Life is the dancer, and you are the dance.

This morning on the radio were we talking about relationships, during our Book Club segment. We are reading The Audacity of Hope, By Barack Obama. We have been discussing the last chapter, Family, and this is my favorite part of the book. Everyone should add this book to their book collection.

The conversation moved into discussing the disproportionate ratio of marriageable women to men. One of the co-host... the only male involved in this part of the discussion said, "Women need to step their game up..." as it relates to the reality of the disproportion. He said that men are being more strategic as they find a partner. Of course his statement in the studio with three women... got intense. My reply was and is... WE BOTH NEED TO STEP OUR GAME UP! Men need to stop taking advantage of the fact that a "good" man is in high demand. And women need to stop operating from a deficit mindframe. Women, as we age, we are facing the "statistics" and starting to wonder if we will crap out in this game of finding the "right" life partner. We have to stop accepting less than what we deserve all in the attempt to not be alone. We also need to have the audacity to hope that with an open heart and by decluttering our lives of relationships that are not "right" in our lives that we will be the love we seek and have the love we deserve.

The last few months, I have been at a place where I realize that I am tired of the "for right now" relationships (incl. friends, family, and others), and I need to really open my heart and realign my energy so that I can connect with Mr. Wonderful Brotha for WonderWoman. As I stated in prior posts, I am detoxing my life these days, and staying hopeful. I have ended some relationships and redefined others, as I make room for peace and more love. I am blessed beyond words to have so many loving people in my life... I am realizing I need to get out of my own way and I need to be the love that I seek.

As I declutter and make room in my life for new possibilities in my life, I have been reconnecting and meeting some intriguing people. I am at a good place in my life, and though some days don't feel good... I know I am moving forward in the right direction. I just have to get out there:

• I have committed to go to more social events with my broader network of friends. I love facebook, because I have been able to reconnect with so many people from my past and I have started actually catching up with some folks beyond writing on their wall that we need to catch up. Each time I go out I realize how disconnected I have been, and I meet new people everytime. I have been kinda been just staying in my comfort circle and its time that I expand my circle.
• I also have been actually telling people I know that I am open to being introduced to friends, friends of friends, etc. if they know of someone that might be a good possibility. I can get thru a cup of coffee with just about anyone, and if nothing else it will give me more variety for my blogs (smile). I have been thinking about the online dating thang, but I just don't know about that...
• I am spending more time with my family (biological and soulconnected). This holiday season I am looking forward to spending time with my Daddy. I haven't seen or spoken to him as often as I think about him... and I just miss him. I am redifining my relationship with other family members so that I can appreciate our love for each other without excluding them from my day to day life (just talk to them and see them in dosages that make sense for me... smile).
• I am adjusting to being a mom of 16 and 12 year old boys. We are finding ways to spend time together that honors their stages in growing up. I am letting go more, and figuring out my coaching role for each of them.

I know I am moving in the right direction... I just have to let go of what was or "shoulda been", accept what is, and ask the Universe to guide toward what will be...

pg. 115 of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle
"How to be at peace now? By making peace with the present moment. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. It cannot happen anywhere else. Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do or choose to do, or rather what life does through you. There are three words that convey the secret art of living, the secret of all success and happiness: One With Life. Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

-WonderWoman

Tis the Season...

This week is the beginning of the Holiday season, and for the last few years this has been a humdrum time of the year for me also. I love my family and friends, more than I could ever put into words, and I love spending time with them. The holidays tend to highlight my many mixed feelings...

happiness
gratitude
fullness (literally and spiritually)
sadness
loneliness
frustration
hopeful
blessed
contemplative
and the list could go on.

Today, I spent time with a woman who is in a state of contemplation, regret, and doubt. She sought me out today, because she and I stopped really talking a couple of years ago. I was hesitant at first to spend time with her today, but my spirit whispered to me and reminded me I released my anger with her and she seemed like she needed something that was bigger than our human experiences together. She needed someone to talk to, and as God's love representative I am reminded that listening doesn't have to cost me anything. After spending time with her today, I came home and decided that I would start this Holiday season differently from years past.

