"Today, I Choose..."

My DNA is legendary...

2011-06-23T09:16:00.000-04:00

The last few months, my strength and courage has been tested and on most days exceeds expectation. My wisdom comes from not only my journey, but the journey of all the women and men that guide me and have met me along the way. Seeing my Grandma T last week renewed me!

Thank you to the women in my life who mother me, mentor me, push me, and hold me. Thank you Grandma T for always praying for me and sharing your pearls with me. I stand in the strength of legends and for that I am forever grateful. Sometimes moments and circumstance happen to remind me to stay true to who I AM!

I woke up thinking about one of my favorite speeches, "Ain't I a Woman" by Sojourner Truth and one of my favorite poems, "Mother to Son" by Langston Hughes.

Still Standing,

Wonder Woman

AIN'T I A WOMAN?

by Sojourner Truth

Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.

Mother to Son

BY LANGSTON HUGHES

Well, son, I’ll tell you:

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It’s had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor—

Bare.

But all the time

I’se been a-climbin’ on,

And reachin’ landin’s,

And turnin’ corners,

And sometimes goin’ in the dark

Where there ain’t been no light.

So boy, don’t you turn back.

Don’t you set down on the steps

’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now—

For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,

And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

One of those days...

2011-05-16T22:52:00.001-04:00

(Wrote this post March 17, 2011)

I guess when you can experience good and bad moments in the same 24 hour time period... one has to decide to chose the half full or half empty perspective.

I have spent the last three days facilitating focus groups with teens and young adults and hearing their perspective on the issue of teen pregnancy. The last group was with a group of teen moms, and that discussion left me in a state of reflection. Spending time with this group of moms brought me back to my early days of parenting... and all the doubts, fears and shame I carried around with me during that time period. I actually carried the baggage of shame around well into my 20s. I have lighten the load of bags, but I still feel the weight of hoping my sons "turn out" better than the statistics that have been placed on them because I starting parenting young. Hell, some days I wonder... especially when they are stumbling and falling through adolescents. Do you ever completely go of the bags? I don't know, but mines definitely have gotten lighter.

Now years later, as my friends start to become mothers and I hear them talking about their doubt and fears... I finally can release some of the shame I felt then. Hell my friends are in their 30s and so much of my doubts and fears I thought were unique to me because I "messed up" and got pregnant "too young". I know that I did the best I could with what I knew and I continue to parent from that place... I feel relieved in many ways to see that my 30 something year old new mom friends are doing the same... the best they can with what they know. Parenting in your 30s after living your life and becoming emotionally and financially ready to start a family, definitely is the recommendation... and I can make peace with how my family started. Was it "ideal" and would I recommend it for someone else? Ummmmm no, but it is my journey and what a ride it has been... I have learned a lot about life, myself, and sanity.

The lens through which I see the world and my role as a mom has changed over time... in fact have gotten less blurry. I hope that as young parents navigate the journey they remember that they are growing and learning too... and cut themselves some slack. No one is perfect, super woman is not real, and lead with love and establish a healthy support network. Our children get older, and so do we ;-)

2011 is HERE!

2011-01-04T09:58:00.001-05:00

I have been away for way too long! So much has changed, and some things remain the same from the last time I blogged regularly. I won't make any over the top commitments to blogging everyday... blah blah blah. I have been writing for myself to get thru 2010, but have not felt like sharing in public. Blogging has become so widespread and mainstream I was ambivalent about whether to keep blogging or not. This morning I received a comment on an old post and I had been thinking about coming back to the blogosphere for a few weeks now... so the comment was my motivation to get back out here. I might even go more public with my writing this year... we will see. I have some ventures in the works and the journey to launch will be edutainment, and so much more... so it might be worth sharing! We'll see...

Well do I recap or just move forward?? Well I am not great at recapping the past in writing because when the moment passes... I lose the words. What I can say is 2010 was a year in which major elements of my life were tossed in the air and for months I didn't know for sure how it would work out...but I had faith that it would. Today I can see that 2010 was a very spiritual year... that's the best way to describe it

The ebbs and flow of life are sometimes consistent, but often not as predictable as one would hope. My faith and trust in God was renewed in 2010 at a real deep spiritual level. I found a part of myself that had been dormant for a while... my tenacity and resiliency is stronger and more mature. I got thru the first 10 years of my parenting on a hope, a prayer, God's grace, tenacity, resiliency and love. Many of the emotions and fears of becoming a mom at 15 reappeared this year... do I have what it takes to succeed? can I do this? This/it encompasses many aspects of my life... a mother of two teen boys, a single woman dating or whatever I am doing these days, a professional, a daughter, a friend, a family member, a student, a person in debt, an entrepreneur, and the list goes on...

I pushed thru and at moments I was carried thru the emotions and fears of life in 2010. At 33/34 I was wiser, more mature, and knew what I wasn't sure of at 15... I will be okay, it will be okay, and... a hope, a prayer, God's grace, tenacity, resiliency and love will get me thru this too! And it did and continues to get me thru...

2011 is HERE! I am open and ready... everyday is filled with new possibilities and I have an abundant love-filled life!

So blessed,
Wonder Woman

It's Spring...

2009-05-12T17:28:00.003-04:00

The lilac tree is blooming outside my house... I love this time of year. The fragrance meets me at the door and it brightens my mood day or night. The tree only blooms for a couple of weeks and then the purple is gone... the fragrance is gone. What is left is the green leaves and branches. For a few years I didn't even know it was a lilac tree and would miss the blooming seasons because I was not paying attention to a treasure right in front of my face for weeks. In fact I didn't even realize it was a lilac tree until a few years ago when I was in the Arboretum and noticed the lilac trees looked like the "ugly tree in front of my house". A week after I realized the similarity, the tree bloomed and then I went back to the Arboretum and was amazed how much I didn't pay attention to what was right in front of me for years. That season I realized that I love Lilacs and now every year I get excited waiting for the bloom!

Happy Spring!

-WonderWoman

It's been a while...

2009-04-13T17:05:00.004-04:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. I have been writing more and working on some things. I just wasn't in a space to blog and share, but today I wanted to share something that I have been reminded of lately over the past few months.

Time has a way of changing things. I continue to be affirmed with the belief that every day is filled with new possibilities... and these days I am liking the possibilities before me. The emotional heart is an amazing thing... each experience changes it but it is truly a muscle and with appropriate emotional excercise the change can be that the heart gets stronger. My heart is stronger these days...
People have to go thru what they have to go thru. Being there for someone doesn't equal taking on their experience as your own. That goes for family and friends. This is one lesson that I struggle with over and over again.
When one door closes... look around sometimes its more clearly another door opening, but sometimes you have to look for the cracked window and lift it up so you can move to the next space.
Spending time with family can be rejuvenating and affirming... especially when its because you choose to and not because their is some family event or tragedy.
Hanging out with young people helps to ground you in so many ways. My house has become my youth development laboratory in some ways... journey from boys to men!
"Shoulda", "Coulda", "Woulda" are such judgment words. Being present is so important and the real statement is "I am"!
Kindness and thoughfulness turns my frowns upside down... oh I am liking the possibilities.

Peace and Blessing,

WonderWoman

25 Things about ME!

2009-02-12T17:18:00.003-05:00

25 Things about ME!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. My favorite color is Purple- Purple is royalty. A mysterious color, purple is associated with both nobility and spirituality. Purple has a special, almost sacred place in nature: lavender, orchid, lilac, and violet flowers are often delicate and considered precious.
2. I am a writer! I recently reclaimed this truth. I find my authenticity thru my writing, and I also use the process to get unstuck. God's whisper comes to me thru writing. Writing is so powerful!
3. My playlists in Itunes are the soudtracks of moments in my life. Music moves me and sometimes gives me direction.
4. I have two amazing gifts from God… my two sons! God also keeps me from catching a case some days (smile). Listen my best advice to parents: enjoy each stage of parenting, it changes and goes by so fast… adolescents truly is the second toddler stage… and our children are not an extension of us, they have their own journey to travel we are their guide and coach them on their journey.
5. The last 10 months or so... have been CHALLENGING to say the least. There have been so many transitions going on at the same time in my life that it has been overwhelming at times... but I am coming out on the other side- wiser, stronger, loved, more loving, more on purpose, and awakened to the importance of peace and happiness in the moment (the future and the past aren’t now… I have to be present NOW).
6. I am a “glass is half full” kinda gurl, and I also know when my “glass is empty” and need to be replenished. Optimism is what gets me up and out of bed when my circumstances disappoint me!
7. Mary J Blige… damn I love her, because so many of her CDs have been soundtracks to moments for me. My Life got me thru, and No More Drama was the kick off to a great year in my 20s.
8. Michael Jackson… Thriller Album brings back so many happy memories. I was at the store the first day that 25th Anniversary Thriller CD came out.
9. Smiling and saying hello to others make my day better. Its my simple gift to the world.
10. Laughing is a gift to my soul. I laugh easily and often. I don’t like being around people that take themselves too seriously… one of my favorite quotes, “Why so serious?” –The Joker
11. I LOVE ice cream! I have found a healthier choice for my regular ice cream needs- Hagan Daaz Mango Sorbet. And for those difficult days, special treats, or well just when I convince myself I deserve it… Breyer’s Oreo Cookie, or Ben N Jerry’s Mint Cookies N Cream is soooo yummy to my tummy. Also I love a sundae with caramel and strawberries… YES YOU CAN mix the two (Reason… don’t judge me LOL)
12. I love fleece socks! I obsessively buy them at Job Lot. To justify my obsession I give them to others as gifts… sharing is caring (smile).
13. I got my license and my first car (my plum Mazda 626) when I was 21 years old.
14. One of the best ways to get out of my head, and remember that child in me… is to get a game going with a group of kids. My favorite is kickball (I can be competive) so yes I will even knock over a kindergartener in order to make it to my base LOL. The best training I ever went to was Project Joy… I love being a Playmaker!
15. I have loved and lost at least 3 times… and that has prepared me to love again. I am “single and ready to mingle”, my OtherMotha’s favorite phrase.
16. Spirituality is a journey from my perspective. I know there is more to life than what I can see. I am so happy that God love’s me in spite of myself! Hope, Faith, and Love are God’s gifts to me and I am sooooo grateful! I believe we are representatives of God’s love thru us to others. I try to remember that most when I am hurt and angry with someone…
17. My Grandma T is my SHERO! She is one of God’s best love representatives. How she lives teaches me more than what she says.
18. My Daddy is my HERO! He taught me that change is possible and that forgiveness is the best gift I can give to myself. He is one of my best friends. When I need a retreat and a hug… to Daddy’s house I go. I will always be Daddy’s Little Girl and I love him more than I can put into words.
19. I have one sibling… my big little brother. He is one of the most loving people I know. Brotha, can I borrow $5 LOL
20. I love breakfast food! I can eat breakfast anytime of day.
21. Gratitude is the door to blessings! I have learned to remember to be grateful for the big and small things in my life.
22. I have amazing friends! You inspire me, motivate me, cry with me, laugh with me, and most of love and push me to be my best ME! I am so thankful!
23. My mother is my ROCK! I am able to be who I am because of her support, and her love. We definitely don’t always agree or see things the same way… but I have grown to appreciate and respect her because I understand her more as I grow.
24. I know a little about a lot of stuff. If I don’t know it I will most definitely google it. Some of my friends will call me for the strangest things… I was their GPS before you could get one for $200. I should have been charging for my services.
25. Super heroes intrigue me. I most relate to Wonder Woman, particularly as she struggles to understand why she is called to be who she is?

Well I am going to follow the rules and end at 25 things about ME. I am learning to follow the rules… sometimes (smile)

-WonderWoman

What a Week... What A Time!!!

2009-01-23T13:56:00.005-05:00

I have struggled to find words over the last few weeks. My new year started off with a graceful reminder... PAIN AND CHALLENGE is PREPARATION FOR BLESSINGS!!!

In this time of my life some situations and experiences are disappointing (to say the least) and others are overwhelming gifts of God's love and grace in my life. These situations and experiences co-exist in my reality, and I sometimes struggle to understand why, and other times am able to remind myself... "it is what it is" and "be blessed, right now". I am moving thru a valley of a personal spiritual transformation... I know it sounds very Oprah/New Age-y, but it is truth! In this space, I struggle to find the words and I realized that I can celebrate the silence also. God is truly preparing me for GREATNESS and with his grace and mercy.... I am becoming more enlightened to my purpose and the gifts I bring to this moment to share with the world.

The Day WE made History!!!
On Tuesday, January 20, 2009 President Barack Hussien Obama was sworn in as the first African American President of the United States of America. I watched history being made with my Mother, My BabyBoy, My OthaMotha, and so many other elders of my community at My Mom's Church. When we first arrived, the planners of this event asked me to say a few words about what this moment mean to me as a kick off to the viewing. I was the first guest to speak, and when I looked out and say my son watching me, and my mother smiling proudly, I took the microphone and spoke from my spirit.

I shared how glad I was to share this moment with my Mother, My Son, and My Other Mother. I had been torn about going to DC or staying home, and at that moment I was so glad I decided to stay home. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else but there. I also shared about how I use to ponder historic moments in our past (The Middle Passage, Hundreds of Years of Enslavement, The Civil War, Post-Emancipation, Jim Crow Days, Civil Rights Movement, Black Power Movement....). As I learned about these times in history I often wondered who I would have been in that movement at that moment... what would I have done, where would I have been, how would I have participated in that moment in history. I said that this moment on this day, my curiosity about the past has settled ... because I was born to be in this moment, in this movement, at this time... this is my purpose and I am so thankful to do my part. As I said that silence came over me. That is truly what this moment means to me... IT IS MY WAKE UP CALL TO MY PURPOSE!! I am inspired by President Barack Obama's audacity to believe that this was the time and the right moment for him to run for Presidency... and I am most inspired by my fellow Americans that we had the AUDACITY to join this movement of our lifetime!

After other speakers finished... we settled down to watch history. I was listening somewhat, but the moment was so spirit-filling that I had to just feel it (Later, I had to go back and watch President Obama's speech so I could really listen to it). After the Inauguration, we shared lunch with everyone. There was a woman whose Birthday was celebrated during this luncheon and she turned 88 year old woman. I sat with an elder from Alabama and I could feel her spirit as we watched the Inauguration, and during the lunch as she would touch my hand and rub my shoulder she said, This is a Blessing", and I never thought I would see this". I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AT THIS TIME IN THIS MOMENT!!

My wake up call has opened up my heart, mind, and spirit...

This week a dream I have had for many years was re-energized after a great conversation with a sista I met. I am writing again!!!
I am more Swaggerful today than I was yesterday!
I am coming out of my funk, and overjoyed with the possibilities...
I am saying yes to the possibilities, and no to the fear that often holds me back

Somethings I understand about spirtuality and are eloquently said by others (this is from Oprah.com)...

Elizabeth says spirituality is ingrained in all of us. "There's this instinct inside of each and every one of us that there's more to life than meets the eye," she says. Elizabeth says spirituality is our intuition that there is something greater to life than the daily grind. "It's the fearlessness to ask the big questions," she says. "Who am I? What's my purpose? Life? Where do we go when we die? And how do we live a fully alive, meaningful, giving, generous life when we're here?"

Oprah's definition of spirituality revolves around the understanding that we are more than what we can physically see. "When you begin to realize that you are more than your body, that your purpose is greater than your profession or your career—that every life, because you were born you have a right to be here and there is a calling on your life—it means you live your life without fear and you know that no matter what happens, no matter what happens, you are going to be all right. You are going to be all right. That's what spirituality is for me."

Loved and Loving,

WonderWoman

Well... its almost over!

2008-12-29T23:21:00.004-05:00

My Sistafriends, My Family, My Friends...
We laugh together
We cry together, and
I can always count on you to have my back!
Thank you for your hugs, your honesty, and most of all your love! You push me when I need to be pushed, and you hold me up when I need it most, you encourage and support me to be GREAT!

I love yall!!!

This Holiday Season has been disappointing and interesting... those are the word that come to mind as I try to describe it. I am glad it is almost over, and I am looking forward to 2009... I am so done with 2008 and... some people, places and things also!!

Wishing everyone a Happy 2009!

-WonderWoman

Xmas has passed...

2008-12-26T00:09:00.004-05:00

I was re-reading my blogs from the last few holiday seasons... damn depressing, huh?
Well this season was similar in circumstances, and I planned to just wait it out until it passed.

Well I am almost thru the holiday season, and this year just like last I boycotted some events and dinners, but not as many... progress (smile).

One more holiday and then back to our regulary programmed lives...

-WonderWoman

Random humorous thoughts today...

2008-12-15T11:07:00.004-05:00

I had an eventful weekend with my son... what don't get you locked up can only increase your already twisted sense of humor and bring you to church for an extra dose of praise and worship as you let go and let God. This is one of those Mondays... when you wake up and say to yourself I trust that it will get better. Laughter is therapeutic, and thats why I hang out with so many humor specialists (some take their humor to the stage to share with the world as professinal comedians, while others share their humor with friends, family, and strangers that happen to cross their path). I started my morning off filled with funny thoughts. First it started on the radio show when we did the news report about the G.W. Bush shoe attack incident in Iraq over the weekend. Then as the day has progressed I had a new twist on a common phrase that I shared with a friend and figured I would share with you also. So that brings me to some of my comical thoughts so far today:

I think I have the next physical fitness phenomenon in the making... the next Taebo if you will imagine with me. G.W. Bush doesn't typically impress me, but his quick shoe dodging skills not only impressed me, but also inspired me. It inspired me to develop this fitness technique- G.W. Bush Shoe Dodging. The technique would include two people/sparing partners- one person would be the shoe thrower (simulate shoe throwing) and the other person would dodge and block. This could be done in repetition with some dynamic moves incorporated both for the thrower and the dodger... this could be another form of martial arts or even an Olympic sport... oh this could be huge! I betta copyright this TODAY!

