at it's best! I don't like for my Daddy to worry about me, so I sometimes don't share the details of things with him, but we've gotten to a place where its not needed... all I have to say is I just need a hug, and he knows I just need that moment to JUST BE... in a space that is so safe... my Daddy's arms!
  
• traveling down memory lane looking at my sons' photo albums... there were good times, and the reminder of how far I've come... I just can't give up now. I've come too far from where I started from... (when I get my scanner to work I will have to scan some of them)
• walks in the park... they're FREE and a great way to remember The Flowers and connect with spirit.

• A few days out of town with some of my superhero colleagues. I have been counting down the days for the last month, and now I can count down the hours... less than 48 hours!

Well I have some things I need to finish up before I leave for my trip...

Blessed and in Neutral,
WonderWoman

Peace, Be Still...

Last week truly reflected God's grace in my life and through my circumstances. The challenges are real, and when I truly let go and with faith and trust... Let God... I experienced his awesomeness. I have been quieter and that has allowed me to see more. God's whisper reminded me to listen at least twice as much as I speak. Some things I was more aware of last week:

Being more present in my day
Each morning I decided to focus on at least one aspect of my day where I would be as fully present as I could. For example, on Wednesday afternoon I decided that I would fully engage in the enrichment activity I was participating in with students. It was hard to get out of my head at first, but when I did I was fully engaged in the game and for that moment my focus was on the children I work FOR... not the stresses of my day or the tension I just experienced from colleagues just moments earlier. That really grounded me! Presence truly equaled Peace in that moment!

Being more aware of my feelings and acknowledging their presence
I am the "great avoider" of feelings that don't make me happy or that make me anxious. I was more conscious this week of my feelings and particularly the ones I didn't feel comfortable with. I took the time to name the feeling and recognize its presence and move on so that it doesn't dominate what I am doing. It's like the child that keeps calling, "mommy mommy mommy mommy" until you answer and then the child just says "you didn't answer me" and moves on. Eckhart Tolle says awareness is the foundation of higher consciousness.

Being more prayful and more aware of God's whisper throughout the day
Some things going on with me right now professionally are really trying, and I realized that I have been so passionately frustrated in these days because for the first time I can clearly see how the professional work I am doing is connected to my purpose. It is so much more than a J-O-B. In the past, I have prayed for a J-O-B, I have prayed for a way to quit a J-O-B... but I realized that I don't pray often enough for guidance in the work I am doing in my J-O-B. Last week in some work situations, I would stay silent and just pray for God's presence... and in those moments his whisper told me what I needed to do. Similarly in my personal life things have been really trying, and I am getting better about suspending my judgment and just asking for God's presence in the particular situations.

per·se·vere
intr.v. per·se·vered, per·se·ver·ing, per·se·veres
To persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.

A superhero friend asked me last week... Who are your allies at the J-O-B? Last week was truly telling of who are my allies vs. who I thought were my allies. I am not in this alone. A motto that one of my allies shared with me... "this too shall pass- I just have to live through it!"

-WonderWoman... a work in progress

I have an abundant love-filled life!

I started this blog on April 3rd, and at the time, I couldn't type more than the title, because I was really in a fog and couldn't see this to be truth in that moment. Today (April 9th), I choose to finish this blog because God is awesome and this title is THE TRUTH.

The fog was THICK. Truthfully for the last couple of months it has been getting thicker, but last week I had only about 3% visibility. Just enough visibility to remember that this title is truth, and I just needed to really LET GO & LET GOD.

The fog was some of these negative feelings that diminished my vision...

