RIP Auntie...

Auntie, your pain started long before your heart began to fail you physically and caused your body to deteriorate. Your pain probably started before I was born, because your journey was hard for as long as I can remember...

Ur life sure ain't been no crystal stair... pain and addiction left destruction on your journey. Yet for all the things "wrong" on your journey... you showed me some things that have helped to make me a better woman and mother. Your pain and despair created an awareness for me that deterred me from the path of addiction. I saw first hand that you loved your children and family, yet addiction could be stronger than your love at times. In spite of the stronghold of your addiction you, the love you shared with George was so deep, and that lives in my heart and faith in love. Beyond the surface and chaos you shared that rare true love... Thru thick and thin yall never walked away from each other. When everyone was telling George to let you go, he stayed and was the best father and husband he could be thru it all.

Loosing George Thanksgiving 2007 broke your already weak heart. I look at pictures of the two of you at family reunions... yall were the life of the party. Today, I know your pain is gone and your spirit is free to meet your true love again. Tell George I said "wassup". Tell Granddaddy, I am sleeping in his t-shirt tonight because whenever its time to go to Alabama is bittersweet because "the house" just ain't the same without him.

You know our family, so the planning for your homegoing will probably have some drama flavor added to the mix. I am trying to coordinate the travel plans for folks up here. I wonder who will sing your song... smile. I will hold YourBabyBoy when I see him, and pray he gets passed his anger and have love around him to support him when the grief gets real hard.

Though we haven't been as close over the years. Please know it is not because I didn't love you. Between the miles, and some of the drama of your circumstance... in my adult years our relationship was distant. You were a part of my foundation, and I thank you for your spirit. We had some fun times when I was growing up and during family reunions... dancing, talking, and your spunk was contagious.

I am blessed that I was able to see you in February. It was hard for me to see my spunky Auntie debilitated... so I hope you can forgive my quietness. Once, I got passed my sadness, and we started reminiscing in the living room about your life and the different family moments... I was able to see past your condition and remember how much fun I had with you.

Your a legend... fun, spunky, take no mess, love filled woman. I have stories of my Auntie letting folks know... she ain't the one to tested ;-)

Your addiction masked your true love filled spirit at times, and my cousins and our family have suffered because of the ugliness of addiction. I know you loved them and us... I never doubted that. When I would be in Alabama you always welcomed my children and I into your home and offered us whatever you had. I love you for that.

All of the women in my life helped to shape me... your thumbprint in my life is:
-You reminded me to enjoy moments because those memories get you thru hard times. Because of our memories I always knew you were more than the mask of your addiction. Like my father, you helped make my heart big and deep because I am able to still love you even when I didn't always like and respect some things that you did.
-You reminded me to seek enlightenment and love instead of dangerous escapes to deal when the pain of my own journey has been so unbearable at time. You reminded me of this thru your experiences. I wish you and my cousins didn't have to be that example, because at your core you were a loving mother. I pray for their healing... God continue to carry them and be the light they need.
-The love you shared with George reminded me of my favorite love story... "There Eyes Were Watching God".
-You sparked my love of ice cream, when you use to take us to the Ice Cream Hut when you lived on Alaska St. Our late night ice cream dining... I still do that til this day.
-Dancing is always a freeing experience for me and you were one of my first dance teachers.


In honor of my Auntie... Someone singing one of her favorite gospel songs... I won't complain


I love you Auntie...

-WonderWoman

Closure

Closure is a challenge for me in some aspects of my life, and sometimes I know its for self serving reasons. A truth I am realizing... when I don't close the door completely, then I still have the option of reverse. I know how to close doors, I've done it when I was ready to do it. Am I just not ready, or is it fear??

Hmmmm....