Sweet Dreams... this is a phrase commonly said to someone one their way to get some ZZZZs. I have a new twist to it... I would prefer to have a savory dream instead of a sweet dream. This twist came to me when was I was on IM Chat. This was the exchange:

Friend: NAP TIME
me: savory dreams... cuz sweets can give u cavities... savory fills u up...lol

Well those are my humorous thoughts so far today!
-WonderWoman

Dreaming...

2008-12-10T20:37:00.003-05:00

Last night I had one of the most vivid dreams that I can remember. Most of the time I do not remember my dreams, or definitely not so vividly. This dream reminded of some valuable aspects of my Being:

I tend to gain energy from the energy and passion of others.
I am drawn to people who are aware of their passion and driven by it. My closest friends are passion and purpose driven people (even if they don't realize it sometimes), and they are definitely a part of my support team that keeps me motivated, inspired, and reassured.
I thrive in interdependent (not dependent) relationships that are establised because of mutual respect, appreciation and admiration for each other.
Writing is very cathartic for me, and creates a safe space for my authentic self. I am ME through my writing. In my dream my passion for writing brought my purpose to the light for me to understand and to guide me. It also deepened my connection with my life partner (that I am getting ready for... he ain't here yet but he's on the way... smile) and brought Tyler Perry and Oprah into my life.

This dream awakened me in a way that I really needed!

-WonderWoman

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance.

2008-11-26T11:59:00.005-05:00

This morning on the radio were we talking about relationships, during our Book Club segment. We are reading The Audacity of Hope, By Barack Obama. We have been discussing the last chapter, Family, and this is my favorite part of the book. Everyone should add this book to their book collection.

The conversation moved into discussing the disproportionate ratio of marriageable women to men. One of the co-host... the only male involved in this part of the discussion said, "Women need to step their game up..." as it relates to the reality of the disproportion. He said that men are being more strategic as they find a partner. Of course his statement in the studio with three women... got intense. My reply was and is... WE BOTH NEED TO STEP OUR GAME UP! Men need to stop taking advantage of the fact that a "good" man is in high demand. And women need to stop operating from a deficit mindframe. Women, as we age, we are facing the "statistics" and starting to wonder if we will crap out in this game of finding the "right" life partner. We have to stop accepting less than what we deserve all in the attempt to not be alone. We also need to have the audacity to hope that with an open heart and by decluttering our lives of relationships that are not "right" in our lives that we will be the love we seek and have the love we deserve.

The last few months, I have been at a place where I realize that I am tired of the "for right now" relationships (incl. friends, family, and others), and I need to really open my heart and realign my energy so that I can connect with Mr. Wonderful Brotha for WonderWoman. As I stated in prior posts, I am detoxing my life these days, and staying hopeful. I have ended some relationships and redefined others, as I make room for peace and more love. I am blessed beyond words to have so many loving people in my life... I am realizing I need to get out of my own way and I need to be the love that I seek.

As I declutter and make room in my life for new possibilities in my life, I have been reconnecting and meeting some intriguing people. I am at a good place in my life, and though some days don't feel good... I know I am moving forward in the right direction. I just have to get out there:

I have committed to go to more social events with my broader network of friends. I love facebook, because I have been able to reconnect with so many people from my past and I have started actually catching up with some folks beyond writing on their wall that we need to catch up. Each time I go out I realize how disconnected I have been, and I meet new people everytime. I have been kinda been just staying in my comfort circle and its time that I expand my circle.
I also have been actually telling people I know that I am open to being introduced to friends, friends of friends, etc. if they know of someone that might be a good possibility. I can get thru a cup of coffee with just about anyone, and if nothing else it will give me more variety for my blogs (smile). I have been thinking about the online dating thang, but I just don't know about that...
I am spending more time with my family (biological and soulconnected). This holiday season I am looking forward to spending time with my Daddy. I haven't seen or spoken to him as often as I think about him... and I just miss him. I am redifining my relationship with other family members so that I can appreciate our love for each other without excluding them from my day to day life (just talk to them and see them in dosages that make sense for me... smile).
I am adjusting to being a mom of 16 and 12 year old boys. We are finding ways to spend time together that honors their stages in growing up. I am letting go more, and figuring out my coaching role for each of them.

I know I am moving in the right direction... I just have to let go of what was or "shoulda been", accept what is, and ask the Universe to guide toward what will be...

pg. 115 of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle
"How to be at peace now? By making peace with the present moment. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. It cannot happen anywhere else. Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do or choose to do, or rather what life does through you. There are three words that convey the secret art of living, the secret of all success and happiness: One With Life. Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

-WonderWoman

Tis the Season...

2008-11-23T19:54:00.002-05:00

This week is the beginning of the Holiday season, and for the last few years this has been a humdrum time of the year for me also. I love my family and friends, more than I could ever put into words, and I love spending time with them. The holidays tend to highlight my many mixed feelings...

happiness
gratitude
fullness (literally and spiritually)
sadness
loneliness
frustration
hopeful
blessed
contemplative
and the list could go on.

Today, I spent time with a woman who is in a state of contemplation, regret, and doubt. She sought me out today, because she and I stopped really talking a couple of years ago. I was hesitant at first to spend time with her today, but my spirit whispered to me and reminded me I released my anger with her and she seemed like she needed something that was bigger than our human experiences together. She needed someone to talk to, and as God's love representative I am reminded that listening doesn't have to cost me anything. After spending time with her today, I came home and decided that I would start this Holiday season differently from years past.

I acknowledge that the season puts the spotlight on some things in my life that I am not satisfied with, but I will rejoice and enjoy time with my family... because last year taught me so much about me about preciousness of time with family. I am not fully ready to manage the 20 questions of when I will find "that special someone" at family gathers... ughhhh but this year I won't boycott Holiday dinners :-) I think I will prepare my own 20 questions, like... if you are so concerned about me being single, why haven't you introduced me to some potential partners?

This week of thanksgiving... I am rejoicing and grateful for the blessings in my life (even those circumstances or situations that have been painful or are painful right now).

I am grateful for...

My first heartbreak and heartache, because the recovery of that time taught me the most valuable lesson... this too shall pass, I will be just fine, and I came out on the other side wiser and stronger. Each time after that, I still went thru the process... but I always knew that in time I would be just fine.
My days of real poverty as a young mother, because I got on my feet and even in these financially trying times I am facing these days... I know I will recover and things will get better it will just take discipline, time, faith, and hope.
The haters and doubters, because I learned to not defined myself by what others thought of me. That was a hard lesson because as a teenage mother everyone had so many negative thoughts about me, my future and the future of my family. Those times planted the seeds of some negative self talk that I still have to silence with the truth to this day. As my sons grow up and make their own mistakes, in the still of the night I still hear those voices of not being (fill in the blank) "enough" and I push thru the anxiety of not doing this or that "right". Today I am defined by my purpose, my growth, my strength, and my courage to keep striving to be better and better... that is what defines WonderWoman.
The relationships that didn't work out, because each time I learn more about myself and what I need and desire in my perfect partner. Today, I am hopeful that as I continue to get ready for my life partner... he is somewhere preparing himself for me also. I am encouraged to keep my eyes and heart open for my "Barack" to complement my inner "Michelle" ;-). Thank you Daddy for always being able to make me feel better, just with your hug and edification. I am so loved, and knowing that gets me thru!

I will get thru the Holiday season... hopeful for what the future will bring into my life, and enjoying the present.

So Blessed and Encouraged,
WonderWoman

I'm a work in progress...

2008-11-17T12:19:00.006-05:00

The space I am in the last week or so is not really even about someone else, as much as it is about me... and the fact that I am a work in progress. I have lost myself to an extent along the way these past few years. I am so much more than the roles I have in my life, and the more my roles stop reflecting what I desire in my life the more I have to face that truth. When things are not going as I would hope within my roles, the negative self talk begins to dominate that is a set up for self-destruction. Avoidance is the coping strategy that I turn to first, and it serves me for a moment... but it always leads to chaos eventually.

In my About Me section I say, " I am enjoying my life and the many roles I have in this journey. My most amazing accomplishment at this point in my life, has been the blessing of motherhood, because it has shaped fabulous ME." Well, I am truly grateful for my life and all that comes with it, and lately I have been struggling to deal with my dissatisfaction with things in my life. I really try hard to not be ungrateful, so sometimes I deny my dissatisfaction. I want more from my life and my relationships with my family, with my friends, and yearn to have a loving relationship a life partner. Relationships strengthen me in so many ways, and they also drain me at times. As a woman I have been doubting myself and some of the whys and whynots:

of love- just tired and disappointed....
of motherhood- I feel like my logic model for raising my children is not working... my inputs are not producing the outcomes for my 16 year old as I had hoped.
of daughterhood- I thought I would be doing better then I am right now, and I feel like I am not being the best daughter I can be these days.
of familyhood- I struggle with the balance between boundaries and just not being a "good" family member.
of friendhood- I have been so blah lately... I fear I am not being a "good" friend either...

My most recent Revelation...
It's amazing how looking at my struggles with my 16 year old son has brought to the surface some deeper issues with how I relate to men in my life. My biggest frustration with my son is that he is not living up to his potential, and his self centered ways have been very self destructive for him. As his mother I really struggle with the "I-am-not-a-good-enough-mother-syndrome" that most women face as mothers, and feeling like its my fault when he fails. I know failure brings lessons, but its hard for me to separate what are my son's burdens to bare and what are mines as our relationship changes. I know I have to keep teaching and coaching even when I think he "should" know this by now... but it's getting harder to do that and not begin to be resentful. He is becoming a young man, and I know I have to give him the space to be his own person and I know I will probably not agree with some of his choices. He continues to start off strong yet finish poorly, and resists my support and guidance all along the way. I was so angry with him recently and more importantly hurt, because I believe in his potential so much that it just breaks my heart when he falls short of his best. I recently had a revelation that the hurt I feel comes from a deeper place. I have been here before... believe in a male and hoping they would be more than what they showed themselves to be... my father, my brother, my sons' father, and my last few Ex-boyfriends. I pay into the love bank and just don't get the return I sometimes hope for...

In my last post, I guess you could tell... my heart hurts and I feel sad these days. But it is so much bigger than YOU or my son... it is really my frustration with myself. I am frustrated with myself for putting so much of ME into relationships... to the point where I begin to loose myself. And I also am realizing that I need to check myself... when I invest myself into a relationship, what is the return that I am hoping for... because I am not always honest with myself about what I hope for or need as a return on my investment.

Forgiveness is the gift I am working on for myself. Forgiveness of myself most of all. Some relationships in my life have to change, and that's not a bad thing... it just is what it is. I need to put me first and remind myself of my priorities:

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

I have to remember that as I work on becoming a better WonderWoman... I will have to recognize the valleys, learn the lesson, and come up out... wiser and better!

-WonderWoman

2008-11-15T23:18:00.001-05:00

Troubles by Alicia Keys

My Soul Cries...

2008-11-15T21:10:00.005-05:00

The high of seeing unimaginable possibilities come true with the election of President Elect Barack Obama also made me really take a look at where I am and reminded me of what I seek in my life going forward. I admire Barack and Michelle's genuine love for each other, and seeing that reminds me of how much I want that in my life. I am single, and I want my "Barack", someone that I can believe in and together we are better than we are as individuals.

The Sunday before the election, I realized that I could no longer deny how I was feeling about YOU... and we are not just friends in my heart, so I have to let YOU go. I don't want to hate on YOUR happiness and I want to free my heart so I can find my happiness. I am blessed in so many ways, and our friendship has truly been one of those blessings. I have compartmentalized my feelings for YOU for too long, and that has to stop because its not authentic. After seeing the unimaginable happen on November 4th, I have to let the hope I had for the change in our country be the same hope that I have for healing my heart and finding the love I desire and deserve. My Daddy said only a fool would not choose me, as only my Daddy would say. Thinking of YOU as a fool, makes me feel better for a moment... but I really have to get past feeling like I am the fool.

I have passed the denial stage (finally), and taking on the the angry/sad and "what I can learn about myself to make me better" stages at the same time. I had to make a new Itunes Playlist... IWillGetThruThis. Two songs that really speak to how I feel right now: Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys and This too Shall Pass by India Arie...

Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys

The lyrics that sum up how I am feeling right now:
Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

This too Shall Pass by India Arie

The lyrics from this song that really speaks to my heart:
My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized
that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

-WonderWoman

It's a New Day!!!

2008-11-08T16:28:00.002-05:00

I am loving this song!!!

Will.I.Am - New Music - More Music Videos

It's a NEW DAY!!!

HOPE and JOY!!!

2008-11-05T11:39:00.003-05:00

This is a IM chat I just had with a friend of mines who just a few days ago shared with me that he was so disgusted with the last election that he was not HOPEFUL with the 2008 election. I am sharing this chat, because it really captures not only my thoughts about this historic victory and movement, but also captures the paradigm shift that is possible and needed in order for us the "be the change... we want to see"...

November 5, 2008 around 11am
me: whoooo hooooooo

President-elect Barack Obama!!!!

DJ: You are drunk.

me: drunk off of HOPE and JOY!!!

and i am going off of about 3 hours sleep... and was at the radio station at 5:45am

DJ: I thought it was E and J not H and J.

me: lol

DJ: You taking a nap or are you up for the day?

me: i am taking a nap in a few

i haven't really been able to sleep since sunday night

so i am running on fumes and naps for the last few days

DJ: Damn playa. Since Sunday?

me: just restless i have been anxious for the last few days about what is coming next for me in my life, and the results of last night

DJ: Really? Why so?

me: i have done voter education work for years off and on and the apathy in our community justifiable to a point was disheartening to me. I have been inspired these last few months, as millions of people registered to vote for the first time or committed to voting again after not voting for years. Some of these citizens said they would give voting another chance w/ this election because they wanted to believe that we have to do better than we have been doing for the last 8 years. I know this experience at this time has helped to turn the tides for a better tomorrow. Individuals can feel the power of not only their vote but their power to hold policy makers accountable for what is just and fair in our nation.

i dont think one man or the government alone is going to save us from our woes, i am not naive enough to think that.

but i do believe in the power of grassroots movements and this is the beginning of a new time for our generation to lead.

damn i think that is going to be my blog for today...

DJ: Oh snaps. [as I said in the intro of this blog... DJ was not feeling HOPEFUL a few days ago.]

I agree. Obama has the potential to inspire an entire generation of black leaders to actually LEAD.

me: yes and not be self-proclaimed leaders but actual shepherds of change and justice

DJ: Exactly.

And it's about time too.

me: i am tired of so many "experts" and "leaders" who don't do sh**

"leaders" who only protect their personal interests...

DJ: No one has been doing sh** since are leaders started getting assassinated.

me: i truly believe you have to willing to sacrifice for freedom and justice... and some have died for it. if you can't push past the fear than you can't stand for too long before you run and hide... behind titles and BS

DJ: Well "they" gave us a few crumbs off the table.

To shut us up and that's exactly what we did.

me: yup for almost 3 decades!

DJ: Now we see we don't need their crumbs. We can have a seat at the table.

me: this election was a slam dunk

and that is huge, no doubt or question

not a "well he just barely did it"... WE DID IT!!!

DJ: Yeah I can't wait to hear lil black kids start saying they want to be president.

Not they want to be a basketball player or rapper lol.

me: i just hope that the millions of new voters don't think their job is done

the work just begins after elections are over

DJ: Yep.

Well let me get some work done.

me: lol

yeah i am going to take a nap

holla at u lata

DJ: aight. peace.

Well I am going to really go and try to get some rest...
-WonderWoman

Indescribable...

2008-11-04T19:20:00.002-05:00

On this AWESOME historic day, November 4, 2008 I started my day at 5am. Well actually earlier than that because I could not sleep. I recently joined a morning radio show and close to the end of the week as we would announce "how many days until election day", I was getting tired of waiting. I was just ready for this day to hurry up and get here. Well it is here and I woke up several times before I got out of bed at 5am to get ready to go to the radio station. The show starts and 6am... I still can't believe I am doing this. I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!! But I have been having a great time on the show.

Well this morning felt different. As I got dressed and heading to the station I felt this knot in my stomach... my anxious belly began early this morning. Then when the show started at 6am and the callers started calling in to report their invigorating experiences at the polls as they waited in line to cast their vote... I connected with others that had the same anxious indescribable feeling in thier belly. This is an AWESOME time for the United States, and we are going to do it... I can just feel it in my belly.

I was saying to one of the co-host on the radio show, that I truly can't imagine Barack Obama not being elected as the next President of the United States. I have never gone into something with such optimism and not at least explored the possibility of the "what if" it doesn't happen. I usually at least think about the "what if" scenario, at least once... as a way to prepare myself for disappointment. This experience has changed me at a deeper place, beyond the election and the roles of policy makers, policy enforcers, and policy interpretors ... this is one of the few times in my life that I have experienced the truth of what HOPE is.
Webster's definition of HOPE:
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence

I expect with confidence that Senator Barack Obama will be elect the next President of the United States. I don't predict it... I expect it. Because WE have united for change, and it is that Unity that give me HOPE.

I can't wait for the announcement....

Dreams do come true...

2008-10-23T21:26:00.004-04:00

When I saw this episode on Oprah I was brought to tears. This is all about dreams and the loving support of others to help make dreams come true. This is a video of a 16 year old phenomenal singer that is singing in NY with Celine Dion which is her dream come true. They sing "Because You Love Me" and dedicate it to Charice's mom. As I listen to her sing with Celine I remember and celebrate all of the people in my life that I would dedicate this song to because collectively several people in my life have been my inspiration and my strength when I am weak.

Charice and Celine Dion Sing "Because You Love Me"

So Loved,
WonderWoman

My OtherMotha/Shero has been reading my blog...

2008-10-21T13:04:00.011-04:00

and reminded me that I have been on this leg of my journey for a while... She described my last six months or so as the winter season and spring is beginning. She said that the seeds are getting ready to bloom. She also informed me that she has been catching up on my blog. Actually I think she must have read all of my blogs for the last year recently... because she craftily used them to... encourage me. Some things I am grateful for...