• scared
• self-doubt
  
• guilty for failing
• shame for not being a "perfect" woman, mother, friend, daughter, sister, leader... and the list of roles go on
• angry
• sadness
• hurt
• disappointed
• lied to
• lied about
• attacked
• self-pity
• defensive
• wanting
• deceived
• lonely

Sunday, I got alone so I could just focus on the 3% visibility which was my FAITH and my soul felt awareness that "I HAVE AN ABUDANT LOVE-FILLED LIFE". I went to my "I need YOU" playlist in iTunes, and one of the first song is "Still My Child" by Mary Mary, and then this song- "Show Me" by Yolanda Adams (I couldn't find the video online so here are the lyrics... ).

Show Me by Yolanda Adams
There is a place in me
That no one but You can see
And in that place I'm really insecure
I've been hurt before by man
But I'm really sure You understand
Every tear I've cried
I bet You've cried a million more
How can I get back to where my smile I had was real
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much

Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence to fill this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

In the coldness of the night
I'm surrounded by Your light
Even in the darkness,
You tell me don't be afraid
I am not afraid
After all that I've been through
I'm still valuable to you
So I run to Your arms
Where I'm safe within Your praise
And just in case I forgot to tell You
Don't ever let me go
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much

Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

Lord, show me your will
Until you do I promise that I'll be still
So, come and take these pieces and
You made me a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

Before I met You
Before I knew You
My heart ached for something that I could not explain
And then, when I saw You,
I finally knew what I thought love was before had changed
Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

So I have started each morning this week with:

• my "I need You" playlist while I enter a space for prayer
• Repeating my mantra- "I am coming out of this valley more fantabulous then before. I am growing even more, and my life is more and more love-filled thru this".

And during the day I pray for God's presence when I am am feeling the fog get thicker, thank him when I get pass the foggy spot, and ask him for his guidance so I can listen and give from my heart not my mind in some situations. I also, have Michael J, Thriller CD, in the car on rotation because that brings back so many joyful memories. During difficult situations during the day, I just sit and say my mantra in my heart and that has kept me open to seeing past words that could make me feel hurt, defensive or angry.

I have some amazing allies in this world. My superhero friends and colleagues have really helped me to turn and look up out of this valley... and I can see there is a path leading up. My BestestFriends, have been in their own valleys... and still poured into my cup. Our friendships are so heaven sent. THANK YOU for being FANTABULOUS! One of my superhero friends posted a blog, that inspired me to choose to finish this blog today, April 9th. Because it's not easy for HUmans to show their vulnerability. Vulnerability has been easier for me in Blogland than in my personal relationships, because I figure most people don't read my blogs. POPS- thank you for being my number one /probably only viewer, and we do still need to connect. I will call you this week.

So Blessed and Loved,
WonderWoman

Send me reciprocal love...

Yes, I am in a melancholy mood, so what other greatest hits CD to listen to other than... Sade. Here's a song that speaks to my mood.

Sade's release of Percy Mayfield's original song-Send Me Someone to love


I continue to work hard at following my heart. I recently took a risk and told a wonderful brotha that I have grown to have deeper feelings for him than I have been willing to acknowledge. The feelings were not reciprocated but like I told him I have no regrets. Here in an excerpt of something I wrote to him after "the talk"...


The experience allowed me to remember that in due season, Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman will join my life. I wrote different sections of the piece that follows at different points in my life, but as I look at this today... these are still my ultimate desires in Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman.

My Ultimate Desire

(I wrote this section Jan-2008)
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will bring laughter to my soul
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will inspire me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will encourage me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will push me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will support me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will enhance me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will LOVE ME!
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will receive and respectfully appreciate my LOVE FOR HIM!
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will be my partner in life-someone I can laugh, play, cry, and grow with...

(I wrote this section Summer-2006)
• He will love and respect me for my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weaknesses he will even find endearing. He will appreciate my quirks and extroverted nature.
• He is a Man that I can share all of myself with... my hopes, my dreams, and even my fears. He is confident and able to share his hopes, dreams and fears also.
• He is a kind and empathetic man in his special way.
• He will appreciate and respect my children, family, and friends.
• He is a Gentle Warrior! He’s Protective, but not a rage-filled person.
• He has vision for his life and purpose. He is motivated. We are a powerful team!
• He is supportive and encouraging, especially during those times when I am down and need a supportive push... he is there and in tuned.


