My Soul Cries...

The high of seeing unimaginable possibilities come true with the election of President Elect Barack Obama also made me really take a look at where I am and reminded me of what I seek in my life going forward. I admire Barack and Michelle's genuine love for each other, and seeing that reminds me of how much I want that in my life. I am single, and I want my "Barack", someone that I can believe in and together we are better than we are as individuals.

The Sunday before the election, I realized that I could no longer deny how I was feeling about YOU... and we are not just friends in my heart, so I have to let YOU go. I don't want to hate on YOUR happiness and I want to free my heart so I can find my happiness. I am blessed in so many ways, and our friendship has truly been one of those blessings. I have compartmentalized my feelings for YOU for too long, and that has to stop because its not authentic. After seeing the unimaginable happen on November 4th, I have to let the hope I had for the change in our country be the same hope that I have for healing my heart and finding the love I desire and deserve. My Daddy said only a fool would not choose me, as only my Daddy would say. Thinking of YOU as a fool, makes me feel better for a moment... but I really have to get past feeling like I am the fool.

I have passed the denial stage (finally), and taking on the the angry/sad and "what I can learn about myself to make me better" stages at the same time. I had to make a new Itunes Playlist... IWillGetThruThis. Two songs that really speak to how I feel right now: Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys and This too Shall Pass by India Arie...

Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys




The lyrics that sum up how I am feeling right now:
Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be


This too Shall Pass by India Arie



The lyrics from this song that really speaks to my heart:
My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized
that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

-WonderWoman