Yesterday I accepted a j-o-b that is truly heaven-sent not just because I have been stressing about financial stability but because the work taps into my personal journey and feels "right" for me at this point in my life. It's work that matters, and the work environment promotes balanced living so I can keep my priorities in order. Cheers and thanks for new beginnings.
I am embracing my moment of change for a healthier life-mind, body, and spirit. I have been using my TurboJam DVDs... I get to dance and have fun and it has been helping me release the stress and negativity for the last few weeks (my goal is to get to a point where I am doing 30 minutes of cardio six days/wk). I am eating more veggies, and getting better about finding alternatives to my love of desserts.
I am more joyful and my smile these days is more than the surface smile I have been walking around with to keep those that care about me from worrying... it is truly a soul smile... I am so GRATEFUL!!
Distractions have their role, and lately I realized that my recent distraction doesn't really fit into what I ultimately want for myself. So I ended a relationship last Tuesday that did not serve my best interest... and actually intensified my feelings of loneliness because he just wasn't Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman. I will be patient and not settle.

-WonderWoman

It's a Beautiful Day...

2008-10-20T11:40:00.005-04:00

Thursday and Friday were Breakthru Days FOR REAL!! Wednesday night I couldn't sleep and I have come to appreciate those still moments of the night. They are the times when the noise in my head gets quiet and I can open my heart and communicate with God, through the tears I feel a deep sense of comfort. On Wednesday night as I cried, all I kept saying is "God I trust you, I trust you. I surrender to your will for me. No matter the outcome I know I can trust in your guidance, if I just listen and act when you guide me to act." If you read my last few posts, things have been heavy to say the least for me. All along the way though when I was able to quiet the negative talk, I would get clear about what is most important for me... my priorities. Doing this would remind me that I knew I would get thru "it" (losing a job, dealing with health issues, feeling lonely, and facing the junk in my trunk... to be more specific).

I am an experienced valley dweller and I am a stronger more gifted woman because of my experience. Today is a beautiful day because I claim it and commit to seeing the assets around me and not spend so much energy on the challenges I am facing. Mary J's song Beautiful Day from the No More Drama CD has been on my mind for the last few days. I am so grateful that I can see the truth... It's a Beautiful Day!!!

There isn't an actual video for this song, but I wanted to add it so I found this on YouTube:

It's getting more CLEAR...

2008-10-17T10:04:00.005-04:00

Over the last few months more an more areas of my life seem unclear and unstable. I am feeling as if several pieces of my life have been tossed in the air and I am unsure of how the pieces will fall into place. One of the pieces that really just brought my life into perspective was a recent health scare that I have been facing for the last few weeks. This brought some of my deepest fears to the surface. My fears of:
*not being strong "enough"...
*not being good "enough"...
*not doing the "right" thing...
*not being able to take care of my family, and not being there for my sons when the need me most...
*being alone when I yearn for a life partner through the good and bad times. I am tired of going thru the bad times ALONE. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be "ok"...

Well, yesterday I was relieved to hear "we didn't see any thing on the images that would lead us to believe that these abnormalities are cancerous". I still have to follow up with a Breast Specialist and deal with some other health issues, but I am so relieved and thankful that I have the opportunity to get my body healthier without having to also battle with the Big C. I am so GRATEFUL!!! I have to get serious about my priorities (see my last post).

My Gratitude

I am grateful for God's Grace and Mercy! I could never give enough THANK YOUs to God for his loving arms. He loves me in spite of my faults and offers Grace and Mercy to pulls me thru.
I am grateful for God's whisper when fear and uncertainty wake me from my slumber. He reminds me that he holds me in his arms and I WILL get thru the obstacles of life with his love... just trust him. I am realizing that right now God's arms are the ones I need most, and Mr.WonderfulMan will come when I am ready. I will take better care of my mind, body, and spirit because this is the vessel I was given and I have to do better.
I am grateful to have so many amazing people in my life that inspire me because of who they are and how much they care for me.
I am grateful for past lessons that showed me that I may fall down, but I can get back up again, so I know I will get back up again this time too!!!
I am grateful for my love of writing, because these days journaling is often the only places I have been able to "let go" when I feel afraid.
I am grateful for great music. My Itunes is like a soundtrack of my life, which is why I love to post songs that speak to the moment more eloquently than I can.
I am grateful for my son D's smile. I am proud of him for making better connections to his gifts and talents. He reminds me that growth doesn't always look pretty and the rainy season is needed in order for amazing flowers to blossom. I luv u D! He inspires me to take my own advice these days...
I am grateful that I get another day to become better than I was yesterday.

My Prayer Today: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Well I need to get going and start my day. Happy Friday!!!
-WonderWoman

My Reminder...

2008-10-06T22:47:00.002-04:00

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

Around my birthday I reassessed my priorities, and this post is just my reminder. I have been taking steps to get my life in order based on these priorities, and in the midst of these changes... fear has made it hard for me to move sometimes. I have to trust that as I LET GO... I will be able to push past the fear of:

the unknown
making the "wrong" decision
not being able to adequately take care of my family financially and emotionally
moving the rock because I am not comfortable with what might be underneath

I push past these fears most of the time, definitely with the help of others in my life, because my negative self-talk can be so disabling sometimes. My friends and family are truly God's love representatives in my life and I am so GRATEFUL!

-WonderWoman

Thankful that I am NEVER ALONE!!!

2008-10-06T09:46:00.002-04:00

This video is my hearts song... I am at a critical place in my journey and in the silence of the night, when fear wakes me up out of my sleep... God comes to me in a whisper and for the last week or so he has been reminding me that I have to embrace the journey and trust him. I have to remember that this is a journey, so I have to stop asking "why?", and instead ask "what is the lesson and what do I need from this?"

NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT- Marvin Sapp

To my Friends and Fam- THANK YOU!!! I have some amazing people in my life, and I am so GRATEFUL!

Sistas- take care of your mind, body, and spirit. Pay attention to what is going on with your body and we all need to just get healthier. My body has been talking to me and is forcing me to get serious about my journey to better health.

Grateful,
WonderWoman

Break Ups are Hard...

2008-09-19T12:19:00.002-04:00

I am in the final phase of my break up with my J-O-B. To disengage from a community is hard, and so bittersweet. I will miss the daily, "Hi Ms. G" and the regular check-ins with students as we pass in the halls. Its been harder to let go than I thought it would be. Hardest part has been trying to think about how to say "see you later" to students that I have connected with during my time there. I have been avoiding it, but next week I have to face it. I will have to schedule lunch visits with some particular students... I will miss them!

Preparing my heart and mind to LET GO...

-WonderWoman

Work That...

2008-09-10T12:39:00.003-04:00

The first few days of school have begun, and I have been so glad to see the students coming back after having a good summer. I cut my hair over the summer, and I am loving my wash and go... so of course students noticed the change. Several of the girls said things like, "Ms. G it looks nice, but why did you cut your hair. You have "good"/"long" hair. Why you want it short? I wish I had hair like yours."

In those short moments I remember the reality of Black girls hair and body image complexes. I reminded them that I am so much more than my hair. One student was hanging out with me for a little while so I let listen to one of my favorite Mary J songs: Work That from the Growing Pains Album. We had a really good conversation about the message in this song and the need for all of us to love and celebrate our beauty!

Remember that we are teaching the next generation, through our actions not just our words. We can't tell young women they should love themselves and we don't love ourselves.

YES WE CAN... YES I WILL!!!

2008-08-28T23:08:00.002-04:00

Michelle Obama's speech inspired me... Barack Obama's speech moved me and filled my soul and spirit with renewed hope... I am so excited to do my part to be the change we are moving towards.

I watched Barack Obama's speech with my sons and though they don't fully understand how I feel, but as I spoke to them to explain why I feel so inspired and hopeful... I also was reminded of why I have chosen personally and professionally to be the agent of change that I continue striving and working towards.

Webster's definition of HOPE:
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence

I HOPE that as a nation we will stand together and vote on November 4th for the change we need... and after that moment I HOPE that as a nation we will continue to stand together and do the work and support the policy changes and do the work that needs to be done. We need to make our individual commitments to change in our self, our families, our communities, our nation.

YES WE CAN... YES I WILL!!
WonderWoman

Transition...

2008-08-19T11:47:00.003-04:00

Today I choose to remember that I am “here” for a reason…

I often encourage young people to find their inner superhero, and today I choose to remember my own advice. I have been feeling stuck and afraid to move for a while, and I have begun to get unstuck and I am ready to move. I will use this time of transition to enhance my inner superhero. Today, I am reminded of Marianne Williamson's passage:

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I found my passion and purpose over the last two years through my work with children and adults at varying places on their personal continuum of happiness and super heroism. Lately I have deepened my understanding of some of my triumphs, trials and tribulations as I move on this same continuum. It is from my own experiences that I have been able to relate and support students and adults as they face their fears and strive to be better today than they were yesterday. Sometimes I have felt like a fraud when I am encouraging others to do what I am often afraid to do myself... to be "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous". I am in another transition on my own continuum and transition is often a scary place for me. Life is a spiral. Sometimes I feel like I am going up the spiral and sometimes I feel like I am going down the spiral.

Today I wrote a farewell letter to my colleagues announcing that I will be leaving the school I have been working at for over a year. I am taking a risk and leaving my current role in search of a role that is better suited for me to be "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous". I am not sure what my next piece of work will be, but I have been blessed to work with colleagues and leaders that believes in me, and I have an opportunity to find a role that is aligned with my strengths and will continue to help me grow into my purpose.

I have been feeling really ambivalent about leaving my current job, because I feel sad that I am leaving students and colleagues that I care for deeply. I celebrate many successes over the last year or so in this work and I also have felt out of balance personally and professionally for quite sometime now. Circumstances sometimes force you to make a decision and get unstuck. I am shifting my perspective about my current space. I am moving up the spiral and I feel excited. Every day is filled with new possibilities and I will push past my fears. I am blessed to have wonderful friends, family, and colleagues and I will remember they are my source of strength and encouragement as I move forward and continue to embrace the superhero in ME.

Blessed and Encouraged,

WonderWoman

One of my favorite Days...

2008-08-03T15:06:00.005-04:00

Happy New Year/Born Day to me!!! Today I woke up feeling more hopeful than I have felt in a while. My New Year has begun and I am excited about the new possibilities ahead of me.

I have been really thinking a lot about what are my personal priorities as I think about my life and make some decisions as as I move forward personally and professionally. Reflecting on my last year has been a process, and it has also pushed me to get focused on my priorities vs. others priorities. This month I am focusing on reconnecting with myself and trusting God's guidance. I am ready to get out of my own way...

WonderWoman's Priorities
1st- Take care of myself- mind, body, and spirit
2nd- Take care of my children... Coach them to be their best selves
3rd- Be my best as a family member and friend
4th- Share my talents with others
5th- Finish what I started... if "it" will strengthen me

Thanks to you family and friends who shared in my Born Day weekend. Some highlights of my weekend:

I went to Merengue Restaurant for dinner with some friends. I love good comfort food with my amazing friends. I had enough left over for lunch and dinner the next day.
I rested... the week was long and I was exhausted, so on Saturday I just chilled and then went out with my sons that evening.
I enjoyed spending time with my sons and some of our "healthy" debates.
I saw a few films at the Roxbury Film Festival. The Festival was wonderful and I really enjoyed the movies that I saw- Of Men and Boys with Robert Townsend and Steam with Ruby Dee.
I now share my Born Day with the official Ruby Dee Day in the City of Boston. She received a City of Boston Citation that officially announced Ruby Dee Day... that was inspirational in so many ways. Elder Black women inspire me and leave me hopeful. They remind me that I have decades left to be more and more wonderful and fabulous...
I ended my Born Day with one of my favorite things... Lemon cake from the Cheese Cake Factory... yummy!

Thank you to my friends and family for sharing one of my favorite days/weekends.

Inspired and Loved,
WonderWoman

My Pilgrimage to Alabama and back...

2008-07-09T17:08:00.003-04:00

I stayed up the whole night before my early morning flight to ATL, then we rented a car and drove to Alabama (4.5 hour drive).

Highlights from my pilgrimage:

During my drive I got a marriage proposal at a gas station from a brotha in need of a dental plan. That was different... I had to say NO! He was not quite my type, but I do love a SouthernGentleMan... teeth are a requirement (lol).
Reconnected with my cousin over a Sonic Milkshake and french fries.
As always, enjoyed my slumber party with my Grandma/shero, and our drives are always fun!
Fell in love with my little cousin QJ. He and I spent two days together. It was hard for me to say good-bye. I hope his mother gets it together and give him and his little sister what they deserve... love and stability.
Danced, laughed, and cried as I remembered my Auntie... RIP Auntie P
Creating more memories with my family across five generations!

It was a bittersweet trip to Alabama, and I always come home more grounded in the legacy of strength from my Grandmother and other family members.

So Blessed,
WonderWoman

I can be...

2008-07-02T01:33:00.002-04:00

... So much more emotionally open in writing than I can be verbally.

A friend just called me after reading an email about my a la Summer Adventures plan that I sent and then came to check out my blog. She and I talk regularly, yet she just told me how it takes reading my words to truly understand how I am feeling, because I seem distant and silent lately. She quoted a phrase I use often to say the feeling outloud but not really deal with it outloud... "it is what it is".

A typical "feeling" conversation these days:
I say- this or that happened. i feel pissed/hurt/frustrated/angry/disappointed/insert other feelings i don't like to feel.
s/he says- wow. that sucks/that's not okay/she is ridiculous/ he is stupid/insert other empathetic statements following a typical "this sucks" rant!
I say- it is what it is... (change subject)

After she said this to me... I realized that I am getting more and more emotionally silent, even with those I lean on most. Some of my silence is because I don't want to hear myself or my feelings outloud, other times I am just trying to stop complaining so frequently and re-living events that frustrate me. I realized its harder for me to get past my frustration if I re-tell/re-live an event more than once. So if I told one person than I am really trying not to then re-tell/re-live it more than that.

So in some ways when I am asked how I am doing, that is why I say what ever I am feeling at that moment and then change topics... and other times I do this because I actually... don't want to deal with it outloud.

I will be okay... and one way I know that for sure is because I have finally said OUTLOUD and via email (smile) that I need others to help me come out of the valley. Blogland has been my written outloud place to express somethings when I am ready to at least write them down... thats what I appreciate most about blogging.

Well I have done enough sharing.... wow 3 post in two days, and 1 post on my BMU Blog. I am exhausted with all this feeling stuff... lol.

Moving toward the light out of the cave,
WonderWoman

A la Summer Adventures

2008-07-02T00:36:00.003-04:00

Hello Friends and Fam,

The last few months have been filled with emotional highs and lows for me... and I am ready to work my way out of the valley... and one of the things I need to do is get excited about things I can change. I haven't been satisfied with some of my current circumstances... and one of the things I have been complaining about is not going on vacation... so I am vacationing at home this Summer... a la Summer Adventures. I would love to have friends and family along for my adventures so I wanted to share some of the things I am interested in doing and if anything sparks your interest let me know, because I could use the company. Pack a picnic basket and cooler and enjoy some of the free or damn near free things going on in the city... Simple things with good company are always spirit boasters for me.

Things I want to do this summer-

face my fear of water by going kayaking (maybe even take a class (http://www.paddleboston.com/paddle_school/introkayak.php);
definitely spend more time at the ocean;
taking swimming lessons;
go to motorcycle class to get my license (no bike but something I have always wanted);
of course my usual pilgrimage to Six Flags at least twice (once to enjoy the waterpark and another time to hit the rollercoasters).
Enjoy many of the local events around the City.

Some cool stuff to do: http://www.searchboston.com/happenings.html.

Let me know if you want to roll with me on any of my Summer Adventures... we can catch up and have fun! Also, I haven't figured out what I will do for my Birthday weekend (August 3rd), but I am taking some days off from work and when I figure it out I will let you know.

Remembering to keep reaching higher,
WonderWoman

RIP Auntie...

2008-06-30T00:28:00.006-04:00

Auntie, your pain started long before your heart began to fail you physically and caused your body to deteriorate. Your pain probably started before I was born, because your journey was hard for as long as I can remember...

Ur life sure ain't been no crystal stair... pain and addiction left destruction on your journey. Yet for all the things "wrong" on your journey... you showed me some things that have helped to make me a better woman and mother. Your pain and despair created an awareness for me that deterred me from the path of addiction. I saw first hand that you loved your children and family, yet addiction could be stronger than your love at times. In spite of the stronghold of your addiction you, the love you shared with George was so deep, and that lives in my heart and faith in love. Beyond the surface and chaos you shared that rare true love... Thru thick and thin yall never walked away from each other. When everyone was telling George to let you go, he stayed and was the best father and husband he could be thru it all.

Loosing George Thanksgiving 2007 broke your already weak heart. I look at pictures of the two of you at family reunions... yall were the life of the party. Today, I know your pain is gone and your spirit is free to meet your true love again. Tell George I said "wassup". Tell Granddaddy, I am sleeping in his t-shirt tonight because whenever its time to go to Alabama is bittersweet because "the house" just ain't the same without him.

You know our family, so the planning for your homegoing will probably have some drama flavor added to the mix. I am trying to coordinate the travel plans for folks up here. I wonder who will sing your song... smile. I will hold YourBabyBoy when I see him, and pray he gets passed his anger and have love around him to support him when the grief gets real hard.

Though we haven't been as close over the years. Please know it is not because I didn't love you. Between the miles, and some of the drama of your circumstance... in my adult years our relationship was distant. You were a part of my foundation, and I thank you for your spirit. We had some fun times when I was growing up and during family reunions... dancing, talking, and your spunk was contagious.

I am blessed that I was able to see you in February. It was hard for me to see my spunky Auntie debilitated... so I hope you can forgive my quietness. Once, I got passed my sadness, and we started reminiscing in the living room about your life and the different family moments... I was able to see past your condition and remember how much fun I had with you.

Your a legend... fun, spunky, take no mess, love filled woman. I have stories of my Auntie letting folks know... she ain't the one to tested ;-)

Your addiction masked your true love filled spirit at times, and my cousins and our family have suffered because of the ugliness of addiction. I know you loved them and us... I never doubted that. When I would be in Alabama you always welcomed my children and I into your home and offered us whatever you had. I love you for that.