I acknowledge that the season puts the spotlight on some things in my life that I am not satisfied with, but I will rejoice and enjoy time with my family... because last year taught me so much about me about preciousness of time with family. I am not fully ready to manage the 20 questions of when I will find "that special someone" at family gathers... ughhhh but this year I won't boycott Holiday dinners :-) I think I will prepare my own 20 questions, like... if you are so concerned about me being single, why haven't you introduced me to some potential partners?

This week of thanksgiving... I am rejoicing and grateful for the blessings in my life (even those circumstances or situations that have been painful or are painful right now).

I am grateful for...

• My first heartbreak and heartache, because the recovery of that time taught me the most valuable lesson... this too shall pass, I will be just fine, and I came out on the other side wiser and stronger. Each time after that, I still went thru the process... but I always knew that in time I would be just fine.
  
• My days of real poverty as a young mother, because I got on my feet and even in these financially trying times I am facing these days... I know I will recover and things will get better it will just take discipline, time, faith, and hope.
• The haters and doubters, because I learned to not defined myself by what others thought of me. That was a hard lesson because as a teenage mother everyone had so many negative thoughts about me, my future and the future of my family. Those times planted the seeds of some negative self talk that I still have to silence with the truth to this day. As my sons grow up and make their own mistakes, in the still of the night I still hear those voices of not being (fill in the blank) "enough" and I push thru the anxiety of not doing this or that "right". Today I am defined by my purpose, my growth, my strength, and my courage to keep striving to be better and better... that is what defines WonderWoman.
  
• The relationships that didn't work out, because each time I learn more about myself and what I need and desire in my perfect partner. Today, I am hopeful that as I continue to get ready for my life partner... he is somewhere preparing himself for me also. I am encouraged to keep my eyes and heart open for my "Barack" to complement my inner "Michelle" ;-). Thank you Daddy for always being able to make me feel better, just with your hug and edification. I am so loved, and knowing that gets me thru!

I will get thru the Holiday season... hopeful for what the future will bring into my life, and enjoying the present.

So Blessed and Encouraged,
WonderWoman

I'm a work in progress...

The space I am in the last week or so is not really even about someone else, as much as it is about me... and the fact that I am a work in progress. I have lost myself to an extent along the way these past few years. I am so much more than the roles I have in my life, and the more my roles stop reflecting what I desire in my life the more I have to face that truth. When things are not going as I would hope within my roles, the negative self talk begins to dominate that is a set up for self-destruction. Avoidance is the coping strategy that I turn to first, and it serves me for a moment... but it always leads to chaos eventually.

In my About Me section I say, " I am enjoying my life and the many roles I have in this journey. My most amazing accomplishment at this point in my life, has been the blessing of motherhood, because it has shaped fabulous ME." Well, I am truly grateful for my life and all that comes with it, and lately I have been struggling to deal with my dissatisfaction with things in my life. I really try hard to not be ungrateful, so sometimes I deny my dissatisfaction. I want more from my life and my relationships with my family, with my friends, and yearn to have a loving relationship a life partner. Relationships strengthen me in so many ways, and they also drain me at times. As a woman I have been doubting myself and some of the whys and whynots:

• of love- just tired and disappointed....
• of motherhood- I feel like my logic model for raising my children is not working... my inputs are not producing the outcomes for my 16 year old as I had hoped.
• of daughterhood- I thought I would be doing better then I am right now, and I feel like I am not being the best daughter I can be these days.
• of familyhood- I struggle with the balance between boundaries and just not being a "good" family member.
• of friendhood- I have been so blah lately... I fear I am not being a "good" friend either...

