I started this blog on April 3rd, and at the time, I couldn't type more than the title, because I was really in a fog and couldn't see this to be truth in that moment. Today (April 9th), I choose to finish this blog because God is awesome and this title is THE TRUTH.
The fog was THICK. Truthfully for the last couple of months it has been getting thicker, but last week I had only about 3% visibility. Just enough visibility to remember that this title is truth, and I just needed to really LET GO & LET GOD.
The fog was some of these negative feelings that diminished my vision...
- scared
- self-doubt
- guilty for failing
- shame for not being a "perfect" woman, mother, friend, daughter, sister, leader... and the list of roles go on
- angry
- sadness
- hurt
- disappointed
- lied to
- lied about
- attacked
- self-pity
- defensive
- wanting
- deceived
- lonely
Sunday, I got alone so I could just focus on the 3% visibility which was my FAITH and my soul felt awareness that "I HAVE AN ABUDANT LOVE-FILLED LIFE". I went to my "I need YOU" playlist in iTunes, and one of the first song is "Still My Child" by Mary Mary, and then this song- "Show Me" by Yolanda Adams (I couldn't find the video online so here are the lyrics... ).
Show Me by Yolanda Adams
There is a place in me
That no one but You can see
And in that place I'm really insecure
I've been hurt before by man
But I'm really sure You understand
Every tear I've cried
I bet You've cried a million more
How can I get back to where my smile I had was real
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much
Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence to fill this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before
In the coldness of the night
I'm surrounded by Your light
Even in the darkness,
You tell me don't be afraid
I am not afraid
After all that I've been through
I'm still valuable to you
So I run to Your arms
Where I'm safe within Your praise
And just in case I forgot to tell You
Don't ever let me go
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much
Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before
Lord, show me your will
Until you do I promise that I'll be still
So, come and take these pieces and
You made me a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before
Before I met You
Before I knew You
My heart ached for something that I could not explain
And then, when I saw You,
I finally knew what I thought love was before had changed
Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before
So I have started each morning this week with:
- my "I need You" playlist while I enter a space for prayer
- Repeating my mantra- "I am coming out of this valley more fantabulous then before. I am growing even more, and my life is more and more love-filled thru this".
I have some amazing allies in this world. My superhero friends and colleagues have really helped me to turn and look up out of this valley... and I can see there is a path leading up. My BestestFriends, have been in their own valleys... and still poured into my cup. Our friendships are so heaven sent. THANK YOU for being FANTABULOUS! One of my superhero friends posted a blog, that inspired me to choose to finish this blog today, April 9th. Because it's not easy for HUmans to show their vulnerability. Vulnerability has been easier for me in Blogland than in my personal relationships, because I figure most people don't read my blogs. POPS- thank you for being my number one /probably only viewer, and we do still need to connect. I will call you this week.
So Blessed and Loved,
WonderWoman
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