All of the women in my life helped to shape me... your thumbprint in my life is:
-You reminded me to enjoy moments because those memories get you thru hard times. Because of our memories I always knew you were more than the mask of your addiction. Like my father, you helped make my heart big and deep because I am able to still love you even when I didn't always like and respect some things that you did.
-You reminded me to seek enlightenment and love instead of dangerous escapes to deal when the pain of my own journey has been so unbearable at time. You reminded me of this thru your experiences. I wish you and my cousins didn't have to be that example, because at your core you were a loving mother. I pray for their healing... God continue to carry them and be the light they need.
-The love you shared with George reminded me of my favorite love story... "There Eyes Were Watching God".
-You sparked my love of ice cream, when you use to take us to the Ice Cream Hut when you lived on Alaska St. Our late night ice cream dining... I still do that til this day.
-Dancing is always a freeing experience for me and you were one of my first dance teachers.

In honor of my Auntie... Someone singing one of her favorite gospel songs... I won't complain

I love you Auntie...

-WonderWoman

Closure

2008-06-28T23:48:00.002-04:00

Closure is a challenge for me in some aspects of my life, and sometimes I know its for self serving reasons. A truth I am realizing... when I don't close the door completely, then I still have the option of reverse. I know how to close doors, I've done it when I was ready to do it. Am I just not ready, or is it fear??

Hmmmm....

Uh Oh...

2008-05-26T23:34:00.005-04:00

I slipped out of neutral... into reverse last week (see my neutral post)

But I am back in NEUTRAL because that's where I need to be... in this moment.

As I work to not avoid feelings that nag at me sometimes... sadness and loneliness is not what I want to feel so I try to ignore them when they show up. In the truth of acknowledging the presence of my feelings and letting them pass... I have been feeling lonely. I have had quite a bit of solitude the last few weeks, and most of the time by choice... but the last week or so... not always by choice... just circumstance.

One of my theme songs...

2008-04-27T22:45:00.003-04:00

and the song that inspired the title of my blog- I Choose by Indie Arie

NEUTRAL has it's purpose

2008-04-27T12:04:00.006-04:00

A little while ago I had a conversation with a superhero friend about the metaphoric role of Neutral in life. At the time of this conversation, I was down and I couldn't fully grasp the metaphor... but time has passed and I didn't let go of the pearl of wisdom that he shared with me. I am realizing more and more that NEUTRAL truly has it's purpose.

These are some of the purpose of NEUTRAL on your car (I got this online, and only posting for metaphoric purposes... consult someone who knows the automotive details about NEUTRAL on your car for driving purposes... cuz that ain't me... lol)

Neutral is not a gear.
This can be used for example if your car stalls while moving, you can shift to neutral, restart the engine and then shift back to drive.
it disconnects the engine from the transmission, this allows the vehicle to "freewheel", works great also if your car is parked in a garage for example and you want to roll it frontward or backward a foot or 2 for example, rather than starting the vehicle and wasting gas you can place the transmission in neutral and push the vehicle.
Neutral is also used as a space between Reverse and Drive, that keeps you from accidentally shifting into reverse from drive without pressing on the button on the gearshift first.

These are some of the purposes of NEUTRAL in my life, these days...

I just need to "disconnect the engine from the transmission" for some matters- I feel like some things have stalled in my life and I just need to shift to neutral, restart my engine... and then I am ready to move forward. This is not a permanent state, just a necessary position to help me restart for these particular matters.
"Freewheeling" for some other matters- I am just "freewheeling" for a short distance before I switch into gear... "reverse" or "drive" which one, I am not sure? Sometimes its as clear at it seems which gear I should be in for some matters. God's whisper is saying I need to be still in neutral and I may need to go in reverse in order to get back on track... and that's okay for some matters. But for now I am just "freewheeling" until its time to move in either direction.
Neutral is also there for me as my protection from accidentally shifting into "reverse" from drive in a few other matters- As much as I don't like going "backwards" sometimes I do it because its familiar and/or as a distraction... those are the times when "reverse" is not the best gear. When I slip back I can always go back into N and then into "drive"...

Some reminders of people, things, places I am grateful for:

sharing some time with my sistafriends... to vent, remember "I ain't the only one going thru", be encouraged, be reminded of our fantabulousness, and most of all... just be for a little while...
my Daddy's Hugs. Sometimes I drive an hour to see him... just for a hug, and to be Daddy's Little Girl for a moment... NEUTRAL at it's best! I don't like for my Daddy to worry about me, so I sometimes don't share the details of things with him, but we've gotten to a place where its not needed... all I have to say is I just need a hug, and he knows I just need that moment to JUST BE... in a space that is so safe... my Daddy's arms!
traveling down memory lane looking at my sons' photo albums... there were good times, and the reminder of how far I've come... I just can't give up now. I've come too far from where I started from... (when I get my scanner to work I will have to scan some of them)
walks in the park... they're FREE and a great way to remember The Flowers and connect with spirit.

A few days out of town with some of my superhero colleagues. I have been counting down the days for the last month, and now I can count down the hours... less than 48 hours!

Well I have some things I need to finish up before I leave for my trip...

Blessed and in Neutral,
WonderWoman

Peace, Be Still...

2008-04-13T09:45:00.003-04:00

Last week truly reflected God's grace in my life and through my circumstances. The challenges are real, and when I truly let go and with faith and trust... Let God... I experienced his awesomeness. I have been quieter and that has allowed me to see more. God's whisper reminded me to listen at least twice as much as I speak. Some things I was more aware of last week:

Being more present in my day
Each morning I decided to focus on at least one aspect of my day where I would be as fully present as I could. For example, on Wednesday afternoon I decided that I would fully engage in the enrichment activity I was participating in with students. It was hard to get out of my head at first, but when I did I was fully engaged in the game and for that moment my focus was on the children I work FOR... not the stresses of my day or the tension I just experienced from colleagues just moments earlier. That really grounded me! Presence truly equaled Peace in that moment!

Being more aware of my feelings and acknowledging their presence
I am the "great avoider" of feelings that don't make me happy or that make me anxious. I was more conscious this week of my feelings and particularly the ones I didn't feel comfortable with. I took the time to name the feeling and recognize its presence and move on so that it doesn't dominate what I am doing. It's like the child that keeps calling, "mommy mommy mommy mommy" until you answer and then the child just says "you didn't answer me" and moves on. Eckhart Tolle says awareness is the foundation of higher consciousness.

Being more prayful and more aware of God's whisper throughout the day
Some things going on with me right now professionally are really trying, and I realized that I have been so passionately frustrated in these days because for the first time I can clearly see how the professional work I am doing is connected to my purpose. It is so much more than a J-O-B. In the past, I have prayed for a J-O-B, I have prayed for a way to quit a J-O-B... but I realized that I don't pray often enough for guidance in the work I am doing in my J-O-B. Last week in some work situations, I would stay silent and just pray for God's presence... and in those moments his whisper told me what I needed to do. Similarly in my personal life things have been really trying, and I am getting better about suspending my judgment and just asking for God's presence in the particular situations.

per·se·vere
intr.v. per·se·vered, per·se·ver·ing, per·se·veres
To persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.

A superhero friend asked me last week... Who are your allies at the J-O-B? Last week was truly telling of who are my allies vs. who I thought were my allies. I am not in this alone. A motto that one of my allies shared with me... "this too shall pass- I just have to live through it!"

-WonderWoman... a work in progress

I have an abundant love-filled life!

2008-04-04T00:50:00.001-04:00

I started this blog on April 3rd, and at the time, I couldn't type more than the title, because I was really in a fog and couldn't see this to be truth in that moment. Today (April 9th), I choose to finish this blog because God is awesome and this title is THE TRUTH.

The fog was THICK. Truthfully for the last couple of months it has been getting thicker, but last week I had only about 3% visibility. Just enough visibility to remember that this title is truth, and I just needed to really LET GO & LET GOD.

The fog was some of these negative feelings that diminished my vision...

scared
self-doubt
guilty for failing
shame for not being a "perfect" woman, mother, friend, daughter, sister, leader... and the list of roles go on
angry
sadness
hurt
disappointed
lied to
lied about
attacked
self-pity
defensive
wanting
deceived
lonely

Sunday, I got alone so I could just focus on the 3% visibility which was my FAITH and my soul felt awareness that "I HAVE AN ABUDANT LOVE-FILLED LIFE". I went to my "I need YOU" playlist in iTunes, and one of the first song is "Still My Child" by Mary Mary, and then this song- "Show Me" by Yolanda Adams (I couldn't find the video online so here are the lyrics... ).

Show Me by Yolanda Adams
There is a place in me
That no one but You can see
And in that place I'm really insecure
I've been hurt before by man
But I'm really sure You understand
Every tear I've cried
I bet You've cried a million more
How can I get back to where my smile I had was real
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much

Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence to fill this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

In the coldness of the night
I'm surrounded by Your light
Even in the darkness,
You tell me don't be afraid
I am not afraid
After all that I've been through
I'm still valuable to you
So I run to Your arms
Where I'm safe within Your praise
And just in case I forgot to tell You
Don't ever let me go
I'm desperate for Your touch
And I miss Your voice so much

Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

Lord, show me your will
Until you do I promise that I'll be still
So, come and take these pieces and
You made me a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

Before I met You
Before I knew You
My heart ached for something that I could not explain
And then, when I saw You,
I finally knew what I thought love was before had changed
Lord show me Your face
I'm longing for Your presence in this place
I give You all the pieces
'Cause you made a promise
You put me back together
Better than I was before

So I have started each morning this week with:

my "I need You" playlist while I enter a space for prayer
Repeating my mantra- "I am coming out of this valley more fantabulous then before. I am growing even more, and my life is more and more love-filled thru this".

And during the day I pray for God's presence when I am am feeling the fog get thicker, thank him when I get pass the foggy spot, and ask him for his guidance so I can listen and give from my heart not my mind in some situations. I also, have Michael J, Thriller CD, in the car on rotation because that brings back so many joyful memories. During difficult situations during the day, I just sit and say my mantra in my heart and that has kept me open to seeing past words that could make me feel hurt, defensive or angry.

I have some amazing allies in this world. My superhero friends and colleagues have really helped me to turn and look up out of this valley... and I can see there is a path leading up. My BestestFriends, have been in their own valleys... and still poured into my cup. Our friendships are so heaven sent. THANK YOU for being FANTABULOUS! One of my superhero friends posted a blog, that inspired me to choose to finish this blog today, April 9th. Because it's not easy for HUmans to show their vulnerability. Vulnerability has been easier for me in Blogland than in my personal relationships, because I figure most people don't read my blogs. POPS- thank you for being my number one /probably only viewer, and we do still need to connect. I will call you this week.

So Blessed and Loved,
WonderWoman

Send me reciprocal love...

2008-03-31T20:52:00.008-04:00

Yes, I am in a melancholy mood, so what other greatest hits CD to listen to other than... Sade. Here's a song that speaks to my mood.

Sade's release of Percy Mayfield's original song-Send Me Someone to love

I continue to work hard at following my heart. I recently took a risk and told a wonderful brotha that I have grown to have deeper feelings for him than I have been willing to acknowledge. The feelings were not reciprocated but like I told him I have no regrets. Here in an excerpt of something I wrote to him after "the talk"...

The experience allowed me to remember that in due season, Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman will join my life. I wrote different sections of the piece that follows at different points in my life, but as I look at this today... these are still my ultimate desires in Mr.WonderfulBrotha for WonderWoman.

My Ultimate Desire

(I wrote this section Jan-2008)
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will bring laughter to my soul
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will inspire me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will encourage me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will push me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will support me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will enhance me
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will LOVE ME!
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will receive and respectfully appreciate my LOVE FOR HIM!
Mr.WonderfulBrotha will be my partner in life-someone I can laugh, play, cry, and grow with...

(I wrote this section Summer-2006)
• He will love and respect me for my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weaknesses he will even find endearing. He will appreciate my quirks and extroverted nature.
• He is a Man that I can share all of myself with... my hopes, my dreams, and even my fears. He is confident and able to share his hopes, dreams and fears also.
• He is a kind and empathetic man in his special way.
• He will appreciate and respect my children, family, and friends.
• He is a Gentle Warrior! He’s Protective, but not a rage-filled person.
• He has vision for his life and purpose. He is motivated. We are a powerful team!
• He is supportive and encouraging, especially during those times when I am down and need a supportive push... he is there and in tuned.

What is sexy to me… (I wrote this section Spring-2004)
• A brotha with a beautiful smile (I am weak for dimples… but sexy lips are essential.)
• A tall black man with broad shoulders (over 6 feet, 220-250… depending on height. I know I am short, but I love a tall brotha.)
• A black man after a hot shower with damp skin and cocoa butter scent
• If you have hair… I love a fresh line up with a tight goatee. Bald is beautiful with a tight goatee… a freshly shaven bald head goes with the shower scene.. lol
• A brotha that smells good. Some of my favorite colognes- Kenneth Cole, Calvin Klein (they have a few scents I like), Old school Farenheit and Obssession (for nostalgia sake…lol), Prada and Sean John (new to list as of 2007ish)
• A brotha in a crisply pressed shirt with cuff links (men need accessories too…)
• Speaking of accessories… I must say one earring with a simple stud with a little sparkle in it is a great accessory (the big bling is not necessary, his earring shouldn’t be bigger than mine)
• If he is suited up… I love it when it looks like the suit was just made for him (well tailored and a style that compliments his body)
• If he’s going for the casual look… I love a nice pair of jeans on a man with just the right amount of sag to them, but not falling off.
• Nice Shoes… oh that is an important part of the package (my aunt said a man’s shoes can tell you about the man.)

This recent experience is another lesson learned, and I am getting better and better about being my authentic self. I am getting ready for love…
-WonderWoman

Let Go & Let God

2008-03-31T00:08:00.003-04:00

I found this poem recently, and it is very fitting to where I am these days:

Let Go & Let God .

--Author Unknown

As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child" He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."

i LOVE you... from my soul

2008-03-18T23:30:00.003-04:00

i LOVE you… from my soul
Written by WonderWoman on March 17, 2008

YOU are different people and experiences in my life that my mind is struggling to reconcile with and embrace… TODAY.

Authentic LOVE transcends to my soul
It doesn’t end because you or I say so.
Relationships change, and some are discontinued,
But my soul still loves you because it connected... with your soul
When souls connect it is so much bigger than
What you or I want…

You have your own journey and my purpose is to walk with you.
On this stretch of the journey it's time I that put you down
so you can learn to walk on your own.
You have your purpose in this life, and
I have to remember that you are actually not an extension of me.
You are your own mind, body, and soul.
I birthed you and God created you.
You, are an extension of God…
I have to learn to walk beside you...
and hold you up when you need me,
but I can't carry you that is God's work.
i LOVE you… from my soul

I grew up with you. Our lives have been interconnected for so long.
My soul feels your pain, even when I don't want it to.
I call on God for direction.
The other day, you said '''its' is no biggie...”
Yes, I understand that we are all born to live and die.
The biggie of it all is not the end…
It is the reality that time... might run out in this life
Before the healing you need happens.
My prayer for you is...
God, heal his heart in the physical and in the spiritual.
Today I have a deeper understanding of how...
love and pain have been a part of our relationship,
Yet past our minds… our souls still know each other.
i LOVE you… from my soul

You became a part of my life a while ago,
and we became interconnected...
Before my mind could talk me out of it.
Thank you for laughing and dreaming with me!
I can take the bumps of life better these days with you...
Some people around us see something that you and I don't want see.
My mind can't believe it was not able to stop this "madness".
My heart and soul know the truth.
i LOVE you… from my soul

You are so much more than a J-O-B.
You are what I was called to do.
Spirit continues to guide me in this work,
Even when my humanness gets frustrated, and
wonders if this J-O-B is for me.
In the midst of a long draining day, my soul smiles at a moment or an experience,
that I couldn't schedule or orchestrate.
This work is so much bigger than “my” agenda and “my” plan.
i LOVE you… from my soul

Today I have a deeper understanding of how LOVE… from my soul
can't be denied even when the mind struggles to accept it.

Some Things I Know For Sure...

2008-03-18T08:41:00.006-04:00

Last night, of course was another restless night. I was going thru CDs and found my Mary J- No More Drama CD and my Mary Mary CD. My little cousin sang this song, "Can't Give Up Now" by Mary Mary, at my Grandma's Birthday Party and it was what I needed to hear a few weeks ago and definitely what I needed to listen to TODAY...

In the stillness of the night... I finally shut off the noise around me so I could hear the whisper... "You can't give what you don't have. Things are hard right now... Just lean on me". My time with my Grandma a few weeks ago, and the retreat this weekend was the spiritual nourishment that I know I need to climb out of this valley.

I had a good soul cry to this song, today... "Still My Child" by Mary Mary

Some Things I know for sure...
-This too shall pass... in due season
-I can't expect to win if I never try...
-How I am feeling is not just about you... I am really struggling to find the best way for me to deal with the collection of unmet desires and challenges I am experiences right now.
-I realized that the reason I usually have such intense internal battles is because I fight so hard to avoid disappointment. I try to control my wants because it really sucks when I can't have what I want when I want it. Bratty but honest...

I am grateful...
-For wisdom that I have gained through experience and the ability to listen to the wisdom of others.
- For God's whisper
-For XOXOXOXOs... well lately there have been only XXXXXXs... but I am ready for some OOOOOs... lol
-For LOL
-For music that can feed my spirit

Encouraged,
WonderWoman

Gaining a deeper understanding...

2008-03-17T09:05:00.008-04:00

... of what LOVE is. As you can see I was blogging earlier, and I got some sleep but not much. So I came back to write some more... because some of my thoughts are blocking my rest. My thoughts and my friend Pops recent blog post inspired this blog.

Mary J, has a song on her latest CD, What love is. These are the lyrics

Mary J Blige Lyrics

The chorus speaks to some of my thoughts:
"And it feels like joy, and it feels like pain.
And it feels like sunshine, feels like rain.
An excuse for dying, reason to live.
And if you don't know that's what love is..."

