Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (NIV)
Tis the season... to be merry and appreciative. The holiday seasons can be a very melancholy time for many people, because of loss, financial woes, and other circumstances. I know I have had a melancholy spirit during the holidays for the last few years. I work hard to shift my perspective... and for the most part this helps and my overall mood is filled with joy and appreciation for what I do have. The valleys of being a Single woman and mother hit most during the holiday seasons so it's only natural to feel a bit humdrum at moments. the moments that I typically feel humdrum are:
- Showing up to holiday events, and people looking at you like... her she comes again... ALONE. When my stepsister with 800 kids, never worked a real job a day in her life... shows up to the family dinner engaged and a year later he is still there and now her husband... that's can be a bit depressing for me. I almost boycotted the family gathering this year or was thinking about bring a rent-a-man for the gathering. I haven't brought a man with me to holiday dinner in many years. I am the last SINGLE person in the clan of 11. Hell now even the grandkids are showing up with husbands and wifes. Even my father is starting to wonder when will I...
- Ending Christmas Day... ALONE. The excitement of Christmas morning with my sons usually ending by noon when they leave to go to their father's house. I am happy for them, because they have finally made healthy adjustments to their new family circumstances.
- Making the decision to have Christmas dinner for ONE... or going to a friend's house for dinner. I appreciate the kindness of others to offer a seat at the dinner table for the singles... LOL. I feel welcomed and that makes it easier... but her in-laws give me that look of pity.... poor thing, so sad... What others think about me don't usually impact me much, but during this time of year I am feeling some of my own self pity. Not what I want to feel, but just being honest...
- New Year's Eve... I have been home ALONE for the last few New Years Eves... journaling about my hopes for the new year, eating my favorite snacks, watching the ball drop and falling asleep watching movies. Now that my sons have gotten older... New Year's Eve game night is not as appealing to them, so they usually are with their father and cousins. Going out single on New Years Eve was fun at 25, because I was out with my single friends, but not as much fun these days at 30+.
This year my melancholy mood due to my circumstances are also filled with sadness, because I really wanted to be in Alabama with my family for Christmas. The day before Thanksgiving tragedy hit my family in Alabama really hard, and I really just wanted to spend Christmas with them. My Mom has been going home to Alabama for Christmas the last few years.... and that has changed the traditions of my Christmas quite a bit, but I give her the gift she loves the most... a plane ticket home. I give it knowing it makes her so happy to be there. This year I wanted to join her, but my sons wanted to spend Christmas in Boston because that's the tradition they have grown to expect... and I couldn't imagine not waking up on Christmas morning with them. So I made a hard decision and decided to not go to Alabama this season to be with my mom, grandma, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I will get down there soon...
All of this to say... I am as thankful for life, family, and friends as I have stated in prior posts. Even when I am in the space of feeling humdrum around the holidays... I am thankful, because each year is truly filled with new possibilities. I am truly blessed, and in due time and due season... change happens! This holiday season, tragedy has reminded me about how much I love my family... with their craziness and all. The dilemmas I face this season, also reminded me that I am where I am suppose to be, even when it doesn't feel good. This too shall pass, because it always does.
Prayer: Precious Heavenly Father, Thank You for making each and every day one for us to rejoice and be glad. Thank You that our joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our ability to trust and depend on You. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you will do. Amen.
Thankful and Blessed,
WonderWoman