What is sexy to me… (I wrote this section Spring-2004)
• A brotha with a beautiful smile (I am weak for dimples… but sexy lips are essential.)
• A tall black man with broad shoulders (over 6 feet, 220-250… depending on height. I know I am short, but I love a tall brotha.)
• A black man after a hot shower with damp skin and cocoa butter scent
• If you have hair… I love a fresh line up with a tight goatee. Bald is beautiful with a tight goatee… a freshly shaven bald head goes with the shower scene.. lol
• A brotha that smells good. Some of my favorite colognes- Kenneth Cole, Calvin Klein (they have a few scents I like), Old school Farenheit and Obssession (for nostalgia sake…lol), Prada and Sean John (new to list as of 2007ish)
• A brotha in a crisply pressed shirt with cuff links (men need accessories too…)
• Speaking of accessories… I must say one earring with a simple stud with a little sparkle in it is a great accessory (the big bling is not necessary, his earring shouldn’t be bigger than mine)
• If he is suited up… I love it when it looks like the suit was just made for him (well tailored and a style that compliments his body)
• If he’s going for the casual look… I love a nice pair of jeans on a man with just the right amount of sag to them, but not falling off.
• Nice Shoes… oh that is an important part of the package (my aunt said a man’s shoes can tell you about the man.)


This recent experience is another lesson learned, and I am getting better and better about being my authentic self. I am getting ready for love…
-WonderWoman

Let Go & Let God

I found this poem recently, and it is very fitting to where I am these days:

Let Go & Let God .

--Author Unknown

As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child" He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."

i LOVE you... from my soul

i LOVE you… from my soul
Written by WonderWoman on March 17, 2008

YOU are different people and experiences in my life that my mind is struggling to reconcile with and embrace… TODAY.

Authentic LOVE transcends to my soul
It doesn’t end because you or I say so.
Relationships change, and some are discontinued,
But my soul still loves you because it connected... with your soul
When souls connect it is so much bigger than
What you or I want…

You have your own journey and my purpose is to walk with you.
On this stretch of the journey it's time I that put you down
so you can learn to walk on your own.
You have your purpose in this life, and
I have to remember that you are actually not an extension of me.
You are your own mind, body, and soul.
I birthed you and God created you.
You, are an extension of God…
I have to learn to walk beside you...
and hold you up when you need me,
but I can't carry you that is God's work.
i LOVE you… from my soul

I grew up with you. Our lives have been interconnected for so long.
My soul feels your pain, even when I don't want it to.
I call on God for direction.
The other day, you said '''its' is no biggie...”
Yes, I understand that we are all born to live and die.
The biggie of it all is not the end…
It is the reality that time... might run out in this life
Before the healing you need happens.
My prayer for you is...
God, heal his heart in the physical and in the spiritual.
Today I have a deeper understanding of how...
love and pain have been a part of our relationship,
Yet past our minds… our souls still know each other.
i LOVE you… from my soul

You became a part of my life a while ago,
and we became interconnected...
Before my mind could talk me out of it.
Thank you for laughing and dreaming with me!
I can take the bumps of life better these days with you...
Some people around us see something that you and I don't want see.
My mind can't believe it was not able to stop this "madness".
My heart and soul know the truth.
i LOVE you… from my soul

You are so much more than a J-O-B.
You are what I was called to do.
Spirit continues to guide me in this work,
Even when my humanness gets frustrated, and
wonders if this J-O-B is for me.
In the midst of a long draining day, my soul smiles at a moment or an experience,
that I couldn't schedule or orchestrate.
This work is so much bigger than “my” agenda and “my” plan.
i LOVE you… from my soul

Today I have a deeper understanding of how LOVE… from my soul
can't be denied even when the mind struggles to accept it.