A quote from one of my favorite authors
"Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

My Thoughts... i LOVE you
(The "you" in these thoughts are different people and collectives)

Authentic Love that transcends to the soul, doesn't end. Relationships change, some end, but the soul still loves because it connected with another soul and soul memory doesn't end. When souls connect it is so much bigger than what you or I sometimes want.
You have your own journey and my purpose is to walk with you. On this stretch of the journey it's time I that put you down so you can learn to walk. I am right here beside you. You have your purpose in life, and I have to remember that you are actually not an extension of me. You are your own mind, body, and spirit. You, like all of us are an extension of God not me. I have to learn to walk beside you... there to hold you up when you need me, but I can't carry you that is God's work. i LOVE you.
I grew up with you. My heart feels your pain, even when I don't want it to. I call on God for direction. Our lives have been interconnected for so long. The other day, you said '''its' is no biggie... you are born to live and die." The biggie of it all is not the end, it is the reality that time might run out before the healing you need happens for you. My prayer for you is... God heal his heart in the physical and in the spiritual. Today I have a deeper understanding of how I can still love you. Anger and pain have been a part of our relationship... yet past our minds our souls still know each other. i LOVE you.
You became a part of my life and we became interconnected before my mind could talk me out of it... completely. My mind can't believe it was not able to stop this "madness". My mind is losing the war because my heart and soul knows the truth. Thank you for being my best friend. I can take the bumps of life better these days because of our relationship. i LOVE you.
You are so much more than a J-O-B. You are what I was called to do. Spirit continues to guide me in the work even when my humanness gets frustrated and wonders if this J-O-B is for me. In the midst of a long draining day, my soul smiles at a moment that I couldn't plan or orchestrate. This work is so much bigger than my agenda and plan. i LOVE you.

Today I have a deeper understanding of how LOVE can't be denied when it's in the soul.

Some thoughts...
WonderWoman

Remembering my Playfulness...

2008-03-17T02:00:00.002-04:00

This weekend I attended a Project Joy Retreat (www.projectjoy.com). This is a training/retreat that teaches adults working with children how to use intentional play in our work with them. I returned from my vacation to see my Grandma and within a few days was back in the thick of the stresses I am dealing with... at work and at home.

I was looking forward to this retreat because I have done smaller workshops with folks from Project Joy last year and was looking forward to attending the retreat since then. I almost cancel going because of things going on at work and home that have left me feeling so drained. I got there late, but Spirit guided me in spite of myself just like my trip to Alabama (see last post). I am so grateful that I went.

My most joyful moments are when I am laughing and playing... and I had a weekend filled with laughter and play. I needed to just shake off the adult stresses and there were activities that really brought me back to joyful memories and I was able to escape in the fun of play. Some highlights:

The game "Bust-A-Groove"... I moonwalked to Billy Jean in a room full of adults... and I was at "work". That was so exhilarating.
Remembering that I need to take care of myself. One session we developed our Joy Plan/Self care Plan.
There was another session where we remembered a moment in our childhood when we had joy and playfulness. I remembered my neighborhood and friends... how carefree we felt when we would go outside... riding I bikes, playing in the park, and letting our imagination take us so many places. Reflecting on those memories and listening to others share their memories that then reminded me of even more memories.

This retreat gave me the space to release a lot of energy thru play, and I also had Saturday evening to just relax away from home.

I am grateful...

For having the opportunity to attend the Project Joy Retreat. It was what I needed and I left rejuvenated.
That I can still play. Even with weight of some of the things going on in my life... I still have joy. I still seek laughter and play.
The 25th Anniversary Release of Michael Jackson's Thriller album. I have so many joyful memories of dancing and singing with my friends and family... as a child and as an adult. I have been known to turn on MJ with my sons... singing and dancing. My sons pretend like I am driving them crazy, but I can tell they enjoy seeing me so playful and happy.
For Bishop. You're the bestest! Your perspective helps me more than I think I share outloud (I move past the hearing stage most of the time...lol). Thank you for the laughs, and the support. This weekend reminded me of how much joy and playfulness is a part of our relationship.
For Lemonade Shortbread Girl Scout cookies. I bought my second box of these cookies this weekend... yummy!

Well I need to go to sleep! Getting more sleep is a part of my Joy Plan.

I got Joy Joy Joy...
WonderWoman

My Grandma T's Love...

2008-03-04T01:43:00.004-05:00

I just got back from my trip to Alabama for my Grandma's 84th Birthday Party. It was exactly what my spirit needed.

My Grandmother is an amazing representative of LOVE. My understanding of LOVE and FAITH were seeds planted in me as a child, not so much by the words my Grandmother spoke, but by her actions. As I grew up and as I continue to grow, I continue to experience love and faith in my Grandma's everyday actions.

My Grandma's house is always open to anyone who needs her. During her Birthday Party, there was a reflection part of the event and guests got up to reflect on experiences with my Grandma. Some relatives shared how open her home and her kitchen was to anyone who came by "THE HOUSE". Everyone just refers to my Grandma's house as "THE HOUSE", any you know exactly where they are referencing. Some of my cousins shared stories of whoopins... cuz we all got them for one reason or another.

My reflection was not so much about the whoopins as much as it was that my Grandma was always consistent… Love of God and Family, Collective Responsibility and Safety were the underlying principles of most of the rules in my Grandma’s house. If she said this is the expectation do it or “this” will happen if you don’t… she meant it. Dishonoring Family, Responsibility, or the Safety expectations would surely get you a whoopin, but I felt in my heart (beyond the pain of the whoopin) that these principles mattered. I model a lot of who I am as a mother after my Grandma. Some of my worse whoopins were at the hand of my Grandma T, yet I never doubted her love for me. Even in the punishment there was a loving spirit.

The part of this trip that I am most thankful for... is the night talks with my Grandma. Since my Granddad died a few years ago, I always look forward to sleeping in my Grandma's room with her (see my last post). She has such a comforting spirit and she is so funny. She was so excited that I was able to make it down for her birthday. She and I have a connection that I can't eloquently put into words. I often say, "God knows my heart", and he truly does. The most amazing thing is my Grandmother... can feel my heart even if she doesn’t know what’s going on. She can feel me when my heart is heavy.

Some family members talk to my Grandma all the time... leaning on her and reaching out to her for support. I consciously don’t reach out to her for support as much as others do, because I have always felt that too many people relied on her already. But she feels me in spite of my mind telling me don’t burden her. She and I just have this way between us that I don't even have to say what's on my heart... she just already offers me the support I need. She always has a spirited pearl of wisdom to share... sometimes in a prayer, and sometimes through the humor of one of her fabulous rhymes or riddles. My Grandma is the originator of Hip Hop... lol. ("I'm like a bird... I get there first"- Grandma T)

Lately, I have been feeling the weight of so many people needing to lean on me. My Grandma could just tell, I didn't have to say a thing. The first night, she sat with me on the bed and just prayed for me. She told me. "Baby, just let go of the weight". She said she could feel it when I hugged her. She then offered her wisdom. She said, "I gotta lean on God because without him I can't take the weight of everything and everybody that needs to lean on me".

My Grandma has told me more than once, that I have her nature. For a period of time in my life I resented that, because I grew up with women that gave so much of themselves without getting much in return from many of the people that were recipients. Some of their giving was with the hope that they will be loved in return... like a downpayment towards love. I have been there… done that. My Grandma gives because she feels called to give. I denounced the “superwoman” mentality at one point, but I am realizing that I am knee deep in it these days. On the plane ride home I realized that I needed to assess some areas of my life to understand the spirit of my giving… is it because it’s a calling or is it because I am looking for love in return? I am continuing to grow and give and receive love in ways that I can’t always predict. I know love beyond limits, and I also know love that exists in spite of the limits I place on it.

I am grateful…

For my Grandma T. She continues to inspire me, and is such a wonderful representative of God’s Love.
For Sweet Tea. Simple loving gestures make such a difference for me. My Grandma was so happy to have me home, that she made me my own “jug” of Sweet Tea (a gallon jug to be exact). I needed some of Grandma’s loving and Sweet Tea.
For the truth that Spirit gives me whether I listen or not. Sometimes I get in my own way, yet Spirit continues to guide me. I had so many reasons why I “shouldn’t” go to Alabama… but Spirit didn’t let me block what I needed.
“Old Town Coffee”. This was a small coffee shop that just opened in Thomasville, AL. I didn’t know how I was going to get through this visit without some where to get coffee… and then my cousin found this shop. I was able to get a latte after going two days without any coffee.

I read Proverb 31:10-31 at the opening of my Grandma’s Birthday. I remember the first time I reflected on this passage as an adult… my Grandma is the image I saw in this reflection. The verses that really capture the essence of my Grandma (Proverb 31:25-31):

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

So Blessed,
WonderWoman

Today, I Choose to laugh instead of cry...

2008-02-26T23:28:00.005-05:00

Today was a interesting day. I am continuing to face some hard truths about some aspects of things going on in my life. Today was like a roller coaster ride, with moments of highs and lows throughout the day.

I started off the morning feeling frustrated personally and professionally. Personally I decided to let go of the "I am right, and you're an ass" and took the high road in a situation. Professionally I had to take the high road and let go of some of my stubbornness about a situation. That left me feeling upset, but I know it was the right thing to do.
Then I went to a meeting with my like minded counterparts in other schools and felt connected and rejuvenated. The director of my department shared some enlightenment on how to get thru, and that left me feeling hopeful.
Then my everyday frustration kicked in, but I didn't let it take over. I went to a friend's house where I could quietly pick one task and complete it. That felt good. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich was so comforting, and the convenient location of my friend's house allowed me to finish my task and get it down to south station in time.
This evening I had a planning meeting, that was productive enough, but more than anything we laughed and learned... and laughing is truly the best medicine. We broke bread, worked, and laughed for almost 4 hours. It was truly what my spirit needed to lift the heaviness I was feeling.

Today I am grateful for:

The ability to laugh and learn. ICE IT OUT! (inside joke)
Working with such a great cohort of counterparts in the field. We are able to support each other without judgment and competitiveness.
My cohort is going to a conference in Oregon. We need the break!
I am going to Alabama on Thursday and I will spend the weekend with my Grandmother... my SHERO! I can't wait for my night time chats with my Grandma. Since my Grandad passed most of my family members don't like to sleep in my Grandparents room (they were old school... two beds in the room). I on the other hand look forward to the spiritual comfort I feel when I have my slumber party with my Grandma.
My Grandma doesn't always connect with the details of what's going on in my life, but she always connects with my heart and spirit... she encourages me and reminds me that I am so much more than my present circumstances. I am so grateful that I know that and even in the midst of the storm I know that I know... I am so much more than my circumstances. I am thankful that I have learned that truth.

Following my heart,
WonderWoman

From a Whisper to a Gut Punch...

2008-02-19T20:33:00.006-05:00

Some of my closest friends and family know that when I call them... take a deep breath and say... "guess what happened to me"... they know that I am about to share some crazy recollection of an event that could only happen to... me.

Well usually my "guess whats" are situations that are the reminders or lessons that come to me thru a gut punch, because I was ignoring or avoiding the whisper. Saturday was one of those days, I was involved in another hit and run car accident. It was not a serious accident, but a very symbolic incident. The jerk side swiped me, and raced away. At first I started to follow him, but the whisper said just get the license plate, so I did. I was angry for a little while, and then I did what I knew I needed to do... I got quiet and listened. I have been avoiding that quiet ME time. But after the car incident, I knew I needed to pause and get alone for a while. After a good soul cry (I needed that more than I thought). I have been emotionally exhausted, physically ill, and mentally overwhelmed for a while now. So on Saturday, after the gut punch... I listed my worries and that moved me to surrender some things. Surrendering allowed me the space to shift from what I don't want... to WHAT I DO WANT!

Saturday started off with some affirming and fulfilling moments. Working on Saturday has been the source of some of my unbalanced life and also a source of great fulfillment. I don't have the words yet to describe the feeling... but its amazing to do work that I know my journey, that was filled with trials, tribulations, and triumphs, prepared me to do. I shared some insight with a young mother while she waited to pick up her beautiful daughter. As we were talking I realized, that if I had not been through it before I wouldn't not have had the insight to share. Some days I am able to give to others what I probably needed when I was in their similar situation. As it has said before... the gut punch was my reminder that God ain't done with me yet.

I was skimming thru this book, Nothing's Impossible: Leadership Lessons from inside and outside the classroom by Lorriane Monroe. I found a new quote to add to my collection this week from Ms. Monroe, "As you grow, so does your work, and so will those whose lives you touch."

Some things I am grateful for:
-My faith and trust in God's love for me
-My Grandma T for being an amazing representative of God's love. She is truly my shero!
-Music. Two songs that really spoke to my situation these days are by Yolanda Adams- Anything and Only if God Says Yes.
-Corn Dogs. I had a corn dog yesterday and it reminded me of some special moments that I have shared with my youngest son. He was obsessed with corn dogs at one point and we would go on missions to find the best corn dog in the frozen food section... lol.
-Creative combinations for cheesecake... I just love dessert! I had a slice of cookies and cream cheesecake... yummy!
-My new highlighter w/ post-it tabs. Oprah put me onto this new product and I am using it for the new Oprah Book Club- A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
-My Tivo... I am all caught up with The Wire and Oprah... :-)

Peace,
WonderWoman

Just Fine!

2008-02-08T23:44:00.000-05:00

Just Fine
By Mary J. Blige
Best Video Codes

This week has been one of those weeks... where I had to get in the car at certain moments, turn this song up, and remember that... I AM JUST FINE!

The verse that really speaks to the space I am in:

"Let it go……
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, go do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right"

This has been a week of coming to terms with some truths that I didn't want to deal with. It has also been a week of reality checks, and reminders of how hard yet rewarding it is to be Wonder Woman and all the roles that I have as a woman, a mother, a daughter, a friend, and change agent.

Between this song and my Yolanda Adams playlist, I know I am JUST FINE! This is the journey and I have to just keep shifting my thoughts and feelings from a space of negativity to a high state of positive focus.

I re-started my Gratitude Journaling (where you write 5 things that you are greatful for... daily). I wanted to share today entry:
1- That God knows my heart!
2- That God has my back!
3- For 24 hour Walgreens
4- For caramel
5- For music that can change my mood

Peace and Blessings,
Wonder Woman

A soul reminder...

2008-01-12T16:21:00.000-05:00

My first full week back to work is done, today as of 2:30p.m. My six-day work week is fully activated. By Thursday, I was questioning my sanity for taking on this extra day of work to run the tutoring program at my day job. Getting ready for our Saturday program has been the source of my stress this week. But today... I was reminded of why I made the commitment to the students and their families. Today, I had a soul reminder. The negative mind is so powerful, and it had been clouding my vision latelu.

During the parent orientation I facilitated an activity with the parents called hopes and fears. We opened the discussion up with sharing our hopes and fears for our children. A mother, almost in tears, shared her hopes and fears for her child... and her fear is that he will drop out after 8th grade and he is only in the 4th grade. After our group discussion about our collective hopes and fears, we were able to talk about tips and strategies to restore hope in our children and how to not let the fear keep us stuck. This mother came up to me after our orientation, and thanked me for doing the hopes and fears activity. She said, "I sometimes cry after watching my son struggle with homework and he says that he is just not smart or that he can't do it. I always try to encourage him, but he has always struggled in school. I was feeling like I couldn't do anything to help him. After our discussion, I feel more hopeful about what I can do for him at home and how I can help to make sure he gets the support he needs." Her perception shift of what she is capable of doing to support her son, is why I do the work I do with families, and why I continue to push for quality programming for our students. I hugged her, and my soul smiled, because in that moment I was reminded of my PURPOSE.

I started typing this blog and then had to save it, because I went out to see the Pats do what they do... GO PATS!!! Following my outing, I had a conversation with one of my dream partners, and it really built on the soul reminder with that mother. He asked, what is your dream job... and then he also called me on some of my negative BSing, and how I have been getting off track lately (I am so grateful to have people in my life that care enough about me to push me when I need pushing). As we were talking I was reminded that I am not sacrificing my dream because of my day job... in fact my day job is a part of my dream. It really is a part of my journey.

I have been feeling like I don't have enough time to do everything that I need to do, between family, working, and "moguling", I have been feeling stretched. Some of what I have been most stressed about has been because I feel like I can't do it all... I have been questioning if I can wear all of the hats that I have (self hat, mommy hat, family hatz, friend hat, work hatz, entrepreneur hat... and the list goes on). I have been feeling exhausted, feeling guilty about not spending as much quality time with my family as I use to, feeling disappointed that I am behind on a project so then I start to avoid it, and I haven't been handling my personal business as I should and that makes me feel even worse. All of these negative feelings have begun to take a toll on my spirit.

Yet today was a good soul reminder... and I will release this stress in prayer, and have faith that my spirit will continue to be renewed. I have to pay attention! I have to be patient! I have to stop avoiding! I have to ask for HELP!

Prayer: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Rejuvenated and So Blessed,
WonderWoman

Grant me the serenity...

2008-01-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

Monday, Tuesday, and Today have been rough... but tomorrow will be better. This afternoon a friend helped me to remember the Serenity Prayer... I needed that perspective shift. So positive prayer, a good laugh, and Mary J Blige... "Just Fine"... helped me shift my thinking.

I came home after a long day, mentally exhausted... and had a Mommy Moment. My "soon to be 16 year old" son is finding his fashion style these days, so he and I were playing dress up and coordinating outfits. I was able to share that moment and check in... that is my most important Job, and tonight was the reminder to not let the day job stuff stress me so much that I miss these moments.

The other song that gets me through difficult times on this purpose-filled journey is "Never Give Up" by Yolanda Adams. I am listening to my Itunes "pick me up today" playlist. Here are the lyrics, I hope they uplift you as much as they uplift me.