My most recent Revelation...
It's amazing how looking at my struggles with my 16 year old son has brought to the surface some deeper issues with how I relate to men in my life. My biggest frustration with my son is that he is not living up to his potential, and his self centered ways have been very self destructive for him. As his mother I really struggle with the "I-am-not-a-good-enough-mother-syndrome" that most women face as mothers, and feeling like its my fault when he fails. I know failure brings lessons, but its hard for me to separate what are my son's burdens to bare and what are mines as our relationship changes. I know I have to keep teaching and coaching even when I think he "should" know this by now... but it's getting harder to do that and not begin to be resentful. He is becoming a young man, and I know I have to give him the space to be his own person and I know I will probably not agree with some of his choices. He continues to start off strong yet finish poorly, and resists my support and guidance all along the way. I was so angry with him recently and more importantly hurt, because I believe in his potential so much that it just breaks my heart when he falls short of his best. I recently had a revelation that the hurt I feel comes from a deeper place. I have been here before... believe in a male and hoping they would be more than what they showed themselves to be... my father, my brother, my sons' father, and my last few Ex-boyfriends. I pay into the love bank and just don't get the return I sometimes hope for...

In my last post, I guess you could tell... my heart hurts and I feel sad these days. But it is so much bigger than YOU or my son... it is really my frustration with myself. I am frustrated with myself for putting so much of ME into relationships... to the point where I begin to loose myself. And I also am realizing that I need to check myself... when I invest myself into a relationship, what is the return that I am hoping for... because I am not always honest with myself about what I hope for or need as a return on my investment.

Forgiveness is the gift I am working on for myself. Forgiveness of myself most of all. Some relationships in my life have to change, and that's not a bad thing... it just is what it is. I need to put me first and remind myself of my priorities:

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

I have to remember that as I work on becoming a better WonderWoman... I will have to recognize the valleys, learn the lesson, and come up out... wiser and better!

-WonderWoman

Troubles by Alicia Keys

My Soul Cries...

The high of seeing unimaginable possibilities come true with the election of President Elect Barack Obama also made me really take a look at where I am and reminded me of what I seek in my life going forward. I admire Barack and Michelle's genuine love for each other, and seeing that reminds me of how much I want that in my life. I am single, and I want my "Barack", someone that I can believe in and together we are better than we are as individuals.

The Sunday before the election, I realized that I could no longer deny how I was feeling about YOU... and we are not just friends in my heart, so I have to let YOU go. I don't want to hate on YOUR happiness and I want to free my heart so I can find my happiness. I am blessed in so many ways, and our friendship has truly been one of those blessings. I have compartmentalized my feelings for YOU for too long, and that has to stop because its not authentic. After seeing the unimaginable happen on November 4th, I have to let the hope I had for the change in our country be the same hope that I have for healing my heart and finding the love I desire and deserve. My Daddy said only a fool would not choose me, as only my Daddy would say. Thinking of YOU as a fool, makes me feel better for a moment... but I really have to get past feeling like I am the fool.

I have passed the denial stage (finally), and taking on the the angry/sad and "what I can learn about myself to make me better" stages at the same time. I had to make a new Itunes Playlist... IWillGetThruThis. Two songs that really speak to how I feel right now: Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys and This too Shall Pass by India Arie...

Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys




The lyrics that sum up how I am feeling right now:
Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be


This too Shall Pass by India Arie



The lyrics from this song that really speaks to my heart:
My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized
that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

-WonderWoman

It's a New Day!!!

I am loving this song!!!

Will.I.Am - New Music - More Music Videos

It's a NEW DAY!!!

HOPE and JOY!!!

This is a IM chat I just had with a friend of mines who just a few days ago shared with me that he was so disgusted with the last election that he was not HOPEFUL with the 2008 election. I am sharing this chat, because it really captures not only my thoughts about this historic victory and movement, but also captures the paradigm shift that is possible and needed in order for us the "be the change... we want to see"...

November 5, 2008 around 11am
me: whoooo hooooooo

President-elect Barack Obama!!!!