Uplifted,
WonderWoman

"Never Give Up"

Visions that can change the world trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me too afraid to dream out loud
And though it's simple your idea, it won't make sense to everybody
You need courage now If you're gonna persevere

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

[Chorus]
Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you
Don't give up

Every victory comes in time, work today to change tomorrow
It gets easier, who's to say that you can't fly
Every step you take you get, closer to your destination
You can feel it now, don't you know you're almost there?

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

[Chorus]
Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you

[Bridge:]
Who holds the pieces to complete the puzzle?
The answer that can solve a mystery
The key that can unlock your understanding
It's all inside of you, you have everything you need yeahhhh

Sooooo, keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you

Sometimes life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you're gotta keep the faith, bring what's deep inside your heart yeah your
Heart to the light
And never give up Don't ever give up on you

Joy to the New Year... 2008 has begun!

2008-01-06T23:56:00.000-05:00

I made it through the holidays. As you can read in my last post, I was in a humbug mood during the holidays, but I made it through... and Today, I choose to be optimistic. My morning mantra on most days for the last two years has been... "everyday is filled with new possibilities". This truth has carried me through and to some amazing experiences that I couldn't not have predicted.

My holiday break was filled with plan changes and surprises along the way. I did actually boycott my family dinner, as the kick off to my week of de-stressing and doing a "whole lotta nothin". In that moment that I decided to not go to my Dad's for dinner I felt guilty but after a while I realized it was what I needed.... to give myself permission to do what is best for me. So that was the lesson and spirit of the rest of my holiday break. My life was so busy leading up to Christmas that I had to go out and do most of my shopping the weekend before. Shopping worked out really well and definitely was a catalyst to me getting into the holiday spirit.

Christmas day was different this year. As first the changes were frustrating me because I was beginning to regret my decision not to go to Alabama for the holidays. My sons stayed with their father Christmas eve night and came home Christmas afternoon. It was a different arrangement, but I went with the flow... and it worked out wonderfully. Christmas Eve I went to dinner with Casblog's Family and it was a great time. I actually cooked Christmas dinner instead of going to my friend's house. My son's and I had a great time hanging out Christmas night, just the three of us. They went back to their Dad's the next day. This holiday season, I had a week filled with a good blend of healthy alone time, quality time with family and friends, shopping, cleaning, and relaxing.

This year I brought in the New Year with my family and dream partners over the span of the night. What a great way to start the year. I am so thankful to have them in my life. Going into this new year, I will continue to move towards my purpose. The prayer from my last post will guide me forward:

Prayer: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Peace and Blessing,
WonderWoman

Tis the season...

2007-12-15T10:54:00.001-05:00

Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (NIV)

Tis the season... to be merry and appreciative. The holiday seasons can be a very melancholy time for many people, because of loss, financial woes, and other circumstances. I know I have had a melancholy spirit during the holidays for the last few years. I work hard to shift my perspective... and for the most part this helps and my overall mood is filled with joy and appreciation for what I do have. The valleys of being a Single woman and mother hit most during the holiday seasons so it's only natural to feel a bit humdrum at moments. the moments that I typically feel humdrum are:

Showing up to holiday events, and people looking at you like... her she comes again... ALONE. When my stepsister with 800 kids, never worked a real job a day in her life... shows up to the family dinner engaged and a year later he is still there and now her husband... that's can be a bit depressing for me. I almost boycotted the family gathering this year or was thinking about bring a rent-a-man for the gathering. I haven't brought a man with me to holiday dinner in many years. I am the last SINGLE person in the clan of 11. Hell now even the grandkids are showing up with husbands and wifes. Even my father is starting to wonder when will I...
Ending Christmas Day... ALONE. The excitement of Christmas morning with my sons usually ending by noon when they leave to go to their father's house. I am happy for them, because they have finally made healthy adjustments to their new family circumstances.
Making the decision to have Christmas dinner for ONE... or going to a friend's house for dinner. I appreciate the kindness of others to offer a seat at the dinner table for the singles... LOL. I feel welcomed and that makes it easier... but her in-laws give me that look of pity.... poor thing, so sad... What others think about me don't usually impact me much, but during this time of year I am feeling some of my own self pity. Not what I want to feel, but just being honest...
New Year's Eve... I have been home ALONE for the last few New Years Eves... journaling about my hopes for the new year, eating my favorite snacks, watching the ball drop and falling asleep watching movies. Now that my sons have gotten older... New Year's Eve game night is not as appealing to them, so they usually are with their father and cousins. Going out single on New Years Eve was fun at 25, because I was out with my single friends, but not as much fun these days at 30+.

In seasons passed my melancholy mood was driven by those quiet times alone wishing that I wasn't. This season, my personal circumstances are still the same... debating on whether to occupy the single seat at my friend's dinner table or make a small dinner for one and watch movies. What will I do for New Year's Eve, etc.

This year my melancholy mood due to my circumstances are also filled with sadness, because I really wanted to be in Alabama with my family for Christmas. The day before Thanksgiving tragedy hit my family in Alabama really hard, and I really just wanted to spend Christmas with them. My Mom has been going home to Alabama for Christmas the last few years.... and that has changed the traditions of my Christmas quite a bit, but I give her the gift she loves the most... a plane ticket home. I give it knowing it makes her so happy to be there. This year I wanted to join her, but my sons wanted to spend Christmas in Boston because that's the tradition they have grown to expect... and I couldn't imagine not waking up on Christmas morning with them. So I made a hard decision and decided to not go to Alabama this season to be with my mom, grandma, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I will get down there soon...

All of this to say... I am as thankful for life, family, and friends as I have stated in prior posts. Even when I am in the space of feeling humdrum around the holidays... I am thankful, because each year is truly filled with new possibilities. I am truly blessed, and in due time and due season... change happens! This holiday season, tragedy has reminded me about how much I love my family... with their craziness and all. The dilemmas I face this season, also reminded me that I am where I am suppose to be, even when it doesn't feel good. This too shall pass, because it always does.

Prayer: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.

Thankful and Blessed,
WonderWoman

This song...

2007-12-03T14:52:00.000-05:00

This song truly reflects some of what has been going through WonderWoman's mind the last few weeks. I have been so busy and have not had a lot of time for reflection. I am loving Alicia Keys new CD, and this is one of the songs I keep on repeat. Feeling a bit overwhelmed these days, being a Superhero is not easy, and there are days that I need some rescuing too.

But I have a few days off this week, to try to get some personal life stuff done so I can feel less overwhelmed.

Alicia Keys - Superwoman lyrics
Album: As I Am

Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
State of humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
Better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
As I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
I can fly
We can fly, Oooohh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Five Years later...

2007-10-26T23:48:00.001-04:00

I feel like my life has come full circle in so many ways. I just came from dinner with SistaFromAnothaMotha and we both had a moment when she asked, "What were we doing five years ago?" We paused, reflected, and both said "WOW" at the same time. Then we sat silently for a bit, because five years ago was definitely a turning point for both of us. We both had recently changed courses in our lives and was entering a new frontier. Our lives have always typically been very different, but this was the first time that we were at a similar place. We had never been single at the same time, but at this point we were, because the relationships we thought were "forever" had recently ended- for me it was my decision and for her it was his decision.

This was the first time in my adult life that I was living my life my way. I made some mistakes along the way, but "WOW" five years ago was the beginning of an awesome trip. Bringing me today... FIVE YEARS LATER.

My ipod shuffle usually lands on a song or to that connects with my thoughts. "Take me as I am" by Mary J. Blige came on when I started typing this blog. The lyrics to this song resonate with me on so many levels- family, love, and work. The verse that I sing from my heart is:

She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they help to make she
She's been lost and found
But she's still around
There's a reason for everything, yeah

Let me take myself to bed. I could blog about so many aspects of this journey... as a woman and all of my many roles in my world. At the core of it all, I have finally found peace in who I am and love for who I am... so yes, the world will have to "Take Me as I am"...

Peace,
WonderWoman

Take Me As I Am
By Mary J. Blige
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Empathy vs. Compassion

2007-10-19T08:37:00.000-04:00

How do you respond to this statement, if it comes from a Grown Person that you work with who takes forever to get work done, and now others are calling her on it?

"I don't like feeling stupid in front of other people? I don't feel like we are on the same page."

My patience and compassion is really low these days. My first response was, "Did you finish the task they are asking you about?" Her response was, "No". Then I asked, "Do you believe you are stupid?" Her response was, "No (with an attitude)!" My next response was, "What do you want from me? What am I suppose to do about your feelings? For me this is a job, and task completion comes first, feelings are secondary to me. So task completion is all I want to focus on at this point. We spend more time dealing with adults' feelings around here than we do on task completion and that is inefficient. Hell I am FEELING frustrated talking to you right now, but I have to in order to complete the task... so can we move on?"

This wasn't the first or the tenth time we've had this same conversation about one thing or another over the last few months... so my snapping was from a please of... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

The definition of Empathy is:

Empathy- Should not be confused with Pity and Sympathy and Compassion.
Empathy (from the Greek εμπάθεια, "to make suffer") is commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and directly feel the emotion of another. As the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another's mode of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of emotional resonance.

I am a very empathetic person. I am also a person that doesn't have a lot of patience for foolishness. So I definitely don't confuse empathy with sympathy or compassion. I can understand how you feel and understand why you feel the way you feel... but I don't believe I have to put up with foolishness just because I understand why it exists.

I have compassion for adults that are WORKING THRU their "issues", because hell I have mines and I respect the hard work it takes to WORK THRU things. Especially given the "issues" are things you want to avoid and not DEAL WITH because it makes you feel inadequate. WORK THRU and DEAL WITH are the key phrases! Recognize, Accept, and Do something to change it. I can support that.

My frustration in this situation is more from a place of.... please don't bullshit me and expect me to rub your back to make you feel better, if you are not going to do your part... especially not at work. Work is work... Personal is personal. You know you need to get your shit together... so get it together. I will take time to help you get it together (if I can), but I don't have patience to see you just talk and talk about how you feel and yet you don't use that same energy to get it together.

Empathy is exhausting given my extroverted nature. I usually have time to unplug, but lately I have been working long hours and that is effecting my approach with people. When I am feeling empty it is harder for me to have compassion for others.

I don't want to be a mean person... but I will also not tolerate foolishness.

WonderWoman Needs a HUG and REST!

Vulnerability...

2007-10-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

IS SO DAMN HARD!

On the surface I am open, but going a layer or two deeper... I am more guarded then I have been ready to admit to myself. There are a few people in my world that, when I am ready... I know I can take a deep breathe and let my guard down with them. Last night I took a deep breathe and shared some stuff that I have been holding for a while now. I jumped. I feel the weight lifted and in my heart I know I will be okay no matter the outcome.

Fear is an amazing thing, and I try hard to acknowledge its presence yet not be held back by it. Some days I do it better than others. The process of taking the deep breathe... jumping... and being vulnerable out loud... was laborious for me. The discomfort and avoidance was there, yet the supportive push that I needed was received and appreciated. I found myself fighting back tears half way thru the jump, at the point of no "take back". The tears were because I knew I couldn't turn back even when I wanted to (at one moment I wanted to close my eyes and go back in time 10 minutes and not jump), yet in my heart I knew it was safe so I pushed passed the fear.

As I said in my last post... my heart and mind have been at war for quite sometime. Last night I realized how much I have changed. What I realized last night was that it was so hard for me to let the tears fall. They were not tears of sadness, they were tears of fear... I am jumping and today I need someone there to catch me. I use to cry for therapeutic release frequently, and SistaFromAnothaMotha has been through many of my therapeutic cries. I have been through my share of difficult lessons, but I don't want to be so guarded that I deny what is in my heart. To choose to jump, and admit my desire for someone to be there to catch me... leaves me feeling so vulnerable.

Today, I choose to push passed the fear... acknowledge the discomfort and work hard to follow my heart. My heart won an important battle against my mind last night. I finally WonderWomaned up.

Pushing passed the fear,
WonderWoman

Jump...

2007-10-10T01:39:00.000-04:00

Tonight, the reality of an internal battle I have been dealing with has left me feeling really uncomfortable and I know I need to WonderWoman Up for real this time. I feel like I am on the low of an emotional rollercoaster ride. For quite sometime now, my heart and mind have been at war. My heart keeps nudging me to jump and trust that I will be safe. I have been so afraid to say out loud... my heart's truth.

This past year has been filled with moments that defy the current reality. I have felt confused for a while now about what is next... and this state of discomfort is really hard for me. The cave of avoidance has housed me for a while now... but I have to come out and face the truth.

Brain Dump...

2007-10-05T07:46:00.000-04:00

I need to get the whining out....

My neck has been hurting lately... hmmmm stress and tired will do it
I have been working long days
When the day ends I am too tired
Some nights I want Right4MeWonderfulBrotha to hold me til I fall asleep
I am an emotional sponge and when those close to me are not okay, I feel it too
I need some ME TIME
My house is a mess and I don't know where to start... little time and energy by the time I get home to even deal with it.

And now the celebrating begins...

I am going to the Pats game in TWO DAYS!!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
I love my DVR... last night I caught up on some of my TV watching
My boys are smiling (My 15 year old can be moody, but MommyGut says he's doing fine)
I smile
I know that I am loved and respected... the essence of love is so beautiful
I am WonderWoman and on purpose
I am so blessed. My friends and family propel me forward... directly and indirectly
I am where I am suppose to be
I know patience is a virtue, and I am growing to be a more patient woman. Sometimes I yearn to hit the fast forward button, but as I grow I am learning to value the process and can find more patience...
Despite the alone nights, I feel optimistic... Right4MeWonderfulBrotha is on the way

I can't go on vacation, but the next best thing for me is...

2007-10-02T22:11:00.000-04:00

... GOING TO SEE THE PATRIOTS ON SUNDAY!!!

When I visualize my prosperous life that is continuing to unfold... being a Patriots season ticket holder is a part of the visualization. I am still working hard and dreaming BIG. In the meantime...

I am delighted to go to a game when I can... and Sunday I am going to see the Patriots vs. Browns game. My SuperHeroFriend surprised me with two Patriots tickets. I wish he could come with me, but he has to work (sad sad face). I wonder if he knows how much this surprise means to me, and how damn excited I am.

Since he won't be able to go with me I am bringing SistaFromAnothaMotha with me. I am soooo excited!!! I was aggravated at work earlier today and then remember that I am going to Foxboro on Sunday and it made my mood 10x better. SistaFromAnothaMotha and I went to New Orleans when the Patriots went to the Super Bowl (what a trip... we didn't go to the stadium, but watching the game in New Orleans was amazing and partying after the VICTORY was soooo much fun!... oh the memories). So I am happy we are finally going to a game together. We were on the phone earlier planning our gear for Sunday and I got more excited!!! I might have to get a new jersey. I have a Corey Dillion jersey, but he's retired so maybe I will finally get my Bruschi jersey. Then we were trying to figure out if we will tailgate on Sunday... hmmm we will see.

SuperHeroFriend- THANK YOU!!! and we will have to catch a Pats game together next time! You know I LUV football, and that's why this gesture is soooo damn hearting of you... lol. Edit 10/8/07- you actually did go with me to the game- Parking $40, DunkinDonuts coffee $4, watching you get busted trying to smuggle snacks and a drink into Gillette Stadium... PRICELESS.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY (dancing),
WonderWoman

Where does the time go??

2007-09-27T00:03:00.000-04:00

I feel like my last post was only a few days ago, but truly it was weeks ago. Life continues to be very busy. My cup is still "half FULL". I could definitely use a bit more, but I am moving in a good direction. God continues to amaze me! Just when someone else's "humanness" seems too unbearable... 'something" happens... an aha moment, or the storm settles... and that "something" is just enough to keep me pushing forward and not choking someone... oops I mean negatively responding to someone else's actions... wink.

Work has been very busy and filled with some interesting aha moments. I am where I am for a reason, and some days the reason is crystal clear... and on other days I need reminders. This week was filled with purposeful reminders that I have been preparing for this work for quite some time. I am there to share my talents and grow, and I can't loose sight of that no matter how exhausted I feel. I am planning to take some time off soon... yippee!

On Saturday, I volunteered at a fundraiser with another superhero... and he was awarded the Pursuing Your Purpose Award. You know you are in a place of favor when you are "pursuing your purpose". I continue to be reminded of how blessed I am to have some amazingly purposeful folks in my life. He has stepped out on faith to pursue his dream and purpose, and that is so inspiring.

Well let me take myself to bed.

Everyday is filled with new possibilities...

Peace,
WonderWoman

The Light

2007-09-05T23:08:00.000-04:00

I am recovering from my exhaustion, and just trying to hold on to my "cup is half FULL" perspective, and work on replenishing my cup to FULL. I was just sitting tonight thinking about some things, and my psychic IPOD music shuffle played this song and it really left me in a contemplative mindstate...

The Light
By Common
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Much Luv,
WonderWoman

I feel... EXHAUSTED!!

2007-08-28T23:02:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my friend and telling him about the random foolishness going on in the lives of people around me and about how as much as I care about them, I also can't deal with how their foolishness impacts me. He said something like... you carry a lot of weight from other people. How does that make you feel? When he asked me I didn't really have an answer in that moment so the conversation moved on, but the question has lingered in my mind since then.

So as this statement and question lingers in the recess of my mind... life goes on and I have been feeling more and more "weighed down" these days. So I think if he asked me that question TODAY... I would say EXHAUSTED!

I have a lot going on right now, some good stuff, some frustrating stuff, and some stuff that is testing my patience. My current state of mental EXHAUSTION is clouding my perception right now. I NEED A VACATION!!!

As I have said in past posts... I am truly blessed to have some really good friends in my life. I can count on them to be there for me when I am need them. Like when I am feeling EXHAUSTED, because I know I can find one of them to release it, vent and/or problem solve (when I am ready).

I am truly BLESSED. Right now I know my cup is half... FULL. I truly believe that this too shall pass. I just really could use some "weight loss", a comforting hug... and a VACATION!!! I need some rejuvenating so I can replenish and not feel so depleted.

Well I guess I should go to bed... that could help with the EXHAUSTION, huh... smile.

Blessed,
-WonderWoman

Recent Adventure...

2007-08-26T16:26:00.001-04:00

I went to Six Flags again... yippee. This time I went with my SistaFromAnothaMotha. We hadn't gone on an adventure in a while, so it was great to hang out with her.

A Few Memories from our Adventure to Six Flags:

Stopping at Marshalls- Swimsuit $5, Coverall $12, ticket to SixFlags $50... anticipation of getting on rides that make you scream with fear and excitement... priceless.
The thrill rides of the day: SuperMan was closed for the day... big pouty face...

Typhoon (WaterRollercoaster) and
Tornado at the WaterPark:

The Catapult was the scariest ride of the day...

I forgot we had my camera so I only have a few pictures. We took a picture with Scooby... he's such ladies man...lol

We ended our adventure with... FRIED DOUGH and COTTON CANDY!! What is a trip to an amusement park without it...

I had so much fun! But we were exhausted when it was time to go. We were there for almost 7 hours. I still have to go back at least one more time this season, because I still have never rode on the SuperMan... and I just have to do it!

Peace,
WonderWoman

A Gift in a MorningWakeUp Call

2007-08-23T08:45:00.004-04:00

In my dream... The phone rang at 8:30A.M. I thought it was going to be my Daddy. I stumbled out of bed to answer it, never even looking at the caller ID, because the crust in my eyes clouded my vision (yeah, I am still fabulous even with crustations...lol).

Well it wasn't my Daddy. It was actually my ex (I will call him WonderfulSoldierBrotha... I mentioned him in my last post). We still stay in touch, but over the last year the communication has been few and far between.

It was good to talk WonderfulSoldierBrotha. He called to say THANK YOU for me being me. He also shared with me how much our relationship impacted him and has gotten him through some ruff spaces. He thanked me for letting him go because he needed the space and because right now he knew he couldn't be the man that I needed and deserved. He said SORRY that he was not able to be there for me when I needed him most.

Our conversation was only about 15 minutes, but it was a gift to me this morning even if it was only in a dream. He is truly a man of few words, but I can imagine that when he opens up his heart he would say SORRY and THANK YOU. I will always care about him even though our relationship is in the past, because he is a WonderfulSoldierBrotha. I know that I had closure before this morning, but this morning wasn't about closure it was about reassurance. It was a gift to hear someone else share their perspective of WonderWoman and reminded me of what I have to share in a relationship. It reassured me that I am a WonderfulWoman and also reinforced my courage to stay open for Right4MeWondefulBrotha. Given my last post, this WakeUp Call dream came at an interesting time. No... WonderfulSoldierBrotha is not Right4MeWonderfulBrotha i guess, because we aren't together. Relationships are truly for a season, some longer than others and our season has pasted.

When ever I think of him and our experience I think of Whitney's... And I will Always Love You...

A little background of my relationship with WonderfulSoldierBrotha-

We started a relationship shortly before he deployed to Iraq (NationalGuardsman completed a 1 year deployment). The months before he left for Iraq were amazing and those memories were very sustaining.
He had my heart and we stayed together during his deployment. Care packages and emails were our major source of communication. It was difficult because simultaneously I was going through a very difficult time in my life. I shared some of it with him, but it was best that I not share everything because he really needed to stay focused so he could come home safely. I missed him the most when I just needed a hug and he wasn't there to give it to me. I learned a lot about love and some of the simple ways to give and receive love during his deployment.
A year later he came home a very different man (withdrawn and emotionally hot and cold which was too unpredictable for my taste). I never doubted his love for me, but the relationship wasn't able to really pick up where we left off because of his difficult transition back to civilian life, and he and I were both different people from when we first met. We held on for about six months or so after he got home, but there was rarely enough time for us to spend together to reconnect beyond a day here and there. I was able to wait for him during his deployment because I really wanted to and I had great anticipation of his return. It was hard for me to accept the truth at first: he truly needed space and I needed more than he was capable of giving me. I willingly made the sacrifice while he was away, but resentment was settling in, because its one thing when actual distance keeps you apart, it harder to deal with when the person is not physically far away, but emotionally far away. I loved him too much to hold on when he really needed me to let go. Letting go was hard, but it was truly the best gift for both of us.
A year has pasted. I have learned even more about love during this year since our relationship changed. I have gained some wonderful gifts because of my season with WonderfulSoldierBrotha.

He reminded me that there are some WonderfulBrothas out there (he truly is an amazing man).
I also realized that being a WonderfulBrotha doesn't equal Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. That was a hard lesson but one I cherish. It helped me realize what I really need in a relationship.
I regained faith in love. I experienced true love with him and my heart grew bigger because of that experience.
My relationship with my father grew stronger during this time in my life. I gained more insight into the experiences my father had as a Vietnam Vet. My Daddy helped me understand what WonderfulSoldierBrotha was going thru while he was away and My Daddy was truly my confidante when he returned. This journey allowed my Daddy and I to have conversations we wouldn't have had, and my love and admiration for my Daddy grew stronger. HERO really means something to me now... the sacrifices men and women make as soldiers are truly heroic.
I learned how to pack a serious care package (you would be amazed at how much I could fit in a box).
I met some friends I would have never known because we shared the experience of having a loved one deployed overseas.
I learned how to let go... because of love. Which reminds me of a verse in Heather Headley's song- In My Mind, "They say if you love something, you've got to let it go. And if it comes back, then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know, That it was something you had to go through to grow."

--------------------------------------------

As you can tell from my last few posts, I am in an interesting reflective mode. This mode has shown me that I am ready for Right4MeWonderfulBrotha. The real question is... Is he ready for WonderWoman? Hmmmmm...

-WonderWoman

Reflections: He Is

2007-08-15T09:03:00.000-04:00

Last year my Auntie sent me this Dr. Phil book, Love Smart. A relationship I was in was coming to the end of its season... Wonderful Brotha, Wrong Time kind thing. That relationship renewed my faith in Brothas, but taught me that even a GoodMan might not be the RightMan for ME. I was sharing my situation with my Auntie, and this prompted her to send me a book... not a gift card to go clothes shopping or some good chocolate to help me feel better... just a book...lol.

When I got the book, she called me and said, "I know you think I am crazy, but if you don't read anything else in the book you have to read two Chapters- "The Character of Him" and "The Character of You". So trusting her wisdom... I read those chapter and a few other, and even did the exercises. I didn't finish the book, but I have picked it up a time or two to skim through section... over the last year. Anyways, I was going through my books last week to get ready for a book donation and came across this book. I opened it up and saw a wish list that I created.

The Man for ME

He will love and respect me for my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weaknesses he will even find endearing. He will appreciate my quirks and extroverted nature.
He is a Man that I can share all of myself with... my hopes, my dreams, and even my fears. He is confident and able to share his hopes, dreams and fears also.
He is a kind and empathetic man in his special way.
He will appreciate and respect my children, family, and friends.
He is a Gentle Warrior! He's Protective, but not a rage-filled person.
He has vision for his life and purpose. He is motivated. We are a powerful team!
He is supportive and encouraging, especially during those times when I am down and need a supportive push... he is there and in tuned.

I wrote this list a year ago, and at the bottom I wrote the song title... He Is, by Heather Headley. This is probably the first "wish list" I wrote about the Man for ME that didn't include his physical attributes... just his soulful attributes. Was this a sign of maturity... or maybe it was the requirement for the activity in the book... I can't remember...lol. Either way, this list still stands true for me. These are the soul attributes of the Man for WonderWoman.

Some of my peers, ask the question are their any GoodAvailableBrothas left? I believe in my heart there are GoodBrothas... the available part is getting harder to find...lol. Well, reading my wish list a few days ago has left this song on my heart....

He Is
By Heather Headley

The day will come when WonderWoman connects with The Man for ME. Until then I will keep believing he is out there. Today I Choose... to feel optimistic!

Much luv,
WonderWoman

Like Sweet Morning Dew...

2007-08-08T00:16:00.001-04:00

I found this website with music videos that I can add to my blog. I am so excited about this. I had an interesting conversation about this song recently, so I am adding one of my favorite... songs to my blog. When this song comes on I can't help but turn it up , get my head nod on, and get to singin' in my own special way...LOL!

Never thought that being a Brotha's Nig... could be so endearing...

Mary J. Blige - I'll Be There for You/Y ...

Born Day Weekend... a Great Kick-off to a Wonderful New Year!

2007-08-06T23:26:00.000-04:00

My New Year has begun! My Born Day Weekend was FANTBULOUS! Akunamatata... a weekend of no worries... and doing what makes Wonder Woman smile- hanging out with family and friends (w/o drama); steak and chocolate cake; amusement parks; good company; lots of laughter!

Highlights of my BornDay Weekend

Friday
*Inspired by Bishop- I started a new Blog... BabyMommasUnite (BMU)
*Banana Bread French Toast with my Brother
*Dinner with CasBlog, MySistaFromAnothaMotha, and Brit... steak and chocolate cake (yummy)
*The restaurant staff sang Happy Birthday to me (First time I ever went to one of those chain restaurants on my actual Birthday... it was on my list of things to do so this year I did it... smile)
*I was kissed by a Moose

Saturday
*Anxiousness/excitement about my visit to Six Flags... I woke up at 5:30a.m. (going on 4 hours sleep, because I couldn't wait for the day to start... giddy smile).
*I finally got on water rides at Six Flags. I usually don't go into Hurricane Harbor.
*I had a lot of fun in Hurricane Harbor at Six Flags!
*Inhaling a lot of water on the Cannon Ball ride... I think my nose is still burning, but it was fun!
*DC Comic Store... My new Wonder Woman stuff- a tote bag (so fly!); Wonder Woman bobblehead; wristband; keychain, and new t-shirt to add to my collection!
*Everyone had FUN! It was a rocky start... who says only teen and pre-teen girls are moody...

Sunday
*Anxiousness/excitement about my Party. I haven't had a party (w/ decorations) in a really long time.
*Going to IParty... I always get carried away
*My tiara.. I loved it!
*CasBlog found a SuperHero that represents her well... Isis
*Having my Party at Big Funny Sunday (comedy showcase) was so much fun!
*DDoC... those dudes are hilarious... Much luv, yall made my day (http://www.myspace.com/dynamicduocomedy)!
*Learning about all the different occasions that you can use handclappers! Very multi-purposeful... who knew...
*Seeing my Mother LOL... because she is famous for her closed mouth chuckle

My New Year Ahead Forecast
*New Beginnings=== Full of New Possibilities!

Much luv and Gratitude,
WonderWoman

I RELEASED IT...

2007-07-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

I remember when I was really young, my aunt was very upset because someone did her WRONG... and my Grandmother told her to RELEASE IT. At the time I didn't understand what that meant. Then one day many years later, I went to my Grandmother for counsel because someone did me WRONG... she said the same thing to me... RELEASE IT. At that point I understood what it meant intellectually, but it was really hard for me to RELEASE IT. Forgiveness of others is truly the best gift you can give to YOURSELF. Forgiveness is not about the other person, its about you not holding onto your anger,or pain,or the unforgivable WRONG. Holding on to these things hold you back. I know this in my heart now, not just in my head. I have gifted forgiveness to some folks and for some folks I have had to forgive them more than once. Forgiveness is never easy, but I learned a long time ago that its harder to carry the weight of anger than it is to RELEASE IT.

Yes, WonderWoman has been in total reflection mode.

Well just a moment ago I RELEASED IT. I was on the phone with a person that did me WRONG and I lost a lot of respect for her because she lacked of integrity and backbone. Lying about yourself is one thing, but lying about me is something totally different. I befriended her which doesn't come easy for Wonder Woman. My SistaFromAnothaMotha, my Momma, and a few others thought I was insane for befriending her, because of the circumstances of our relationship. But the truth is that I befriended her... due of the circumstances. Hell I wasn't seeking her friendship and for many years our paths hardly ever crossed. I was doing well not to have to speak to her too often. Life changes and due to some of our commonalities(that I wouldn't chose but they are what they are), our paths joined at one point. The friendship began and ended after about a year...

Long story short I was hurt by her actions, but I was even more angry at myself for trusting her in the first place. Integrity in a friendship is very important to me, so there's no going back on that one. But the reality is that I have been holding on to this for over a year. Today, I RELEASED IT... because holding on to the negative changed my mood when I would see her (I hadn't seen her much after this happened, but in the near future we will be seeing a lot of each other). I am a GROWN ASS WOMAN so dinging her in the mouth is not a good look. So in true GROWN ASS WOMAN fashion, I would exchange hellos and keep it moving, but then I would feel the anger and be back in that moment every time... that doesn't suit me. I am DONE with that moment in the past, but when I would see her my anger brought me back there. I have moved on, and I am truly too blessed to be stressed...

I have elevated to another level in my life's journey over the last year, and holding on to that anger, just doesn't fit with me given where I am and where I am heading.

Will we be FRIENDS... NO...
Will I be at PEACE with the past... YES...

I don't always get a chance to remember the moment that I RELEASE IT... I am glad I was able to blog about it... it will give me something to look back on in the future.

Much Luv and Gratitude,
WonderWoman

Milestone Moment....

2007-07-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

In my last post I mentioned that my Born Day is an important time for me. Well it really is my New Year, and I typically treat it accordingly... with reflection of my year passed and gaining insight of my hopes and dreams for the new year to come...

I am still in the reflective phase... and I am not ready to blog in detail about it, but I am moved to share this with you...

I have climbed in my bed twice already tonight with the intention of going to sleep, but my mind can not be still. Today was a magical representation of my year... I got a little day job work done, and then the rest of the day was so synergistic (yes, I googled it and it is a word... lol).

I am so blessed to have my Dream Partners, and with them I truly am a better ME... I write that with tears in my eyes because if this past year is representative of the new possibilities for me... than I am in for a wonderful adventure. A few posts back I mentioned how being able to dream again has been a blessing... I have yet to find the eloquent means to put that statement into words that could truly represent how true this is for me.

To Dream Again is a Blessing...
if I was a poet, I would write the most amazing poem
if I was a singer, I would sing the most amazing song
if I was a composer, oh the melody would be a gem
if I was a painter, the piece would be my Mona Lisa
Can any of these mediums represent the truth of this statement...
TO DREAM AGAIN IS A BLESSING!
TO DREAM WITH YOU IS A GIFT!

Casblog- our meeting today really reminded me of why I know Synergy and Solutions is destined for great success. Our collective gifts and talents are the makings of wonderful possibilities. Thank you for dreaming with me!

Bishop- the church is real. What we come up with together... is truly The Secret. You know me well enough to appreciate this statement... towards the end of the night I was just speechless (an unfamiliar state for me). Thank you for dreaming with me!

Casblog and Bishop- as individuals we are so gifted and talented, and as a collective we are a mogul force destined toward monumental success. I have believed in The Secret before it become a commercial concept... and as I dream out loud with you... I know the Universe is responding. Let's remember our powers and do the damn thang!

Much luv and gratitude,
WonderWoman

It's what keeps me...

2007-07-06T07:30:00.000-04:00

young at heart!

My two favorite holidays: Mother's Day and my Born Day- August 3rd (Yes, WonderWoman is a Lioness Warrior... LOL)!

In my 20s I didn't enjoy my favorite holidays as much as I had wanted to. Hell, I was so busy going through my 20s... for those in my world... you know my 20s was filled with a WHOLE LOTTA... lessons (retrospective view... damn I am so blessed to be done with those times).

For several of my Mother's Days and Born Days in my 20s I wanted to enjoy my favorite holidays, but life just seemed to consistently have some lesson planned for me that got in the way of me choosing to enjoy my favorite days. Once I accepted the gift and responsibility of my own joy and happiness... life has been sooooo different.

Well when I was turning 28, I was in a better place on my journey to being the GROWN ASS WOMAN I am today... and my Born Days are usually very defining moments for me. So I decided that going forward I would honor my milestones of growth in ways that made me happy.

Each year since, I have consciously chosen to spend my Born Days doing what I want to do. So I have spent the last few Born Days doing things that truly keep me young at heart.

Some things I enjoy doing that keeps me young at heart:
**Teddy Bears- Build a Bear is one of my favorite places in the world
**Watching Old School cartoons and educating young ones on the best of... old school cartoon toys- My little Pony, Care Bears, Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny... to name a few that come to mind this early in the AM
**Amusement Parks- my neck still hurts sometimes from my car accident earlier this year... so no rollercoasters for me this year... sooooooo sad
**Playing Kick Ball- the fence was first base, the cement stool at the checker table was second base, and the corner of the wood frame was third base... out to Howard Ave was a homerun... Damn I loved my suburban/hood (safe given the times... yet soooo ghetto)... that park was like our own private back yard...
**Hanging out with friends and fam from back in the day- remembering the adventures... we really were good kids... just adventurous (I swear!)

So last year for my 30th Birthday... I kicked off my Girls Night Out with...My Build a Bear Birthday party... OMG that was so much fun! My kids were too embarrassed to come to my party... so I kicked off the evening with some of my friends that don't get embarrassed so easily... Casblog, my SistaFromAnotherMotha, Ms. HydePark, UMBPartnerInCrime and her partner. We had soooooo much fun! Then I went on a weekend trip... I went with high hopes... but unfortunately the highlight of the trip was watching Flavor of Love marathon and finally making it home. But no regrets... I just know my limitation with group weekend getaways... smile.

And this year..... drum roll....
I am having a Wonder Woman Born Day Cookout/ Get Together... I am sooooo excited. I found party favors and everything... My boys probably want to have me committed... LOL. We may even walk to the field not to far from my house for a old fashion game of Kick Ball... yippee!

So to all the GROWN ASS women and men... enjoy what keeps you young at heart... because we all need it.

Hugs and Luv,
WonderWoman

My Soul Smiles

2007-06-23T23:50:00.000-04:00

As a mother I work so hard through the joys and pains of raising my two sons. Like most mothers I live on faith that my boys will grow up to be amazing Black men of character and excellence. I dream of the day I can proudly see the wonders of their life. I pray that they grow and have this same positive vision for themselves. Some days I shake my head and wonder... like yesterday their father took them to get their ears pierced (I will elaborate on that at another time), and I was not PLEASED to say the least. Others, including their father, reminded me to let it go... and this is a part of their pathway to self discovery toward manhood.