DJ: You are drunk.

me: drunk off of HOPE and JOY!!!

and i am going off of about 3 hours sleep... and was at the radio station at 5:45am

DJ: I thought it was E and J not H and J.

me: lol

DJ: You taking a nap or are you up for the day?

me: i am taking a nap in a few

i haven't really been able to sleep since sunday night

so i am running on fumes and naps for the last few days

DJ: Damn playa. Since Sunday?

me: just restless i have been anxious for the last few days about what is coming next for me in my life, and the results of last night

DJ: Really? Why so?

me: i have done voter education work for years off and on and the apathy in our community justifiable to a point was disheartening to me. I have been inspired these last few months, as millions of people registered to vote for the first time or committed to voting again after not voting for years. Some of these citizens said they would give voting another chance w/ this election because they wanted to believe that we have to do better than we have been doing for the last 8 years. I know this experience at this time has helped to turn the tides for a better tomorrow. Individuals can feel the power of not only their vote but their power to hold policy makers accountable for what is just and fair in our nation.

i dont think one man or the government alone is going to save us from our woes, i am not naive enough to think that.

but i do believe in the power of grassroots movements and this is the beginning of a new time for our generation to lead.

damn i think that is going to be my blog for today...

DJ: Oh snaps. [as I said in the intro of this blog... DJ was not feeling HOPEFUL a few days ago.]

I agree. Obama has the potential to inspire an entire generation of black leaders to actually LEAD.

me: yes and not be self-proclaimed leaders but actual shepherds of change and justice

DJ: Exactly.

And it's about time too.

me: i am tired of so many "experts" and "leaders" who don't do sh**

"leaders" who only protect their personal interests...

DJ: No one has been doing sh** since are leaders started getting assassinated.

me: i truly believe you have to willing to sacrifice for freedom and justice... and some have died for it. if you can't push past the fear than you can't stand for too long before you run and hide... behind titles and BS

DJ: Well "they" gave us a few crumbs off the table.

To shut us up and that's exactly what we did.

me: yup for almost 3 decades!

DJ: Now we see we don't need their crumbs. We can have a seat at the table.

me: this election was a slam dunk

and that is huge, no doubt or question

not a "well he just barely did it"... WE DID IT!!!

DJ: Yeah I can't wait to hear lil black kids start saying they want to be president.

Not they want to be a basketball player or rapper lol.

me: i just hope that the millions of new voters don't think their job is done

the work just begins after elections are over

DJ: Yep.

Well let me get some work done.

me: lol

yeah i am going to take a nap

holla at u lata

DJ: aight. peace.

Well I am going to really go and try to get some rest...
-WonderWoman

Indescribable...

On this AWESOME historic day, November 4, 2008 I started my day at 5am. Well actually earlier than that because I could not sleep. I recently joined a morning radio show and close to the end of the week as we would announce "how many days until election day", I was getting tired of waiting. I was just ready for this day to hurry up and get here. Well it is here and I woke up several times before I got out of bed at 5am to get ready to go to the radio station. The show starts and 6am... I still can't believe I am doing this. I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!! But I have been having a great time on the show.

Well this morning felt different. As I got dressed and heading to the station I felt this knot in my stomach... my anxious belly began early this morning. Then when the show started at 6am and the callers started calling in to report their invigorating experiences at the polls as they waited in line to cast their vote... I connected with others that had the same anxious indescribable feeling in thier belly. This is an AWESOME time for the United States, and we are going to do it... I can just feel it in my belly.

I was saying to one of the co-host on the radio show, that I truly can't imagine Barack Obama not being elected as the next President of the United States. I have never gone into something with such optimism and not at least explored the possibility of the "what if" it doesn't happen. I usually at least think about the "what if" scenario, at least once... as a way to prepare myself for disappointment. This experience has changed me at a deeper place, beyond the election and the roles of policy makers, policy enforcers, and policy interpretors ... this is one of the few times in my life that I have experienced the truth of what HOPE is.
Webster's definition of HOPE:
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence

I expect with confidence that Senator Barack Obama will be elect the next President of the United States. I don't predict it... I expect it. Because WE have united for change, and it is that Unity that give me HOPE.

I can't wait for the announcement....