Growing pains are inevitable, and I know my sons will make other decisions that I will not necessarily agree with. I strive to live by faith and the belief no matter what they go through and what challenges they face, that positive change is always possible. Lord knows I made my share of unfavorable decisions... and through it all I have grown to be the GROWN ASS WOMAN that I am today. I pray that my sons can appreciate the truth of human triumph... and believe that with God's love and grace... and my love... they truly will be wonderful Black men of character and excellence.

Tonight my soul smiled. I was with my friend and his mother... and was able to witness his Momma smile and rejoice as she watched her son in his excellence. I could feel her joy. In that moment I was blessed with the Soul reminder... The struggles of raising boys to men are not in vain... because true triumph reigns. Other human souls continue to show me what my Daddy showed me a while ago... that you can rise from "the bottom" in true heroic fashion. God's love and grace, and a Momma's love and faith... are the makings of amazing human souls.

Much love to all the Brothas out there making their Momma proud... continue to be amazing Black men of character and excellence.

Love and Hugs,
WonderWoman

Daddy's Love

2007-06-19T20:31:00.000-04:00

Daddy's Love and Daddy's Hugs
By WonderWoman

You are forever there for me
Giving me Daddy's Love and Daddy's Hugs
You are my guardian angel here on earth
The most profound lessons you have taught me
Have been without words
But with your actions, your courage and your perseverance.
You are truly my HERO
You showed me that change is possible,
And because of your example I know that
Today, I can choose...
To learn and grow, and be better today than I was yesterday
Thank you for choosing many years ago to love yourself enough,
And because of your choice and God's will
I know the true essence of my Daddy's Love and my Daddy's Hugs

I love you Daddy!!!

Hey Blogland,
I don't consider myself a poet, but this is a poem I wrote to my Daddy and I wanted to share it with you in honor of Father's Day. Reading this poem brings tears to my eyes, because behind these lines are so many emotions. My father is truly an amazing man! I am Wonder Woman because I know my father's strength and courage lives in me. I pray that my children realize the strength they innately possess within them through their lineage of great men.

Father's Day is not always a joyous occasion for some. For some it is a reminder of loss and sadness. My GrandDaddy passed away a couple of years ago around Father's Day. I miss him so much, yet I feel at peace because he is no longer suffering. He was ill for a very long time, so his death was truly bittersweet. His death has not been easy for my mother in particular, because she is truly a Daddy's Girl. GrandDaddy we miss you!

For my Friends and Family that feel grief and sadness this time of year I send hugs and love to you.

Hugs and Luv,
WonderWoman

I need to Wonder Woman Up

2007-05-17T11:21:00.001-04:00

I need the courage to say out loud what is truly in my heart. I need the courage to say it simply because it needs to be said... Today, I need to choose to take my truth lasso and wrap it around myself and tell him about the war between my heart and mind. He matters to me and that is so scary, yet when I am with him I feel safe.

Today, I pray for courage... and understanding. This is not easy for me.

Synergy

2007-04-24T23:34:00.000-04:00

I just finished my cereal dinner (at 11pm)... hey don't judge me, my boys are with their father this week... lol. I was checking my email... and then I felt the urge to find words for my current state of being. I have been trying to figure out the appropriate words for weeks now, because I wanted to blog about it. The closest I got to it was my brainstormed list of feelings a few blog post back. As I drank my milk, it became crystal clear... its synergy!

syn·er·gy- (snr-j)n.The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

Synergy is an amazing thing! When Casblog and I were sitting together to come up with the name of our business, Synergy and Solutions, I knew the name was powerful. Today, I can truly recognize the magic in the word as I experience it in my life.

For the last several months, I have been stepping out of faith in so many areas of my life- personally and professionally. Faith and a dream are carrying me through these days.

Dreaming use to be so scary for me, because I felt alone and/or unsupported. Many years ago, I began to truly live in my faith and understanding that I am never alone or unsupported, because God knows my heart and is always there even when its seems no one else is... I know I can always count on God. So my faith has shown me that I am never alone or unsupported, but dreaming remained a scary thing for me. I would test the waters every now and then, but in some ways I was too caught up in my present circumstances and living my crazy life to dream. Looking back, not dreaming was at the cornerstone of my internal struggles with where I am now and where I wanted to be.

Recently, I began to reflect on how different my life is now even from just last year. I was drawn to read my journal from last year. During that time, I was truly in a valley... so I decided to spend my Easter 2006 weekend in solitude (which can be hard for me at times... I am a true extrovert). In hindsight, I am so grateful that I listened and took the time for myself. That time of solitude was the next step that I needed in order to make a breakthrough out of the valley. In my journal entries, I wrote about my struggles and my mental state of despair. I released my struggles to God, and at the end of one of my entries I asked God to help me dream again!

I can truly say when I released my struggles to God, he took care of SITUATIONS in ways that I could have never imagined. He took care of ME as he always does... and Today I am able DREAM again.

God's grace is amazing! One realization that I had recently, is that not only am I dreaming again, but Today, I choose to... dream with others. The SYNERGY that currently exists in my life between me and my dream partners is phenomenal!

My friend, sometimes says how blessed he feels to have such amazing people in his life.... ditto.

A mustard seed of faith and willingness to dream... WOW!

Forever Grateful,
Wonder Woman

Sane folks please stand up!

2007-04-23T08:42:00.000-04:00

SANE FOLKS please stand up! I just can't take it! Cameron Giles a.k.a Cam'ron was on 60 minutes... with his dumb ass commentary on "stop snitching". Where was Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton for this insanity? Where were the protest and the media outcry? Where are the SANE FOLKS?

I don't watch the news much these days, because I don't know when it happened, but "reputable" news media now promote "jerry springerish" news. Is it that news has changed or are we truly a "jerry springerish" society. I believe we have not gone that far and I ask that all the SANE FOLKS please stand up!

I hate to even post the link about this dumb ass, but I know it will be forwarded to me in a email at least 10 times today with my peers commenting about how "stupid" Cam'ron is, but I truly feel we need to do more than just comment in an email forward. SANE FOLKS please stand up!

I am a true fan of comedy and love a good laugh... it always gets me through the day... but this sh*t ain't funny and I am outraged. The ideology behind dumb ass's commentary about stop snitching is costing lives... and is so much worse for the Black community than what Imus said... SANE FOLKS PLEASE STAND UP!!!!

Here is the link to CBS News in case you are like me and don't really watch the news:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/19/60minutes/main2704565.shtml

Please comment on this blog post... What I would like to see is the SANE FOLKS STAND UP and in your comments please offer a possible means for the SANE FOLKS to stand up!

-WonderWoman

New Beginnings

2007-04-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

If you read my last post... you know that WonderWoman has been feeling overwhelmed lately. Well, Friday was my last day at my "old" day job... and this week I will be in orientation for my "new" day job.

A friend asked me how did I feel today, since I left my "old" day job. I definitely am very happy to be able to move on because my last job was becoming too toxic. I am excited about the new possibilities with this next phase of my career. I am excited to do "smart" work again, and to feel like my skills and experience will be better utilized on the day job.

I am looking forward to orientation, because it will help ease my transition... and clear my mind a bit so I can get focused on my new day job.

Today, I Choose... to stay open to new beginnings.

-WonderWoman

Damn... All these feelings are overwhelming!

2007-03-29T20:14:00.000-04:00

My brain dump of emotions and feelings that I am feeling simultaneously... in this moment:

EXCITED
HAPPY
RELIEVED
BITTERSWEET
AFRAID
SAD
AMAZED
AFFIRMED
VULNERABLE
UNSURE
CURIOUS
OPEN
CLOSED
DISAPPOINTED
CONFUSED

OUT OF CONTROL
WANTING
STRESSED
JOY
DETERMINED

ANXIOUS
COURAGEOUS
ON PURPOSE
GRATEFUL

APPRECIATED

MISUNDERSTOOD

BLESSED

Wow!!! That was therapeutic.

I work so hard to learn, grow, and be a woman ON PURPOSE... God knows I have come sooooo far. I am grateful! Truly I am! If you read my last post... so many good things are happening in my life. This GROWN ASS WOMAN is moving forward... God's grace is in abudnance, dreams are becoming reality, my friends inspire and encourage me so much, and my family continues to stand in the gaps for me so that I can follow my dreams. I am sooo LOVED and BLESSED!

I will take some time over the next few days to RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE (damn I need a release).

I need to honor my own advice... STOP, BREATHE, ENJOY THE MOMENT!

This post helped a lot... even the uncomfortable feelings have their place right now so I will stop trying to deny them. I will not be afraid to be HERE in this MOMENT with ALL of my feelings, even the ones I want to fast forward through.

-WonderWoman

I choose... to catch up on Blogger

2007-03-18T20:56:00.000-04:00

WOW... I haven't blogged in sooooo long. I forgot my username... to many online accounts to keep up with all of them. So tonight I decided to sit here until I figure it out... so I did... and I am here blogging.

Recap since my last blog...
The Holidays have passed. My mood got better.

I have been extremely busy.

With my mommy job- My son turned 15 years old last week... to catch you up and so you don't wreck your brain doing the math... yes, I started my mommy job very young.
It's official I am an entrepenuer... a friend and I started an consulting business . We finished our first consulting gig... it was well received by our client. It felt wonderful to complete our first project and have such positive feedback. It definitely made me realize the possibilities with this work going forward.
the day job...
looking for a new day job... and found one... YIPPEE! I start at the beginning of April.
helping my friend with his "one man show"- Confessions of a Black Man. Showtime in 6 days! It has been hectic pulling it together, but with humor... and the excitement of bringing his vision to reality makes the hard work all worth it. I have learned a lot over the last few weeks about theatre production, laughed a lot, and I look foward to showtime. I have a good feeling about this...
I was in a car accident at the end of January. I was rear-ended by a stolen rental car (that is a long story...). I had a terrible neck sprain (whiplash) and I am still recovering. It's been a slow recovery, but I am getting there. My "good" days are beginning to outway my "bad" days. I started physical therapy very soon after my accident and that has helped move the recovery along. Having physical limitation has taught me a lot about myself. I don't do so well with limited mobility... it makes me crazy (which is out of character for me... lol).
A good friend came to visit me from Florida in February. After her visit I began to really think about the law of attraction- "We attract whatever we choose to give our attention to--whether wanted or unwanted". The law of attraction places no judgement of "good" or "bad". I have understood the law of attraction intellectually for quite some time, but living in that understand has not been easy for me. So I can say that for the last few weeks, I have been shifting my thinking about a lot of things... and the universe is responding to my mind shift.

TODAY, I CHOOSE... TO HAVE JOY IN MY HEART NO MATTER WHAT TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS I AM FACING. I KNOW THAT WITH THE CREATOR'S GRACE AND MERCY... ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

EVERYDAY IS FILLED WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES!

So this is the jist of what has been going on with Wonder Woman... I have written my username and password down this time... so Wonder Woman will get better about blogging.

-Wonder Woman

This too shall pass...

2006-12-18T10:37:00.000-05:00

I am fighting my bah humbug mood. Yin and Yang is in full force these days and I am trying to remember it's all a balance and not focus on the Yang so much. But damn...

I have been have been in a mood for almost a week. I know why... fear and human tendancies to be imperfect, but it's one of those things that I need to just be patient and remember that this too shall pass... Patience is not my strongest virtue. God definitely continues to work on me in that area. The holidays haven't been the best of times for me over the last few years, and some things are just sturring up old baggage for me... thus my mood.

To add salt to my mood... my car was side swiped last night (hit and run)... ughhhhhhh... bah humbug... It's not bad... but just enough to make me want to hit somebody because like most things in my life... I will have to deal with it and the culprit will not have to be held accountable. (Damn that is bitter, huh?... I told you I was in a mood)

I have this song on repeat right now on my ipod... Hopefully soon my mood will change, after all this is the HOLIDAYS!!!

This Too Shall Pass
By India.Arie
I've achieved so much in life,
but I'm an amateur in love
My bank account is doing just fine
but my emotions are bankrupt

My body is nice and strong
but my heart is in a million pieces
When the sun is shining so am I
but when night falls, so do my tears

Sometimes the beat is so loud in my heart
that I can barely tell the voices apart
Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head
that I can barely hear what God says
but then I hear a whisper

that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

The one that loved me the most
turned around and hurt me the worst
Been doing my best to move on
but the pain just keeps singing me songs

My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light
this too shall pass...

I hear the angels whisper that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday
I hear my angels whisper
I hear my angels whisper this too shall pass

I choose... to see the light as I traveled down memory lane

2006-12-04T07:45:00.000-05:00

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I first heard this verse in the movie, Coach Carter. The words are so powerful and transcend age, because we all could use that understanding. I often share similar sentiments with my son (he's 14... yes... pray for me!). Last night he and I went down memory lane as he was putting together a scrapbook of his baby pictures for a school project. Talking with him now that he is 14 about what it was like when he was little is very different these days, because he is almost the age I was when he was born. Memory lane is more than pictures and stories now that he is a teenage, they are life's lessons and I do my best to share with him not from a space of shame and lectures, but from a space of grace and strength. It touches my heart to know that he values the stories and I pray that he values the lessons. He selected this one picture for his scrapbook that sparked a few thoughts. It was a picture of him with his father and I, as I was getting ready to go to my prom.

Some of my thoughts...
Damn, I was too skinny... that made me appreciate my sexy as I call it these days.

Then I thought, wow I chose that outfit and just knew I was too cute... it was purple I guess that was my attraction to it... lol

Then I thought, damn his father was short and skinny... now I know why it couldn't have worked out... he's definitely not skinny anymore but with heels on we were the same height... hmmmmm...over 6' please... thank you very much! I know I am a touch over 5', but what can I say... a sista likes what she likes... lol... okay if a brotha is good for me and under 6'... I can love him... I am not that shallow... really I'm not. My baby daddy wasn't good for me and that's why it didn't work (it took us both a while to figure that one out)... but the height could have been a factor too... lol.

And then I thought,Wow... our baby boy is doing alright (yes, just alright, because remember I told you he is 14...)! The journey has not been easy, and God knows the battle scars that we have endured. Obstacles were "a plenty", and I know God carried us through when we didn't have the capacity to do it ourselves. I don't want that same journey for my children or any other young person. The light is that the journey made me the fabulous woman I am today. I am a stronger woman, mother, and love representative (thats my new phrase... what do you think?) because of it.

All of this to say... Today, I choose to embrace my light, because as I shine my baby boy can see his own light and he will shine too. I no longer stand in the shadow of my circumstances.

Just wanted to share some of my light with you. Well I have to get myself out of the door. Work Work Work

I choose... to not be afraid

2006-11-27T00:28:00.000-05:00

My life has reached a new level. The last few years I have been “going thru” to say the least, and it feels good to be on the “other side” of a lot of drama and chaos. All of that to say that the last few years taught me that this too shall pass, and I will be okay… I know it because I experienced it first hand. Knowing this does not eradicate fear from my quiet thoughts. Lately, the fears that lurk in the recesses of my mind… are so overwhelming at times.

Today, I choose… to affirm my strength over fear. Today, I choose to… follow my dreams, honor my growth, and not loose my belief in the love of a good man.

“I am not afraid” to see my dreams manifest themselves.
So much of my experiences over the last several years have been filled with frustration, pain, fear of the unexpected/ unknown, and self doubt. I come out of these experiences wise beyond my years and with confidence that I can face anything and I will come out of it okay and better for it.

In so many ways I have come full circle in my life, and am truly a woman “on purpose”. I am very self-reflective and I have been on a quest for knowledge and tools to be a better ME since I was 16 and realized the magnitude of the great responsibility that had been bestowed upon me as I entered motherhood. For so long I defined myself by my circumstances, but I have grown to understand that I am so much more.

“I am not afraid” to be a GROWN ASS WOMAN.
God, my friends, and family know that ‘the path of least resistance” rarely comes up for me when I Mapquest the direction for my life’s journey. “Life ain’t easy” is an understatement to say the least. Over the last few months, for the first time in many years I have been able to step back to see how far I have come. There are many lessons to still learn, but today I stand as a GROWN ASS WOMAN, and I can say that with confidence.

“I am not afraid” to give and receive the love of a good brotha.
Relationships are God’s classroom designed to teach you, heal you, and fertilize your growth as you travel your life’s journey. I can truly appreciate the awesomeness of God’s love in my life. He has carried me through experiences that in the midst of them I did not know how I would get through to the other side. I have learned many lessons:
To love myself enough to let go when the season of a relationship is over; To know that love is not enough, but it is one of the fundamental materials for the relationships foundation; To not let the pain from my past destroy my faith that there is a brotha out there for me.

My grandmother once said,
“Don’t give up on the greatest gift God gives us- love, because another wounded soul has hurt you”.
I hold onto my grandmother’s wisdom most when I am feeling my hope diminish. I know I haven’t gone through all that I have gone through in vain. I have experienced what love is in its purist form in a variety of relationships with family, friends and lovers. I don’t believe there is only ONE person in this world for you, but I do believe in soul connections, and you can experience them in friendships and intimate relationships. I have had the great fortune of making soul connections with some good brothas (as friends and lovers), so I stay hopeful.

Ladies, good brothas are out there... really they are... sometimes we've been so jaded that it's hard to realize it.

I just have to keep striving to be a woman “on purpose”, and the gift of love with a good brotha will happen for me in time. This is not easy and I have my moments of doubt, but those moments pass and I keep the faith that the brotha for me is out there. This GROWN ASS WOMAN will just keep working to be ready for the exchange of love when we find each other.

-Wonder Woman

This is my spot!

2006-11-27T00:13:00.000-05:00

I have finally sat down long enough to set up my blog. This is my spot to share my random yet insightful experiences, thoughts, ahhha moments, and of course the "guess what" crazy moments. My thoughts are overflowing sometimes, so this is just a place to put some of them out there.

Welcome to my spot,
Wonder Woman